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What’s the best next step

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by AmeliaX, Feb 16, 2019.

  1. AmeliaX

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    Quick intro I was born male, would consider myself mainly attracted to girls but bi and am 19

    After being stuck questioning for 3/4 years I finally came out saying I thought I was trans to a few female friends I played games with online that I have been friends with for 5 or so years. They were all really nice and helped me picked a feminine name that I liked (Amelia) and helped me buy some make up online. The problem I find is I find myself stuck, I have a split where I am like yep I’m 100% trans and wanna be a girl or I’m like nah I’m def Male and should stick like this.

    My friends then gave me the name of someone else who was trans and I talked to them they said it sounded like I was non binary or gender fluid, I didn’t think non binary was right as I don’t feel stuck in between or neither gender more like both, so i guess for now I identify as genderfluid?

    What’s the best next step for me as when I do feel like I’m trans I do get dysphoria but when I feel male I don’t, I don’t want to transition my body if I’m going to feel the same way but the other way around if you get it. part of me feels like maybe it would be best to just suppress these thoughts as where I live isn’t really that accepting anyway.
     
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  2. Brandy Bee

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    Your feelings are so familiar to me.
    I'm a dad, and a firefighter by profession, so I must live so much of my life in the roles and expression that I was raised and conditioned to believe. It seems like it would be so easy to conform, but upon discovering that I really don't identify with so much of what's typical in those "man" roles, but do with regard to other aspects of the same, the anxiety of it all grows more all the time, then sort of resets itself, then grows larger still.
    I haven't made any permanent changes to my biology to affirm my gender, but I definitely wish I could, with no consequence by society.
    I wish I had an answer for you. I guess I can only say that you're far from alone in your thoughts and feelings.
     
  3. SomecallhimTim

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    Talking to a gender therapist could help you sort things out.
     
  4. AmeliaX

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    Yeah, my opinion rn is if I could change my gender with no social consequences i 100% would, I’m worried about being in the situation of trying to hide for ages and then being unable ever transition to due to the possibilities of a family or job I can’t afford to lose and wishing I just did when I was younger so maybe it’s best I do? I don’t know guess it’s just a bad situation lol.

    I have applied to talk to a therapist but 3months later and I’m still on the waiting list, unfortunately Northern Ireland, where I’m from isn’t exactly the most supportive place. A country run by religon isn’t great for trans people
     
  5. Hanyauku

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    When you say that you would 100% transition your gender if there were no possible negative repercussions, who would you transition to? Do your feelings of gender fluidity stem from a fear of what would happen if you were to transition to female, and fluidity is a sort of compromise, or in a perfect world with no consequences, would you still feel more gender fluid than mtf? I think being gender fluid is totally valid identity, and if that's what best suits you, then embrace it. I would seek out androgynous role models, and maybe look to them for insight/guidance. Ruby rose is the most prominent gender fluid celebrity I know of (I also have a huuuuuuge celebrity crush on her :blush: ) , and she has an awesome androgynous style.

    On the other hand, if you feel more mtf than gender fluid, you're not limited in your expression there, either. You can be butch and trans. Just because you're a transgender woman does not mean that you have to wear Lilly Pulitzer and nail polish every day. But if that's you, then own it. I think there is a lot of pressure on binary transgender people to fully embrace every stereotypical aspect of their identified gender, as a sort of justification of existence to society at large. But the spectrum of transgender women is just as broad as cisgender women, with room for just as many sexualities, expressions, and idiosyncrasies. I wouldn't say I'm masculine enough to identify as butch, but I'm not the most feminine trans girl either.

    And I know you said you don't identify as non-binary, but there's an amazing non-binary YouTuber I follow named Stacy Fatemi, and I totally recommend their videos. I think their a really good example of the awesome variety of trans identities and expressions.

    Finally, my biggest piece of advice would be to be whoever you want to be. I know that's really vague and cliched, but the best piece of advice I've heard about being trans* is that we don't fight this hard to be anything else other than exactly who we want to be. So don't limit yourself.