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Conversion Therapy-Need Some Advice

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by johndeere3020, Feb 13, 2019.

  1. johndeere3020

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    Ok, so when I was in my early 20's I subjected myself to a summer of what I now understand to be conversion therapy. It was a group one or twice a week with a minister. I hated myself so much and I thought I needed to be "fixed". All things are possible in God, you never bonded with your father stuff. I know it had a negative effect on me and most likely with my already strained relationship with my father. I began to hate myself worse, and almost ended myself that summer before I quit attending.

    I am doing much better now having found self acceptance, some time the old ideas still pop into my mind. Has anyone had any experience deprogramming themselves? What kind of things should I ask my new counselor? I told him about some of the conversion, it was called a "bible group" but we ran out of time.

    Thank You All in Advance.
    Dean
     
  2. Jakebusman

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    I don't believe in conversion therapy I am bisexual you can't reprogram me like a robot We are born LGBT !
     
  3. nerdbrain

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    Hey Dean,

    I've had some experience with that myself. In my case it was "reparative therapy" with a psychoanalyst -- the idea was if you could "repair" the psychological bond with your father you would naturally become straight.

    I have read quite a bit on the subject and I believe the basic pattern these old psychologists observed is true: gay men are generally more bonded with their mothers than their fathers. But nobody really knows which is the cause and which is the effect. Are we gay because we are mother-bonded? Or do we stay closer to our mothers because we are gay? All those guys were starting with the presumption that homosexuality was abnormal so their ideas weren't exactly unbiased.

    Another observation is that virtually everyone who enters therapy winds up examining their childhood relationships with their parents. Those experiences are highly formative and often contribute to all kinds of emotional and behavior patterns in adult life.

    As for the God stuff, I personally just ignore that. It sounds like you come from a religious upbringing, but I feel the only sane thing to do is throw it all out except the basic idea of spirituality which I think is a common human emotional need. All the rules and regulations in the Bible were written by humans, not God.

    So here are my recommendations (please take with as much salt as you like):
    • Try to find a way to separate the personal, spiritual aspects of religion from all the garbage (rules on how to live, ceremony, politics, money, etc.)
    • Examine your relationship with your father in therapy as a way of finding peace with it, like any other adult
    • Express your concerns to your counselor -- he/she will understand
    Basically, try to focus on accepting and embracing your current reality and actual history. Even if you want to make changes in your life, that is always the first step.

    "You can't change what you are until you are what you are." -- John Bradshaw
     
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  4. PatrickUK

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    I think the most basic thing to understand is that our sexuality is not a sickness or mental illness and it goes against all ethical standards to provide reparative therapy. Any therapist who values their licence and accreditation will not go near a program of treatment. Our sexuality is an inherent part of our human identity and it doesn't require a fix.

    Homosexuality is not a sin and it's fundamentally dishonest to suggest that it is. Any silly fool can isolate a few lines from the Bible to try to make a point, but that's not theologically sound and it offers no foundation for the craziness that goes on in the name of "therapy". Lets call it what it really is - dangerous quackery. I would suggest it's more sinful to indulge in a process that can (and has) led people to suicide.
     
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  5. MOGUY

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    Dean, I’m curious. Did someone urge you to go to the weekly meetings when you were in your 20s? Or did you make the decision on your own? BTW, I can tell from your posts that you are doing much better and I am really happy for you!
     
  6. johndeere3020

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    I am not even sure how I found out about them. It was completely self inflicted for I thought I was damaged. You remember the time before the internet? In rural America the word gay or bi was forbidden, at least in my family. So much has changed. I am doing better, thanks. I feel like I have actually grown to my age in the last couple of months. If that makes sense?
     
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