Hello, I'm new here and just wanted to introduce myself. I'm 48, married with a 14 yr. old son and just figuring out that I'm bisexual. I grew up in a religious, predominately military family so there was always a tremendous amount of shame attached to any erotic feelings toward other men. In the past year and a half I've lost both my Grandfather and father and no longer feel obligated to be overly masculine. I'm so grateful that this forum is here to talk about these things. I've spent a lot of years in shame and confusion. Thanks
whir1977.....Hello and a very big welcome to empty closets! I understand very well how religion, as well as just general societal attitude towards the LGBTQ Family, can have a huge negative effect on us. I spent many years suffering from depression, shame, and self-hate due to both of those sources. In 2014 at the age of 64, I finally accepted that I was and always had been gay. I'm married with grown children and grandkids and I've chosen to stay with my wife. I am out to her and my oldest son...they have been so wonderful and have accepted me...but that's another story. I am so happy for you ***HUGS*** that you have been able to start down the path of becoming your true self! It's never too late! I am glad that you have found us here on EC...check out all of the forums here and then jump right in. Remember that you are a part of our wonderful LGBTQ Family and we do care! .....David
Thank you David, it is such a huge relief to talk about this. The more I do talk about my sexuality, the less shame I feel and the more I am able to accept myself. -Jeff
Welcome to EC! Similar situation just on the opposite spectrum. Also from a military family and former military myself, plus a religious fanatic of a mother. I have a teen daughter at home. You'll find so much support here at EC. Keep talking and exploring. Things will get better.
Welcome! You're definitely in the right place. I encourage you to stick around and talk about the issues you're having as that's a great first step in coming to terms with how you feel.
Welcome my friend. I just came out to my wife last month at the age of 63. I also came from a very religious background (one reason I was in the closet for such a long time). Hope you make some good friends here at EC. There are plenty of good folks here ready to give encouragement and support! *smile*
Don't worry my friend. Coming out as ourselves is a tramatic experience, more so when we are older. I sometimes feel that I am still in a state of shock. I suppose that is natural, given the enornity of the change that is occurring. To help give you additional guidance, you may need to find a professional counselor in your area who is trained in these matters. All this can be a bit overwhelming and we may need some gentle words of support and wise counsel. Stay well. The end of this journey will be worth it! *smile*
Hey Dionysios, nice to meet you. I've been reading your posts and I completely get what you are going through with one major catch. I'm not out yet with my wife. We've been married for 16 years and have a 14 year old son which makes things infinity more complex. I think I wrote in my introduction that I have lost both male figures in my life in the past year so that has made things shift for me. Once I no longer felt compelled to be overtly masculine, I was able to accept that I found Men ( specifically Trans women ) very attractive. I'm off work right now on disability and find out tomorrow if they are sending me back. I feel like this time in my life, a whole new chapter is about to open. It is scary and exciting at the same time. I really appreciate all of the support this site has to offer and wish I would have found it a while ago. Thank you again for you previous kind words and I look forward to building on line friendships with you and other members here, Jeff P.S., what do you do in museums? I have worked in museums and fine art here in Northern California for twenty years. I love it!
Welcome. Sorry to hear about your recent family losses and the struggles you've had regarding being open about your sexuality. I hope you find the site helpful.
Hello Dionysios, Thanks for the advice. It's sure to be a bit of a rocky road this year but I feel hopeful..... I tried to PM about museums and such but this site wont let me. I guess I'm too new. Anyhow, if you wanted to PM that would be great. I'm happy to answer all museum/personal life questions. I'm just not sure how much of that information should be public right now all things considered. Cheers, Jeff
I understand that regular members cannot PM until they become full members. One has to have 50 posts before you able to apply. I applied for that about 2 weeks ago but it hasn't been granted so far. Some folks say that it takes a month. Since I have not posted such detailed info that people could actually identify me, I am not too worried about the personal information I have shared. Still, I understand your concern. For me, it is a relief just to chat with gay/bi people. I had no LGBTQ friends prior to coming out, so this has been a welcome outlet to talk about things I had never discussed with others. Hope to talk with you later. I used to live in California and loved visiting San Franciso. Didn't feel comfortable driving and trying to avoid all those trollies.*laugh* Take care! Dennis
Hi Whir, Welcome. It’s great when you feel a release in your life and are able to deal with stuff that’s always been there. And move forward to a free life. Real freedom, hopefully. Enjoy using the resources and enjoy Empty Closets.
Hi so nice to meet you! I came all the way out at 34 and left my not so healthy hetro relationship of 13 years. At the time my teenage son was suffering depression and anxiety. I had encouraged him to talk to me about anything and everything but he stayed clammed up until the night I told him we were leaving and I came out to him. I'll never forget the look of relief on his precious face. My ex (not his bio dad) was the stereotypical camo wearing, Chevy driving, redneck homophobe and my son never felt the freedom to be who he was. I knew, a mother always knows, that he wasn't straight. I'm so proud of the confidant young man he's become now. Anyway, sorry I didn't mean to make this about me lol. I can just relate on more than one level. Glad you're here and I know you'll find tons of support here!
Thank you Elle82, it has certainly been a weird journey for me. It's funny but I think the most supportive person in my life had been my Grandfather. After my macho, misogynistic, violent military dad left when I was five, my Grandfather stepped in as my dad. He passed about two years ago and when I look back on it, I think he knew I might not be strictly into women. Growing up as a kid when we would go out it was not uncommon for the waiter/waitress to ask me " and what will the young lady be having?" . It's funny that the one person I should have been able to lean on more was my single parent Mom. Instead, she would ask me if I had been wearing her cloths ( I hadn't ) and when I would try to dress nice as a young teenager she would sometimes tell me "God, you look like such a fag." . On the other hand, the Grandfather that I was close to was very nurturing and accepting of me. He was Native American, grew up in the depression and was a military vet from World war two. He was in North Africa, first wave at Sicily, first wave on Omaha beach at Normandy and at the Battle of the Bulge. Being Native American and a combat veteran, he was very quiet so when he spoke up, it was rare and people listened. I remember one afternoon, having lunch at my Grandparents house, there were a handful of elderly people there (I think my Grandfather was in his mid 70's at the time ) the subject of homosexuality came up and these elderly people were talking about how disgusting that was and my Grandfather spoke up. Since he was normally so quiet, everyone stopped talking. He said, " I think what two consenting adults want to do is no one else's damn business" . He went on a bit further but that was the main point. You could have heard a pin drop. God do I miss that guy. Sorry for being so verbose, I just had to post this. I really miss him and wonder if he was talking about me to a certain extent.
Your grandfather, like so many others from the "Greatest Generation," sounded like a wonderful gentleman! He was quite wise and open-minded. You were very fortunate to have had someone like him in your life as you grew up. May his memory be eternal!
