Hello! The experiences shared here have been helping me the past couple of years. This is my first post. I am ready now to venture out into the lesbian community and could use some help now. My relationship with men has been long and complicate. I am 43 and have been single now for 4 years, I took that time to really figure myself and my sexual identity out. I have children who are older and I have only come out to my oldest daughter. I have joined a lesbian social group and have RSVP'd to 2 events. I know that rhis is necessary to move forward and really am craving a social life, as I have not had one in such a long time. I am nervous about being accepted, I feel my past has been complicated and am nervous to share that... how do you get to know people when your "brand new" in their community? Do you just say I'm coming out late, how do you do this? Should I message the organizers and ask or would that be weird? Has anyone done this yet, that would be willing to share? Thank you
Hmm. I don’t think you have to tell anyone ahead of time. Just go to the events and see how it feels. I joined a couple of meet-up groups, but I live more than an hour away and haven’t been able to attend yet. Hope it does great!
I just think I would pitch up and try to relax and be yourself. It's just a bunch of people at the end of the day. You are as much part of the lgbt community as anyone. Many gay women and men have a previous history with the opposite sex anyway. If you get chatting and it comes up in conversation then fine. Otherwise I would just chat with people...if anyone has a problem with it they are just a bigot and that's their issue to deal with.
Hey @Maree43, Welcome to EC! I wouldn’t worry too much about having to share anything you’re not comfortable sharing. I belong to a lesbian/bi meetup group and have been to a variety of events and I can’t remember one time when anybody has asked anything personal. I’d say the conversations were similar to one’s you might have with colleagues. Pretty mundane, actually. It really is just a bunch of people out doing some activity or other. They just all happen to be women who like women. ;] When I go, I just assume they think I’m out because I’m there, aren’t I? But I’m not and nobody ever asks or questions why I’m there. It can be quite daunting to go the first time but every little step you take gets you closer to being comfortable about being there. For me, i had to take a little pause after each “step” (Park the car, breathe, fill the meter, breathe, go into the pub, breathe, spot the group, breathe, introduce myself, sit down and breathe properly) and then remind myself that I could turn around at any moment and go home. Nobody knew me, right? It turned out just fine. The conversation was mostly about the weather (our first snow that year), construction in the city, traffic and other almost mind-numbingly boring topics. So if that’s for you, you’ll have a great time! Haha
Just want to say congrats to you for putting yourself out there!! I agree with what everyone said about just being you and not worrying about the details. Enjoy meeting new people in a like minded community.
I don't think you need to tell anything beyond your comfort level. While I realize that this is a big step for you, it is just a social outing. I am not a lesbian (being a guy), but I don't know that the people there are going to grill you to see if you "qualify". I would try to treat it as any social event. Good luck
So... I'm curious how it went? I was watching Out Late last night (again... for like the 50th time) and the woman in the beginning (Eileen) did something similar. She literally asked a random couple that she thought were gay if they were partners (yes) and then asked them about lesbian groups. She made a bunch of friends that way and actually had a "coming out" party. It made me consider doing something similar.
I’ve been struggling with the same thing. I live in New York and found a lesbian bar here. I walked by one Monday after work and dared myself to go in. I was terrified but felt a welcoming atmosphere. It was like a big party. Nice group and nobody seemed to care about whatever my sexuality was. My fear was if I saw someone I knew or just the fact that I was there. But I just went with it. Was a big step. And glad I took it.
