1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Repressed/Latent Sexuality

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by aw4288, Feb 20, 2019.

  1. aw4288

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2017
    Messages:
    43
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Morning

    I just want advice from anyone who has been in denial, sexual repression or were latent homosexual. I am currently in a heterosexual marriage, I have been on and off over the years had doubts about my orientation. I reckon im Bisexual which im happy to deal with but theres a nagging doubt its all just a front and im full on homosexual.
    I just wanted to know in regards to being latent or in denial did you manage to enjoy your gay thoughts, whenever I try to get off to them I have immense anxiety and can't get any further then a semi. I then freak out if I walk and notice a guy thats good looking or if I reckon a man is homosexual I avoid eye contact or physical contact incase they get the wrong idea.
    I have had past experiences of being hit on by men, ive not enjoyed it and its scared me more then been enjoyable.

    I still get aroused by fooling about with my wife and we still have no issues but this every so often triggers through dreams, I wake up dry and more anxious then ever if I have a same sex dream.

    Is this along those lines of sexual repression, im not afraid anymore but whenever I don't feel anxious while doing stuff with myself just the arousal doesn't seem to be there.

    Sorry if I have rambled. Just want advice please.
     
  2. SiraRom

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2018
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Alabama, USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I've had similar experiences. I knew I wasn't straight when I was quite young, but I worked very, very hard to repress it. I wouldn't even allow myself to entertain thoughts about the same sex that weren't 100% platonic. I watch male gay porn exclusively, so I could avoid seeing naked women. I averted my eyes from attractive women daily for decades. I even refused hugs from women for a period of time during my teens because I was afraid it would trigger something in me. It took a complete abandonment of Christianity for me to finally admit to myself that these feelings weren't going away. It then took being surrounded by out LGBTQ+ folks to adopt being bisexual as a part of my identity. All of this took years. When you work so hard, for so long to repress something, those mental reactions become deeply ingrained habits and fears.

    It sounds like you may be experiencing something similar. There is no rush to figure this all out. Be kind to yourself and recognize that there is nothing wrong with your attractions and your internal fantasies hurt no one.
     
  3. LaneyM

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2018
    Messages:
    275
    Likes Received:
    249
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hey, I'm also in a hetero marriage and came out late (well, I'm not really out, but I accept who I am and have told a few people). Also still unsure if I'm bi or lesbian. I had the type of thoughts you describe when I was a teenager. I had a crush on a girl and was horrified because I grew up with the belief that acting on homosexual thoughts was a horrible sin that would damn you to hell. But still I liked her, and the thoughts about kissing her or getting physical (or even holding hands/taking her on dates, innocent but very obvious relationship stuff) were such dangerous thoughts to my mind that I couldn't really derive pleasure from them. I was also hit on by a gay woman around this same time and I enjoyed the attention in the moment but was very confused and embarrassed about it after. So the desire was there but deeply repressed by external forces. When I finally let myself fantasize more freely several years later it was entirely different, because I'd started to accept it. So I think it is a process if there was a lot holding you back before. Or you could just be bicurious, and this could be a passing thing. Either way, it's good that you are talking about what you're thinking and feeling!
     
    #3 LaneyM, Feb 20, 2019
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2019
  4. aw4288

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2017
    Messages:
    43
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Thanks for the responses. I am not religious so this does not play a factor. I don't care if im going to hell .

    I keep testing myself as such, mocking up same sex imagery in my head and measuring arousal. Then the opposite sex and then test masturbating with full arousal to opposite sex and partial to same sex. I keep measuring and checking any arousal after talking to someone thats good looking or gay. I check every morning to see if ive had a wet dream, analyse my dreams for any signs. I can still get it up and perform with my wife. I don't care if im Bi so why does this bother me so much.

    I would have thought denial or latent these thoughts would be enjoyable and not torment?

    Thanks for your responses again.
     
  5. nerdbrain

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2014
    Messages:
    536
    Likes Received:
    112
    Location:
    New York City
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Some people
    It may be possible that you are experiencing an anxiety issue around your sexuality. Try googling the term HOCD and see what comes up. This topic has been very controversial here on EC so I’m hesitant to mention it, but the way you describe your feelings sounds relevant. Feel free to draw your own conclusions.