My confidence is all over the place, I think it boils down to the fact that I don't really have much self love. I've been working on it for a while but it's mostly just resulted in self respect. I've been questioning my identity since 2015 (maybe early 2016). It went all over the place with what people expected of me and sorting out my feelings. I've continuously identified as specifically nonbinary for a little over a year, but I've been used to not identifying as cis for a few years. For the past few days I've been wondering why I have doubt every time I do something nonbinary related. Especially talking about my identity with others. The evidnece is there that I'm trans. I like my new name more, they/them pronouns seem worlds better than gendered ones, and I feel more at ease when I'm with people who respect me for who I am (which is a handful of people that I'm actually out to) But when it comes down to me saying "I'm nonbinary, and I'm proud to be me" it fills me with this incomplete feeling. I just feel like I'm not there yet when it comes to accepting myself. Do other trans people experience this? How did you overcome it, or did it happen overtime?
While I am gay and not trans, I have spent a considerable amount of time reflecting on the foundation for bulding confidence, self esteem, self worth, self respect and self love. I believe the start towards building self confidence starts with addressing the underlying causes of low self esteem - shame. Shame is a powerful emotion. Shame is the root cause of low self worth. Shame is derived from many things - lack of understanding from family, heteronormative religious doctrine, both subtle and direct homophobia as well as exposure to a heternormative script with messaging all around us that reflects society standards living life as a straight person between a man and a woman (movies, TV, commercials, billboards, teachers, friends, etc, etc, etc). One way for building self confidence is to honestly open ourselves up to the idea that we all face the challenge of overcoming shame (gay, straight, bi, trans, etc), and then taking action to become self aware of the shame we feel. When we are self aware, we can address the underlying shame and rise above it. Doing so is no easy task. And my sense is the majority of people are afraid to address it; rather they would prefer to keep it locked up deep inside of them. Addressing shame means addressing pain, not many are up to the challenge. You have a desire to say to yourself “I’m nonbinary, and I’m proud to be me”. That desire is strong and is the start for addressing the underlying shame that is inhibiting your ability to do so. The difficult steps now are to identify the root of the shame and begin to work through it. When you do, you can and will learn to live life on your own terms. You will realize that your opinions of yourself are the only opinions that matter. You will see how your path in life is established by your desires and dreams and not by any society norms nor standards. You can manage the shame and you can build confidence. The journey towards self love, self respect, self worth and confidence is ahead of you!
Wow, I never thought of it like that! Come to think of it, embarrasment is something I feel a lot with my identity so far (which really leads to shame). From a closeted standpoint, sexuality and trans identity can be similar. The fear of judgement and other pepole's thoughts (and of course safety) really take a priority. That's my experience w/ lgtbq people at least. You're answer was great, thanks so much!
