1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Beyond the basics...

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by I'mStillStanding, Dec 31, 2018.

  1. I'mStillStanding

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2016
    Messages:
    989
    Likes Received:
    382
    Location:
    East Coast
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Background: Came out almost three years ago, and had my first time bottoming experience a few months after that. I had done tons of research, asked questions, and read a number of first time stories. I was prepared for the painful right of passage! And well, it wasn’t that at all. It was very amazing! Keep in mind the guy I had selected to teach me was, well huge! It’s always been a question as to why I’ve had it so easy when it comes to bottoming.

    This past year I’ve taken time off when it comes to anything sexual. It was just suppose to be a couple weeks to sort out some personal stuff with depression but turned into the entire year. It hit me a few weeks ago how much I miss that activity. I hadn’t even used my toy since the beginning of the year.

    Well last night was the breaking point, it was either break out the “tool kit” or hit up the local truck stop. I figured the first option was probably my best choice. After some much needed personal time, I got to thinking how easy it was again even after all this time. So I went to google. And well, I found several articles that raised a few questions. I was up half the night obsessing about this. I wasn’t going to post them yet (I’m over active on EC at times), but I have questions that I’m hoping there are some answers too.

    ~ Am I the only one who bottoming was such an easy thing to do? It literally was the most natural thing, it just worked!

    ~ One article said that the rectum is generally just under 5 inches and the anal canal around 2, the guys and the toy both exceed the total of these figures. Are they correct?

    ~ One terrifying article also discusses something they called the “second hole” (which isn’t the second sphincter as it’s furthed in from this). It presented this as a mysterious, often unreachable place. I did research on this, read some stories about it, and based on all the descriptions this is something that I thought everyone experienced when they bottomed or used toys. I’ve been aware of this since my first time and just didn’t know what it was called, I called it the pop! Am I missing something when it comes to this?

    Sorry for over sharing, the long post, and the touch of paranoid behavior. I blame my parents since sex wasn’t something openly discussed. Everything that doesn’t seem to fit in the norm makes me a little freaked out. This definitely qualified in my head!
     
  2. out2019

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2018
    Messages:
    883
    Likes Received:
    737
    Location:
    us
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I've only done toys so far but yeah it feels more natural for me than sex with a woman which I have always felt awkward about.
     
    I'mStillStanding likes this.
  3. I'mStillStanding

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2016
    Messages:
    989
    Likes Received:
    382
    Location:
    East Coast
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    That’s good! You’re owning your sexuality your way... I didn’t get my toy till after I started having sex with men. So you’ll be a lot more confident and aware of yourself when you take the plunge :slight_smile:

    But yea sex with my ex (the only woman I had ever been with) was just what you said!
     
    amiready likes this.
  4. Nickw

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2016
    Messages:
    2,335
    Likes Received:
    1,397
    Location:
    Out West
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hey. I can't really comment on your question since I just don't know enough about the physiology.

    But, in my limited experience (4 guys) the mechanics was different each time. Some guys it worked better in one position or another and each guy felt different than the other.

    I think it depends on a lot of things. I'm really muscular down "there". So that might affect it when I've bottomed. Your muscle tone could be different and that allows easier penetration.

    This is a sort of embarrassing conversation I guess. But, I think it's important for us to realize, as newbies, that there is a lot of variation and that can be a good thing and we shouldn't worry too much about it!

    It's more important that we are satisfying our needs and the needs of our partners and work towards that.
     
    Dionysios likes this.
  5. smurf

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2015
    Messages:
    1,645
    Likes Received:
    638
    Location:
    Florida
    Questions are great so keep asking them! Only one way to learn and hopefully someone here will have an answer

    I know its not your question, but this jumped at me. Anal sex should never be painful (unless you want it to). If its ever painful then your aren't being prepped enough/need to learn to relax/ need more lube/ etc. If it hurts and your top says "push through it" just kick the guy out. If it hurts then something is going wrong :slight_smile:

    A lot of my friends had that experience. Most played with toys before having sex though so they get how it worked. I personally had the toughest time learning how to relax properly

    According to google, yes. But you also have to keep in mind that someone usually doesn't go all the way in. The butt cheeks take a couple inches off, most guys won't thrust all the way in, position you are in, etc.

    I
    From my understanding, the "second hole" (never heard the term before) is not a hole. Its the turn into the Sigmoid colon. The pop feeling is the penis/toy straightening the sigmoid colon a bit in order to keep going in. I personally do not like it that deep, but a lot of guys live for it.

    This is a part of anal sex where the fisting community and people who are into taking larger objects might have some guides and explanations as to how it works. I'm at work so limited to the things I can get away with haha
    [​IMG]
     
    Dionysios likes this.
  6. I'mStillStanding

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2016
    Messages:
    989
    Likes Received:
    382
    Location:
    East Coast
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    *disclaimer tmi*
    This brought something else to mind. I’m not toned, like at all! But I have had stomach issues since I was 11. This chronic condition did cause me to become very aware of my digestive track early. I mean you learn excellent control over it when you have to. I also had my first colonoscopy at 16, and between ages 23 to 26 had an additional 22. Lifetime total, thus far 28... maybe that’s a record hahaha! It turned out (16 years later) that it is mostly due to gluten. Since I’ve been gluten free I’ve been symptom free (unless there has been a slip) for 90% of the time (10% I attribute to IBS and anxiety). This probably has had a major effect on this topic...

    I love this! I don’t understand why it’s not more widely accepted. I mean literally everywhere I looked said it would be, at least the first few times... if not every time at the beginning.

    See, that’s the topic of the article in question that was terrifying. It was one of the first that came up in my quest for information, and well I maybe scarred for life. No, I’m joking! Kinda! I wasn’t expecting it, and was taken back.


    It’s weird how you can go from zero to sixty so quickly. Before this post I was terrified of getting back into exploring this particular asspect of my sexuality. It had been so long and with the other issue that I had been dealing with I was scared I was gonna mess something up. After calming from the excitement of everything working just fine and then the paranoid episode of if I’m like the next entrance to Narnia or something, all that’s left is the curiosity. There is so much more to learn about sex!
     
    smurf likes this.
  7. smurf

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2015
    Messages:
    1,645
    Likes Received:
    638
    Location:
    Florida
    Lack of sex education and the mainstream porn industry has this thing about showing guys grunting and making faces when they bottom. Leads people to believe that bottoming is painful.

    Haha so curious to see what it was. I've seen so much and followed such great people that I think i'm desensitized to a lot of things that people find crazy. Glad you are allowing yourself to explore and be curious without the shame.

    It seems like you are dealing with a lot of anxiety over sex, so I would suggest you stick to fairly medical-ish explanations of sex to start with. It makes it way easier to digest the information and you learn a lot.

    Youtube channel called sexplanations is a great place to start. She has great videos and she is a sexologists so she has been trained to teach people how to navigate sex, shame, and how to teach it. In here channel, you can look up topics you are curious about.

    upload_2019-1-2_14-49-2.png
     
    Dionysios and amiready like this.
  8. I'mStillStanding

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2016
    Messages:
    989
    Likes Received:
    382
    Location:
    East Coast
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    So, I checked a few out! She’s so funny, and covers a lot of the bases! Like there is one thing in particular I’ve noticed felt more natural to do but I had no idea why, and some guys did not do it. She said, in the warm up, don’t put lubricate on first because it causes you to tense involuntarily... I mean I’m learning! In two of them she threw it back to a YouTuber I watched when I started accepting my sexuality, Davey Wavey. I hadn’t watched any of his videos in so long, I’m gonna have to continue my gay education lol...
     
    amiready likes this.
  9. out2019

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2018
    Messages:
    883
    Likes Received:
    737
    Location:
    us
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Wow! I just googled it and watched some videos even the non porn ones got me so motivated - 10 tips on how to be a better bottom! :slight_smile:
    Watching these videos also helps with acceptance - you start to think about it like its something do because of who you are :slight_smile:
    I also want to upgrade by toy- not really 'upgrade' but I got something that didn't really look like .. well what I want in me.. it was a way of avoidance.
     
  10. Dionysios

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2018
    Messages:
    662
    Likes Received:
    576
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Coming from a "gay virgin," this tread has been so informative! I hope to put myself out there in a few months (after I am officially out to everyone and free to date). I just ordered an anal douche and a dildo to experiment with. I'm apprehensive when it comes to anal sex (don't even know if I'm a bottom, top or both). From the few sources I read about or porn videos, it looked rather painful. The faces of the guys being bottomed were red and they definitely didn't seem to be enjoying it. Glad to hear that bottoming isn't necessarily so torturous. Thanks!!!
     
    amiready likes this.
  11. out2019

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2018
    Messages:
    883
    Likes Received:
    737
    Location:
    us
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    porn is for entertainment and arousal of the viewer, not the actors :slight_smile:
    I have played with toys while fantasizing and it was sensual and romantic- I think it's just like vaginal intercourse for straight women - it really depends on your sex partner and what both of you are seeking.

    I have some fantasies, like women do, about being 'taken'. but I see making love this way as an act of intimacy
     
    Dionysios likes this.
  12. I'mStillStanding

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2016
    Messages:
    989
    Likes Received:
    382
    Location:
    East Coast
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    @amiready Well I’m glad it’s helping with acceptance for sure. I’ve actually only viewed his non adult related material lol. He was one of the people I followed early. I called them my gay crash course hahaha.

    @Dionysios I've read a couple of your comments and got to say I very much respect that you’re waiting. While my coming out was little quicker, I too waited for a bit in hopes to resolve things with my ex after we official separated. Exploring is great and don’t stress. I too was worried (like I said) and it wasn’t horrible at all. Take your time you’ll be fine :slight_smile: I will say I personally choose to do a good amount of fiber to keep me regular. I’m not going to douche on the regular... it’s not really healthy.
     
    Dionysios and amiready like this.
  13. out2019

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2018
    Messages:
    883
    Likes Received:
    737
    Location:
    us
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    that's all i have seen so far but it just felt so natural and i was so into the subjects- how to give a good blow job, how to be a good bottom,
    I thought.. wow, in denial I was trying to think about how can i AROUSE myself.. and i realize I am not even thinking about that because it's so natural to just be intimate with a man
     
    I'mStillStanding likes this.
  14. Dionysios

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2018
    Messages:
    662
    Likes Received:
    576
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    @Dionysios I've read a couple of your comments and got to say I very much respect that you’re waiting. While my coming out was little quicker, I too waited for a bit in hopes to resolve things with my ex after we official separated. Exploring is great and don’t stress. I too was worried (like I said) and it wasn’t horrible at all. Take your time you’ll be fine :slight_smile: I will say I personally choose to do a good amount of fiber to keep me regular. I’m not going to douche on the regular... it’s not really healthy.[/QUOTE]

    Imstillstanding,

    Thanks so much!!! I really appreciate the support and encouragement from people like yourself here at EC. It's a bit bewildering trying to create a life for myself as a gay man after so many years in the closet. It gives me hope that my future will be a full and rewarding one!
     
    amiready and I'mStillStanding like this.
  15. out2019

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2018
    Messages:
    883
    Likes Received:
    737
    Location:
    us
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    i haven't been with a guy yet but I have played with toys while fantasizing...
    all i can say is this.. I liked it so much I lost interest in masturbating :slight_smile: