I saw a meme online about a transgender couple, where the trans-male is pregnant. Going with the picture is the following description, and I just find it so offensive and ignorant and quite frankly, I'm embarrassed to even having looked at it: He is a she and she is a he. He impregnated she who is now a he, but is really a she because only she could get pregnant and not he The guy who posted it, asked if someone could please explain it. I tried my best to dumb it down for him, because I was really upset and couldn't believe that someone can be so fucking ignorant and misinformed. My reply: They are both transgender. The pregnant one is a transgender male pre-op (Meaning he still has female parts) and the other one is a transgender female pre-op (meaning she still has male parts). That's how she impregnated him. He responded saying that it's so confusing. I didn't bother to reply to that. It's sad, to say the least. Sad and infuriating, because I immediately thought about all the trans* people on EC and felt guilty for having looked at something so offensive I'm sorry that trans* people have to endure this type of hate.
I don't think that's hate, it's ignorance but for anyone who doesn't know anyone who is trans (and often even for those who do) it's confusing. I used to find the whole thing confusing too. Heck I live with a trans man yet my neighbour's dog walker is (I believe) non-binary but the fact that they clearly have bigger boobs than me (and a femal body) but also a bigger beard than most men I know is confusing to say the least, even for me who is very familiar to trans/non-binary people, as humans who live in an heteronormative world, anything that steps out of that can be a shock to the system for some/most so a man getting pregnant is a step further out there and I am not surprised a lot of people don't get it. I don't consider "not getting it" hate and while yes they misgendered him, only females can get pregnant and while in our world female doesn't equal she, for a lot it does and a man chosing to use his female organs to execute a "female function" (being pregnant, giving birth and potentially breastfeding) while wanting to be refered to as a man can be a little mind-boggling. You are queer, you know plenty of trans people but for most it's the first they have heard of it. Patience and understanding is key I believe, and while transphobia is rampant, I don't actually think it was transphobia as much as someone who just doesn't understand the whole concept of being transgender.
Linning, I admire your patience! Tbh Ruby Dragon I feel you. Educating people on this stuff is exhausting, and there's sooo much ignorance out there. I've actually largely stopped doing it/never really started. Particularly about homosexuality I'm like... Can't be bothered. Although I do tell my parents about trans issues cos I'm not trans, and I owe it (to all I guess) since they're not gonna hear about them elsewhere, I know they're good people, and ideally the burden of educating shouldn't be all on trans people. I guess the question we all have to ask ourselves is, how much time do you want to spend educating people?
Both of you have made great points. @Linning - I just found it a little offensive, because coming from a place of enlightenment thanks to EC, I just feel like Google surely has enough information on everything trans-related that something like this shouldn't even be an issue at all. Maybe I'm just overly-sensitive because bisexuals also confuse people, be it straight or gay/lesbian. I'd still like to inform the uninformed, or even misinformed ones that transgenderism/transsexualism is a real thing, and is happening more and more often in our society, as the haters back down a bit to give the trans* community a chance to shine their light on the world too. In the end, we all just want to be loved for who we are, regardless of where on the LGBT+ spectrum we fall. I get your point though - Not everyone is as clued up about these things as the members of the LGBT+ community, and even then you still get the individuals who have no clue about anything outside their own identity/orientation. Guess I was a little over-sensitive about it, but still. It hurt me, and I'm not even trans... @Isaacsolomon - If it means that there's less misunderstandings between two (or more) people, I will try my best to educate the uninformed. However, like you said, it can be a bit exhausting. I just feel like if he (or whoever made that meme) spent some time on Google, they could've saved themselves, and anyone else, a lot of confusion and trouble. However, I'm glad that I was able to educate him. I have to admit, it confused me in the beginning too. Mostly because I cannot relate from experience, but only from what I've seen/heard. I don't know, like I said, maybe I was/am just a little over-sensitive to these things *shrug*
@Ruby Dragon I really appreciate that you try to educate people about trans issues. Thank you. We need more people like you. On the matter of the post, yes, it is offensive. If I saw it, I probably would not have given it the time of the day. It makes me think of the news articles who try to sensationalize things like ''Oh, the man is the mother and the woman is the father'' or shit like that. Like, no. Stop it. Same with mentionning their birth names for no reason, like ''Rebecca is now Justin''. Most trans people don't want their birth name to be exposed like that. That's what makes more angry. Top that with the comments that are more often than not extremely toxic. (Imagine a guy saying ''you have a *insert genitalia* so you are a man/woman and that's that!" or something along the lines of ''What has the world come to?'', ''Those people are sick/freaks!'') If the person is willing to listen and hear you out, that's good. Unfortunately, it's not always like that. It's one of the main reason why I'm stealth, honestly. Plus, kudos to that couple for being so open about their pregnancy. If I were to get pregnant, believe me, I would keep it mostly to myself. It's already hard enough to go through, I can't imagine being everyone's laughing stock at the same time :/
It’s very hard to educate straight cis people who have a closed mind. I have tried to as well and some of them said “well what if I want to identify as a penguin.” Umm okay that’s something totally different and so what if you did? Go ahead. I totally understand what you’re saying ruby. I’ve gotten tired of trying to explain it to some people and have just accepted that they will not understand some of the people in my community.
It sounds like someone ignorant. I wouldn't bother. Like, you know, the intellectual level and sensitivity / level of being considerate of inane memes.
I can u understand how people can get confused sometimes. I tell people I'm trans and they think I'm transitioning to female. That being said though, the original meme was posted with some hateful intentions behind it. Some people will never understand or even care to understand anything about transgender people. Some refuse to acknowledge our existence. It is the choice of the person if they want to be educated about the issues. You can tell them as much as you want to, but they will only hear what they want to hear.
I think the meme is more exploitative than anything. It’s using a topic that not many people are exposed to that’s highly sensitive and turning that cognitive dissonance into a poor attempt at humor. Only problem is, if you have your ear to the ground it isn’t funny at all and whoever laughs at it simply looks out of touch, ignorant, I’ll informed, backward—basically a lot of crappy things. Of COURSE trans people’s bodies are going to function differently—that has nothing to do with how the experience gender, whether internally, externally or both.
Some people, (a friend of mine is like this) just don't understand how the transition really affects you. He doesn't mean anything by it, he just doesn't understand it as well as us queers do. Unfortunately that means there will be some ignorant comments...
