What the heck is this?

It is normal that dysphoria fluctuates. That you don't feel it all the time, doesn't mean you are cis.

It might be that online you have influence on your pronouns, and when given the choice, you would choose something different from the default, and in meat space, you just accept the pronouns you were given and don't want to argue.

 

Is it because of the trouble you anticipate?
Or maybe you are neither a girl nor a guy?

 

My gender’s a bit of a blur. My dysphoria usually isn’t that strong, that is until it suddenly is. I don’t like being called “female”, in fact I hated typing that lol. But I’m good at pretending. I’m good at ignoring my feelings because I’m a good at acting and can keep up a facade. You’re like me in that your dysphoria or whatever is rather weak compared to the average non-cis person. It doesn’t make you less genuine, nor are you alone. Maybe you’re suppressing your feelings like I am, and you don’t eben realise it? In any case it will probably help to just find ways to deal with your dysphoria when it hits you, rather than switch to presenting completely as the opposite gender. Maybe make a few adjustments to your appearance but nothing too extreme, because by the sound of it you may not be comfortable presenting as the opposite gender either. It’s annoying having a murky gender but there’s nothing we can do about it. Just do whatever makes you comfortable and don’t think too deeply into what gender you are. That’s my weird outlook at least, because to most people knowing their gender or sexuality really matters to them but I couldn’t care less about mine.

 

This really resonates with me. I'm very uncomfortable herring people refer to me with male pronouns. Today I had several coworkers direct words like 'man' or ''sir". They weren't trying to be rude, I'm not out at work so they have no idea I'm not straight let alone how much dysphoria I have.

I have been doing a few little presentation things to feel a bit less stereotypically male like choose more traditionally feminine colors, dye my hair various colors, and not police my voice or mannerisms. It helps be connect outwardly a bit more with how I feel internally.

 

I get you. I mostly avoid feminine clothing so that I can distance myself from that gender, but I’ve found some aspects to femininity that I’m fine with, like makeup and simple jewellery. If I had to be honest with my gender I’d say I’m male, but I’m far from a fully masculine one. It’s a bit too confusing for me to care much, these days. Letting go of the concept of gender has honestly given me so much freedom though, more than I reckon a full-out transition to male ever could.

Regarding other people calling you by gendered terms, I know how uncomfortable that could make you feel. I’ve found ways around it by at least getting my friends to call me genderless nicknames. I make them a bit silly so that my friends have more reason to keep at them haha.

 

Yeh it's interesting how much is ties up in a pronoun. They can make you feel out of place or like people accept you for who you are.

 

yeah my pronouns play a large part in my gender, i want to use they/them pronouns. and be like 100% androgynous, flat chest, no genitals, a semi pair shaped body, an androgynous face. like akjdjskhuehkajsxhzjhsja ugggghhhh gender it sucks

 

Sometimes things feel uncomfortable because they are something that you are not used to. I know it took me a while to feel comfortable being referred to as male. This was just because I was not used to it. Being male is something that I had hidden for so long, so it was weird to hear others know about me. Dysphoria is also something that can come and go, so that is not something that is unusual. The key is trying to understand what causes the changes and see if those are issues that you can change.

 

Yeah gender sucks.

It's so complicated for me because people assume so much based on how I look. I was assigned male at birth, but have always felt like I have a woman's mind and often use she/ her pronouns in my head even unintentionally. I don't plan on the transitioning and feel like non-binary is a good home.

At the same time I don't hate mymmale body itsitjust kinda wierd feeling like a woman then seeing a fit man in the mirror. I work out a lot which makes me look even more like the heteronormative ideal male. To top it off I'm married to a cis straight woman (who knowkall this) and we have a kid.

If anything, my interest in fashion and shopping, vocal dislike of sports and other traditional masculine things and soft higher pitched voice might make folks think I'm a closeted gay man .

If anyone cared to ask I'd happily say I'm pansexual, the person I fell for just happens to be a woman, and I have gender dysphoria so I identify as a woman with a mans body.

I have often felt like I need to deny my internal identity of feminity or I need transiton to female to claim who I am inside. I know this is just my fears but I feel like it's how people will see me.

While i might have undergone gender confirmation surgery if I had the language and support when I was young, I don't really feel like I want to at this point in my life.

I want to be at peace with the body I have while still embracing the mind and identity always known to be true.

 

I need to be careful with how I respond to my appearance. It's a bit freaky acknowledging that I have female features and whatnot, even now I'm cringing typing it. Mirrors are mind-fucks... But people don't suspect much of my not-at-all-feminine personality traits because we all know of the double standards in society: it's much more socially acceptable for women to prefer masculine things than the other way around, and women who do rarely have their sexual orientation questioned.

But like I said before, it may help to give gender stereotypes a little less thought. I don't know about other people, but there came a point where I realised that it causes more harm than good to agonise over things that will be with me my whole life. Paying less attention to what society expects of me has helped me to become at peace with my body and identity in ways I haven't been for a long time.