1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I need an advice guys

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Claudio97, Jan 12, 2019.

  1. Claudio97

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2017
    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Roma
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hi guys..It's been a while since i posted something here and i need a little help.
    First of all happy 2019 even if it's a bit late . Soooo my "problem"...
    I'm actually really happy right now. I met a girl and we've been dating for three months. I'm falling really hard for her and recently i've come out to her as a trans guy. She's really supporting and she keeps asking question to understand more about this. Last year i came to terms with my gender and, even though I know I'm a boy, I don't think I'll ever transition. She's the only person I told because I trust her and it was needed. She's virgin and she knew i slept with other women before but I explained her that i never let them touch me because I was not comfortable. The thing is that we are close to our first time and she asked me what she can do and where but i don't know. I really want to be with her in that way but i have never masturbate or let anyone touch me. If anybody has any advice about how to approach this, it'll be very appreciated
     
  2. Shorthaul

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2016
    Messages:
    1,498
    Likes Received:
    231
    Location:
    Idaho
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    That is a tough one as generally you want to touch and be touched. Perhaps being her first time maybe you can think of it as your own first time and just kind of allow things to happen?

    I can't comment on body dysphoria, so I am not sure in how to address what has in the past made you uncomfortable about being touched. Maybe allow touching but no insertion of any kind.
     
    Claudio97 likes this.
  3. Harjus

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2014
    Messages:
    224
    Likes Received:
    61
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    You seem to have a nice relationship. :slight_smile: She seens to be pretty awesome.

    You can get intimate without being touched in certain areas. I can imagine that as time goes by you will get more comfortable. Sex isn't something that can be clearly defined and you don't have to do it in a certain way. You can keep your clothes on. You can name places you can be touched. Like arms, back, neck, your feet etc.

    It's going to be awkward but that's normal. Try to approach it with patience and humour. You are supposed to be able to have some fun and it's up to you to define how you do it.

    You will propably get at least a bit more comfortable in the future but try to focus on what is happening now.
     
    Shorthaul and Claudio97 like this.
  4. RainbowGreen

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2013
    Messages:
    1,442
    Likes Received:
    44
    Location:
    Québec
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I think you should probably experiment with yourself alone first. If you have never masturbated because you felt uncomfortable, well, I don't really see it going any better with someone else.

    Test your own limits with yourself at first so then you can tell her what works and what doesn't. Also, go slowly. You don't want to get dysphoric during sex.
     
    Shorthaul and Claudio97 like this.
  5. Claudio97

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2017
    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Roma
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Thank you guys for replying me. The thing is she is scared she won't be able to make me feel good, when i only need her to breath to feel on cloud nine. I know what she likes and she thinks that she'll make me upset. I'm so lucky and i just want to reassure her and treat her the way she deserves.
     
    Shorthaul likes this.
  6. denouement

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2015
    Messages:
    225
    Likes Received:
    38
    Location:
    Riften
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    As was suggested, you can experiment on your own to figure out what does feel pleasurable for you, and where you really don't want to be touched. Kissing, touching extremities, touching over clothing might be enough for you where other things would be too dysphoric. Think about it, experiment/masturbate on your own if you're comfortable, and then tell her the results.

    Also tell her what you've said here.... seeing her happy makes you happy, and you don't need much reciprocation to feel good with her. And tell her what you are comfortable with her doing, no matter how much or how little. That should help her worries about not doing enough to make you feel good as well.