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Hopeless Love in Polyamory

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Beepbeeps, Feb 11, 2019.

  1. Beepbeeps

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2016
    Messages:
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    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Greetings! My story is very long and complicated under the surface so I’m going to shorten it best I can. I am a trans man hopelessly, madly in love with my straight male best friend. We’ve attempted polyamory as a close circle of friends, his gf included. He’s incredibly loyal to his gf and only takes interest in the sexual aspects of polyamory. That isn’t enough for me. I’m very deeply in love with him as an entire person. I’ve never loved another man in my entire life and I’ve had a long history of girlfriends. But for some reason I’m in love with this man. He’s aware of my feelings and, obviously, doesn’t reciprocate them. I need to fall out of love but it’s incredibly hard. As I said, I’ve never loved another man. I am digustingly starry-eyed over him. I have eyes for no one else and therefore my dating life has gone stale for a year now. I know with every bone in my body I can’t have him. Not only this, but I am afraid to admit I love a man. I need to move on. He cannot be mine. Any assistance is greatly appreciated. ❤️
     
  2. Jax12

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2014
    Messages:
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    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I am in a very similar situation.

    The guy I’m seeing right now is in a triad (all male). His other two partners are working on moving here, he just wanted to move here first to get a head start. We we’re suppose to be FWB, but we caught feelings and now we’re basically in a relationship (his other partners know, so it’s OK).

    I’ve wondered if polyamory was right for me, and through this experience I don’t think it is; I just want him to myself. It honestly hurts when he spends time with his other partners, but I can’t do anything to change that. I’m starting to accept that we won’t be in a monogamous relationship, let alone a romantic one. For you, it sounds like you got two things on your plate: one is accepting you’ve fallen in love with a man, and two is trying to move on from a man who doesn’t feel the same way about you.

    I would suggest to you (and this is what I plan to do), is to stop seeing him, or at the very least, see him less. Direct your attention to other things in your life that you enjoy, or may need attention to. Distract yourself, and go easy with how you’re feeling. What I mean by that is allow yourself to feel everything you’re feeling; don’t deny it, tell yourself it’s ok to feel upset, etc.

    A couple months ago I thought I wouldn’t find someone else to date, let alone fall in love again. While this current relationship for me won’t last much longer, the saying holds true: there’s always more fish in the sea.

    Good luck.