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It’s starting to feel a little ridiculous how often I find myself strongly attracted to women

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Elle993, Jan 22, 2019.

  1. Elle993

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    I have heard of the second puberty and I have experienced the strong feelings around having a crush several times in the past year but in the last few weeks it’s seems to have increased drastically... I started to notice a change in my sexuality over a year ago and would feel very attracted toward someone..maybe every couple months or so... now it’s like every few days someone grabs my attention and I have all the feels. In the last few days there are two women I felt a crazy attraction toward as soon as I met them... both married but before knowing they had husbands I thought they could be gay. I definitely relate these feelings to how it would feel when you crush on someone in high school but I’m almost 40 and these emotions are too much - lol! At least right now while I am married to my husband and trying to figure all this out and can’t do anything about it. Just putting it here to vent my sexual frustration :wink:
     
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  2. LaneyM

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    By all means, vent! I'm feeling more frustrated than usual too. I was watching TV the other day and there was a person seated from the back with short hair and masculine clothes, but the moment I realized the figure was a woman's all I could think about was I just want to hold someone like that. It's ridiculous lol, and I wasn't even like this as a teen! It's not so bad in real life-I work with a lot of people much older than me and don't have a lot of opportunities to make friends outside work and pre-existing friends who live far away, but I do miss certain women from my past and think about them too much. I've been dealing with this for 2-3 years and it comes and goes in intensity.
     
    #2 LaneyM, Jan 22, 2019
    Last edited: Jan 22, 2019
  3. Butterfly6

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    Oh I understand this so much. I have had 3 breakdowns like this in my life and everytime it happens I am in a whirlwind of emotions. All of a sudden I'm staring at women all the time, I keep thinking of them sexually and I think I'm falling in love with everyone I meet. It's crazy.

    I will attach to any woman who I connect with and think about them all day long. It's similar to how I felt in high school with other girls minus the sexual part.

    Then my husband will show up and she'll get the back burner and then if I meet an attractive guy; shit will hit the fan and I'll feel like a sex crazed teenager.
     
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  4. LaneyM

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    I wish I could kindle that kind of intensity for my husband. I can feel fondness and familiarity, a need to take care of him, or a longing for a happy ending where we are still close and affectionate into our twilight years. But never much desire.
     
    #4 LaneyM, Jan 22, 2019
    Last edited: Jan 22, 2019
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  5. Elle993

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    Lol! Yes! I feel like a sex crazed teenager! But I never truly felt these feels this intense when I was younger. When I thought I had a crush on a guy before it was nothing like what I am going through now.. I finally get what all the fuss was about. Every other day I meet a woman and am like ...OMG her energy is amazing ans she so beautiful and I want to be with her... after talking to her for 2 min. Lol!
     
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  6. Elle993

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    I agree with you. I’m having all these crazy hormonal feelings about women and it’s just not transferring over to my husband... I feel so bad and I don’t know if it will change back...
     
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  7. Butterfly6

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    I can relate to this too it takes a lot of work to reconnect with him and even then it's fleeting... the feelings for women always come back.

    For me I can see myself in a relationship with another woman, but I will always have feelings for my husband where I will want to kiss him, hold his hand etc but it will pale in comparison to the lesbian feelings. I'm insanely jealous when I think of him being with someone else.

    I also have strong lust feelings for guys, this is where I will have to choose between the relationship with a woman or sex with a man. I'm not sure here if my feelings will be stronger to override the erotic feelings for guys.

    This is where I'm confused, because I become a stupid teenager when I meet a guy I like. Wondering if it disappear if I start dating women or I'll have to have some type of open relationship.
     
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  8. LaneyM

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    Female energy is amazing. I get so much freaking pride and admiration when I see a strong woman doing awesome things.
     
  9. LaneyM

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    It does take work, and to an extent that's part of relationships. But I'd be so much more willing to put the work in if women weren't the alternative lol. And yeah, I get the jealousy too. If we were to part ways peacefully and he found someone else that really made him happy, I'd be thrilled for him. But I'd still feel a twinge of envy, I'm sure.
     
  10. Elle993

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    Yes! These are always women who exude confidence and just seem so amazing and their energy makes them even more attractive.
     
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  11. Forlong

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    I felt this way about my crush I met 7 months ago and when my husband and I anniversary came got really depressed. I’m like a don’t even really know this woman that well but I felt like I was cheating on her with my husband. I built her up so much in my head over a short period of time I couldn’t deal with my husband. I wish I didn’t feel this way when we’re together but it’s like I have teenagers brain and hormones. I don’t think rationally anymore, they only thing that helps is talking and reading stories on EC.
     
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  12. Forlong

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    @Butterfly6 I fantasize being with a woman all the time but when I think about my husband doing the same I get annoyed. I know if my husband were to support me exploring my sexuality, I would have to do the same for him. With that being said it still doesn’t change the fact I would be a little jealous of her. Makes me feel like a crazy person.
     
    #12 Forlong, Jan 22, 2019
    Last edited: Jan 22, 2019
  13. LaneyM

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    All I can offer is that it helps a little if you focus on where the fantasy ends and the real person begins. For the women I've fallen for, there was no chance they would reciprocate. So I often have to remind myself that I've essentially constructed a character in my mind of who I want, but isn't real. It's easier to let go of someone if I realize she just isn't right for me anyway.
     
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  14. Forlong

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    @LaneyM I’m good as long as I don’t see and talk to her. She seems as though her life the way she wants it uncomplicated. I also keeps telling myself she probably doesn’t want kids and that’s a deal breaker since I have 2. It’s just hard to see her that’s all, brings on a lot emotions to the surface.
     
    #14 Forlong, Jan 22, 2019
    Last edited: Jan 22, 2019
  15. LaneyM

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    @Beebee80 I totally understand that. I avoid certain places for the same reason. There's a chance I'll see my crush again later this year and I know it will be difficult but I will get through it.
     
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  16. lucybee

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    Definitely understand how you feel! I've felt so ridiculous the last couple of years with my over-the-top teenage-like feelings for my friend. I just couldn't get a handle on how intense my emotions/attraction to her felt. I felt a little bit crazy. No, not even a little bit, a lot crazy. And I did not deal with it well, had so many meltdowns, and just felt totally emotionally unstable for about 2 years. Ugh! At least that part is over now, but I still find myself really easily attracted to random women I meet/see as well. haha
     
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  17. lucybee

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    Just the way you said this, something clicked with me - That's one of the reasons I felt I had to leave my marriage. Before I realized I was gay (or bi or whatever I am), I was so ready to put the work in to my relationship with my husband .. like we always had issues here and there, but I was looking forward to doing the work with him, looking forward to making our sex life better, etc. But as soon as I realized that I could alternatively be with a woman, and got a sense of what that would be like, I stopped being invested in him. So interesting....
     
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  18. L8bloomer

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    I get this too. My one woman relationship was with my former best friend and although I had always considered myself bi, always enjoyed the thought of women in the sexual aspect, and had celebrity women crushes, I had never experienced strong physical attraction to a woman in real life other than my friend. So much so that when things ended between us (very badly), my heart was - and is - so broken that I wondered if maybe it was about her this whole time. Was she the only woman I could really love and be attracted to? Then... ever so slowly, I started to notice a few other women in real life that I felt some attraction to, and it was actually a pleasant surprise. It was reassuring to know I can feel that for another woman. Just this past weekend I was hanging out with a mom friend (our kids were having a play date) and I actually felt a vibe. She’s not someone I had been attracted to but she’s super cool and I almost felt like she was flirting a little (she’s made comments in the past that made we wonder this too). I always joke that either from being bi or being repressed, my “gaydar” is so bad, lol...
     
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  19. LaneyM

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    Yes, initially I tried so hard. We were in a LTR so whenever he was visiting I put aside everything and everyone for him. When we were getting married even I didn't have doubts-I was still stuck in that traditional mindset where if i just married and settled down we would be fine and thoughts for the same sex would go away. I didn't think I was gay cuz I loved him. Now I feel like I've worked hard to improve things with us (and he has too, in his own way) yet I'm still lonely, still with these thoughts, and it's like I'm just bashing my head against a wall repeatedly. Am only I trying to "fix" the fact that he's a man and I want a woman? Cuz our marriage is good in many other ways.
     
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  20. L8bloomer

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    I feel the same way. I’ve said to myself on more than one occasion that this would be so much easier if he was an asshole! If he was a jerk then I’d feel justified leaving him, right? But then I read about some husbands who are possessive and abusive, and the fear that these women have... so then I kind of thought, well maybe it is good that our marriage is good (other than this aspect). And strangely, wouldn’t you think that while that is one of the things that makes it hard to leave, that’s also the thing that would make a divorce a bit easier and more amicable? At least I’ve told myself that. Husband doesn’t really like when I say that to him.