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Could use some thoughts

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Memento, Feb 4, 2019.

  1. Memento

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Romania
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    This area of the forum is where most of my questions sum up, any thoughts on the matter would greatly be appreciated.

    I've been in a few relationships, even got engaged once, but all ended up for no particular reason. None of them had drama or anything like that, I even kept friendships that either faded in time or became really strong, but something just wasn't right as "lovers" and everything was perfect as "friends". Finding myself so many times being in love only with "the way she thinks and acts" made me wonder what's "wrong" with me. I have always told myself I am just not into "making love" that much, maybe for me it's more of an intellectual thing... but that never explained why my imagination goes wild when I see some men on the street or around me.

    Growing up in an ex-communist country might have had an impact over me, making me follow what other people perceived as "normal". Mentality has changed a lot since I was young, but I am still scared to explore this part of me and I cannot find why. Trying it, so I can at least know something for sure, passed my mind so many times, but how could I do that not being out? How would I ever find somebody?

    The irony is that I could never try something without feelings involved, I could never do it just to "test the water", I am not wired like that (I don't judge people that do it). I know it's no "test" or "process" i can follow to determine if I am or not, just looking for some thoughts on how you guys/girls realized it, the thinking process behind it or any advice on how I can address this.
     
  2. Blackrainbow

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    It's far from me to decide for sure, but it kind of sounds like you might be gay? You're so measured talking about everything like there's a logical process to it, and you can't rule out opposite sex attraction but you say your imagination goes wild when you see some men. I've been in a similar situation (with the preferred genders reversed.) I understand it's hard when you feel like you need to be the person you're supposed to be, in terms of society or who your parents raised, but if you aren't feeling anything much after multiple encounters with women, yet you feel drawn towards men on the street, I'd say you should explore that.
     
    Dionysios likes this.
  3. Dionysios

    Full Member

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    Out to everyone
    My friend, it sounds like you are still trying to find yourself. From what I can infer, you don't appear to have much enthusism for dating women, preferring to have solid friendships instead. But you DO seem to be aroused by men. I agree with Blackrainbow that you appear be leaning toward the gay side.

    To help you come to some sort of understanding about yourself, you may need to go to some LGBT events to find out. You don't have to look for romance oe sex, just normal social interactions. I know you live in Romania. It's a fairly conservative society. The Orthodox Church there does not look with approval on homosexuality. However there must be some LGBT groups and events in the larger cities. If not, you still have access to LGBT events in nearby countries.

    You need to do a bit of exploration my friend. Then you can see if your feelings are the same or have changed. Always listen to your heart. Do that and you will soon discover the truth about yourself. Good luck! *smile*
     
  4. redplanet1

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Some people

    i feel you. i also come from a conservative background and i sort of understand some of the things you're going through. i have this idealistic approach when it comes to romance. i mean, like everyone, i have these wild fantasies in my head, but i would never act upon them. well, at least, not with just anyone. i guess, i'm waiting for the right person. that one person, my prince charming - so to speak, who will sweep me off my feet. however, that may never happen as i don't really put myself out there. i think i have the Rapunzel complex.

    as for you, my friend, i guess it's best really to meet more new people, and by meet new people i mean as friends or acquaintances. the more you meet, the more you get to know other personalities and maybe learn a thing or two from them. see how they're able to operate. maybe in the process, you get to meet that one right person for you. whether they may be a girl or a boy, that someone who you can be comfortable with in everything.