Am I normal or now losing the lot completely? A couple of days ago I started a conversation with a woman on a dating app. I contacted her first, then she responded quickly and after a texting exchange, she has asked whether I want to meet her. I am meeting another woman on Saturday and then the one who I've just been chatting to on 20th January. I feel a bit bad though, as, whilst both women seem interesting, I've been daydreaming about the one I started chatting to on New Year's Day. I think I'm going slightly crazy here as I haven't actually met either woman and already I'm thinking sexy thoughts about one of them. I keep telling myself off as probably there will be no chemistry with either or I will fancy one of them in person and neither will fancy me. Feeling like the teenager I never was here and rather out of my depth.
That's normal. After all, if you are dating/seeing someone, physical attraction is also part of it, besides being attracted to other elements on that person. Fantasizing is OK! Just take things slow and take the appropriate safety measures (meeting in a public place, telling a friend where you are going, using protection in case of sex, etc.) and everything should be fine. Enjoy your dates!
Hi @Peterpangirl - If what you described is crazy, then I'm totally crackers! I often have lusty, libidinous thoughts about different people. It's not a problem if it doesn't get in the way of doing things you need to do.
You get to fantasize about whoever and whatever you want! It's your brain and nobody can get in there.
I think that's total normal. I would have also said as a teenager I never had those feelings wpbut when I figured out my sexuality and started coming out it was like I went through a second puberty (or perhaps the one I never had) I have heard other people say it too so I think it is totally normal.
It was exactly the same for me. When I met my first and only female partner almost two years ago (we are both in our late fifties) we were ripping each others clothes off on our 4th date, and making love one or twice a day for the first 18 months. The intensity of emotions and physical sensations have been way beyond anything I ever experienced with my husband, and had me thinking wow, so this is how it is supposed to be! It was the best possible confirmation of my sexuality that I could ever have, and proved beyond all doubt that leaving my marriage was the right thing to do. I had assumed that sexual desire simply started out at the highest point, and then it was a slow downhill from there onwards as one aged. Sexual satisfaction might go up and down, depending on one's current partner, but the urge to make love would gradually fade. How wrong I was! Things have taken a bit of a nosedive over the last few months, largely due to the fact that I have been embroiled in a very messy divorce and my partner lost her father. My partner gradually started to be less interested, and whilst I never lost interest, I found myself often unable to climax. Due to what was going on, it seemed only natural. The problem is that, now my stress is over, I find myself wanting to return to our former levels of lovemaking, but my partner is not ready, and I'm concerned that this may become a permanent state of affairs. She was also married, but came out 20 years before me, and had 2 long relationships with women before I met her, so her "true puberty" was a long time ago, and I worry that her physical desire may be naturally starting to wane, whilst I still feel a teenager, sexually speaking. Things are possibly complicated by the fact I am on HRT, and she is not. I am trying not to make an issue of it, and to support her in her bereavement (I think she may be feeling depressed but isn't acknowledging it), but the fact that it is worrying me makes me feel rather selfish.
I don't think you should feel selfish, it's only natural now that your stress is over for your feelings to return and obviously if your partner is still dealing with her loss then I don't need think it necessarily means hers won't. You still have feelings but I think how you deal with them is the important thing. I'm assuming you have spoken to your parented about her possible depression?
We have just started talking about it over the last few days. Up until now, she has been angry whenever I have suggested it as a possibility, saying she is not depressed, we have no bedroom problems I am only imagining them, or if we do, it is my fault because I am failing to get her sufficiently aroused. Her relationship with her father was very complicated, and I can well understand she might be having problems dealing with her feelings at this time, but at the same time I didn't see why I should be unfairly blamed. At that point I said (as nicely as I could) I had had enough, and that I am only too willing to help her in whatever way she needs, but I'm not prepared to have all her anger directed against me, whilst she takes no responsibility whatsoever for the state of affairs. As a result, we have had some long talks, a lot of tears, and I have persuaded her to at least consider the possibility of bereavement counselling.
Well that sounds like great progress even if it's been hard fought getting there. I know it doesn't help you or make it right but often when we struggle we direct the anger at those closest to us, even though it is often nothing to do with them. I think counselling would really benefit her.
