Did you / do you act straight to survive?

I absolutely did, to the extent that I married a woman. I felt it was what I had to do to survive in the world-nothing else felt like an option at the time.

 

I think that is the problem with how we often grew up in this heteronormative and homophobic world. What does acting straight mean? What does it mean to act gay? The goal is to find yourself and be true to that. It's the only way to happiness and peace. Someone asked me the other day if I was straight because I was at a gay dance. I said nope, and this is also what gay looks like.

 

I tried my damndest to act straight! But y’all I failed miserably hahaha even with a wife I wasn’t convincing. Maybe it’s my Designing Women voice, or the fact I walk like I’m on a runway, or that I’m more flaming than the sun... I don’t know! But I did try to conform to the straight world. I still find myself censoring who I am and what I want because of my environment, and it is just to survive. Somethings were very conscious! Others weren’t, so when I came out I really had to rethink everything. Now everything is very intentional.

 

For me I guess being bi and having my Kinsey scale number lean on the heterosexual side as far as attraction is concerned may make me more “straight.” I am only out to a few select people (my wife being one of them). I wish like hell I could be out and actually be active in the LGBTQ community. But, alas I work for a conservative financial institution and the suit and tie crowd isn’t very welcoming. There are days when I over hear a conversation and just want to blurt out, hey I’m bi! I have hope that the up and coming generations will be less judgemental and I can finally be me.

 

I made a determined effort to act straight, but I don't know how convincing I was. Not only my son guessed, but when my wife told her sister today, she wasn't surprised either. She too thought I was gay as well from the very beginning.

It makes me wonder how many other people I met who also figured it out. Perhaps, no matter how hard we try, we just may not be able to hide that part of us.

 

@Dionysios, you weren't a very good actor! you'd not qualify for an Oscar! It seems that I played my role pretty well, when I came out to a retired gay colleague of mine he told me that he would have never guessed! his gaydar was totally off with me!

To me it was a matter of life or death though for the majority of my life growing up, I was born and raised in Egypt, and till today homosexuality is doomed. I live in the US now, and going through a divorce. After getting involved in a straight marriage and 2 adult kids, I still act straight and I would be surprised that any of my family, friends, or work colleagues have any doubts about my sexual identity. I wore my straight mask long enough that sometimes I feel that it has become part of my own personality.

Sometimes I think that I'm not "acting" straight, I'm not sure what the real me is. I'll have to give it time to discover who I really am.

 

This topic resonates with me. I was so good at acting straight I fooled everyone including myself. I married , had a daughter, got divorced (unrelated to sexuality) and then had a long term girlfriend before I stopped acting. In midlife I started to find myself attracted to a man when I met a guy playing tennis. Suddenly years of hidden desire to be with another man started to surface. I could stop thinking about being with him. When I was finally intimate with him, My play acting had stopped and I had confront the truth that all long I was gay. I was so good at acting that I obviously was intimate with women however now the idea of intimate relations with a woman just seems gross and disgusting yet for years I did. Sometimes it takes time to realize the real you.

 

I'm curious what acting straight means other than having heterosexual relationships?

 

Also being a Bi guy, but more generally attracted to guys, while also being in the US military before it was allowed/accepted, I played along with conversations and 'macho' things (such as a lot of hard-knock sports) that I didn't really believe in.

One thing that strikes my about ur comment @Redwinerox is that I can't tell u how many times I ended up at small (military) unit or family functions sitting with mostly the women while the vast majority of the guys went off to see something macho like a car engine or a den, etc and I just had to bite my tongue and not participate in the inevitable conversation that the women had about the guys....

 

Ultimately, though, "straight-acting" is an illusion. You only be who you are. Once you start 'acting' (i.e. 'lying'), you have to constantly keep track of the lies you've told. At some point you will be caught in a lie and the longer the 'game' goes on, the increasing likelihood that you will be caught in a lie.

So, unless your personal safety is at risk, what is the point of pretending?

 

And the Oscar goes to...Alex!!! You are much better my friend than I am in passing for straight. Given your culture, I am so glad that you are! *smile* I guess that I cannot hide who I am. I didn't think I act feminine but somehow people must detect gay vibes from me. I recall a girl I was once dating. I bought her home and she met my family. After meeting my beer drinking, football loving, gun toting, redneck brothers, she turned to me and asked, "Are you adopted?" I guess that I could not blend in and adopt such an personality which was so contrary to my real nature. Oh well, I won't win any Academy Awards but being true to myself will be enough of a trophy! *smile*

 

I'm not acting straight, I just happen to be a gay guy who hates dancing. We do exist!

 

Almost certainly yes. Pretty much needed for survival if one grew up in the 80s.

Sad thing...but I still find myself doing it in small ways. I catch myself sometimes thinking that something or other makes me seem like I might be gay. Which seems horrifying...and then I remind myself I am gay. LOL

 

I certainly acted cisgender in order to "do the right things" and to avoid having to see and accept myself. This may have been some form of disassociation. By turns this also meant that I acted straight. It was fun, but it now seems like as I got older I was falling back on a script and was more pursuing a chance to connect.

 

Hank Hill?
To me it means doing what one presumes is expected of them instead of following any intrinsic motivation.

 

I’ve always been stylish in terms of clothes, hair, taking care of my skin, fitness/workouts, but of the few who now know I’m gay, none said my appearance screamed it. Beyond this, the gayest thing about me is my attraction to men and my level of arousal when I’m with a hot one definitely makes me appear very gay, if you know what I mean.

 

Wearing clothing that is not too flashy.
Making sure you speak with the correct voice.
Making sure you don't stare in any one direction for too long.
If you go to a "gar" bar make sure its far enough away from home so no one will see you.
As a teenager hiding your gay porn so no one will find it. Purge it when your done because you feel "less than."
Leave straight porn where it can be found.
Never get too drunk so you won't let anything slip by mistake.
NEVER EVER tell, even your best friend.

Just my experience.
Dean

Also, never be verbal during masturbation.
Kind of twists your insides after awhile.

 

I can say I acted straight subconsciously I even fall ed myself for years .it's funny the way our mind works
Then after all those years hiding. .bang it's all out in the open

 

I'm pretty sure the people "acting straight" are the very most transparently gay of all. Might as well embrace and love yourself just as you are. No one is fooled except the person living falsely.