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He was too rough

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by HunterRaven, Feb 19, 2019.

  1. HunterRaven

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    Hey guys, I was with someone, and let's just say it wasn't the best sex of my life. The dude was sucking my neck like he was a vampire, and I've been left with these enormous hickeys on both sides of my neck. He was also rather forceful when entering me, and he didn't use enough lube, which led to some minor bleeding afterwards, and the icing on the cake was that he clearly wasn't interested in making sure I got something out of this as well...looking back I wish i'd been more vocal about getting him to lube up some more and the hickeys, but I'll settle for getting some advice on how to mitigate some f the damage from my mistakes and to help the hickeys and my butt to heal.

    I'm already applying ice to my neck to help minimise the swelling, and I know that I can't get rid of them instantaneously, but anyone have any tricks that help speed up that healing process?
     
  2. Rade

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    It can be hard to be vocal as I have learned too but I'm not seeing him again. What's wrong with guys? God they should check in to make sure the partner is doing ok!! When I have previously topped I checked in a couple times!! It's supposed to be enjoyable!!
    Hope you feel less sore soon jon
     
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  3. PatrickUK

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    I think it's important to understand that you are not giving up ownership of your body when you have sex with someone and pleasure is a two way street. Bottoming isn't about giving away control and allowing the top to have his way with you. Even if you enjoy rougher sex, there are limits and you need to know what they are and speak out if a line is crossed. Remember, it is your body.

    I would suggest you think carefully about your own boundaries and red lines before you have sex again. If you want to bottom for someone else, don't let them lube you up, but do it yourself so you can be sure that enough has been applied.

    I'm sorry this happened to you. I hope you will be able to move on from it and set some parameters for the future.
     
  4. Dionysios

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    You need to be clearer about what your desires are. It's one thing to have passion, but that shouldn't slid into s & m (unless tnat was what you wanted). Hopefully this is a learning moment for you. The hickeys take time to heal, so you have to be patient. If pain or bleeding persists, see your physician.
     
  5. Destin

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    I've been there... it's hard to tell someone to change what they're doing when they seem to be enjoying it. In my case I think he just forgot his own strength and didn't realize how aggressive it was though.

    You should definitely tell the other person what you want going forward to avoid any other unpleasant encounters though.

    There's not really anything that can be done to speed up hickey healing. The discoloration is caused by blood from a broken blood vessel inside the skin, and nothing fixes that except the body repairing it by itself.
     
  6. HunterRaven

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    Thanks guys, you're all absolutely right and this has been a lesson to me to be more assertive over my own body during sex, it's definitely something that I am not going to let happen again
     
  7. Rade

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    I'm pleased HunterRaven that the feed back from people has been helpful. God even back in my straight marriage I checked in with the ex wife lol!!!! to ensure I wasn't hurting her......
    Jon
     
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