so my manger is bisexual and really nice. 26 and I’m 22. She’s pretty and funny. But I wasn’t particularly won over right away. Especially being she was in a relationship when we first met and I can turn off my feelings towards people in relationships really well. Recently we were at the bar together, chatting. I had a lot to drink... I had this unexpected desire to kiss her. Just out of nowhere and I never felt that way about her before. I figured it was the alcohol. I acknowledged that this woman was in a relationship. That kissing someone without their permission is wrong, and kissing someone because you’re drunk isn’t cool or classy, so I didn’t. A week later, she’s broken up with her boyfriend, and keeps asking me to go out drinking with her. But I’m afraid I’ll start developing feelings for her now and don’t know what to do. I’m not sure if I really like her or if I’m just lonely and looking for someone. Idk, I just had to get that out there.
Since you haven't started down the road to a relationship yet, I strongly recommend you don't. I recommend this for your own protection. Dating your manager is never a good idea, If the relationship becomes known, coworkers will see favoritism. If the relationship goes sour, you will have to work in a very difficult environment every single day. Dating your manager is so fraught with difficulty, please "look for someone else."
Agree with the last poster. You have to work on the basis that if you start anything at all you or she will need to change jobs so you're not in the same management line, either within the company or by moving to a different company. Unless you're prepared to do that - don't even go there.
Yeah, that’s how I feel. But I don’t know what to do. If she asks to to go out for drinks again should I say no? I don’t have feelings for her normally, just that one time while I was drunk. So should I just avoid drinking with her altogether? Or do you think I shouldn’t be worried because I was probably just too drunk to be thinking straight?
Would you and your team normally go for one-on-one drinks with your manager in the evening? In most companies this would be unusual, whereas a few drinks after work as a team is common. Which are you referring to when you talk about drinking together? Only you know under what circumstances and after what amount of alcohol you will risk getting into a situation you would rather not be in, so avoid those circumstances! It's possible, but it's also often the case the alcohol lowers your inhibitions so you feel and do things that are real representations of your internal state but are normally suppressed when sober. I'm not a big believer in the idea that people are 'not themselves' when drunk - I think they just reveal aspects of their unfiltered selves.
If your manager asks you to go out for drinks again, say no. Why take the risk? You said you don't have feelings for her. Broccoli's advice in the post above is excellent; I suggest you take it to heart. When you go out drinking, go with a group of friends who you know will look out for one another.
It’s actually really common for us all to go out for drinks either in groups or 1 on 1. We’re a salon with seven stylists and we have a lot of team spirit to say the least. Only two stylists close a day, so she typically invites whoever she closes with, or if shes in town, the two stylists she knows are closing.
I am currently in this situation somewhat in that my boss seems to like me, and if I’m being honest I am attracted to him. But I know that getting involved with him would not be a good idea for the reasons stated above by other posters. The advice I would give you is the advice my friend gave me: don’t be alone with her, and don’t be drunk around her. If that means making up some excuse for why you can’t get drinks one on one with her, that’s what it means. Getting drinks with a group of people is fine, but even then I would caution you against getting drunk. It’s much much safer this way so that you don’t jeopardize your job/career path. As the poster above said, it’s best in this situation to find someone else outside of work.
