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Squeamish about going down on another woman

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Wan2Luv, Jan 9, 2019.

  1. Wan2Luv

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    I’m a woman in my late 40’s and starting to question my sexuality. I’ve never been physical w anither woman but have often fantasized. One thing I find unsettling - and perhaps a stumbling block - is the idea of performing oral sex on another woman. Has anyone else experienced this? And how did you get over it?
     
  2. Shorthaul

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    Aside form the glaringly obvious difference between going down on a guy or a woman, the basic idea is pretty much the same. It did take a little more coaching for me to figure out what a woman enjoyed, but going down on a guy was easy because I am more familiar with the equipment to overly simplify it.

    Without trying to be overly crude or crass, but at least when you give a woman oral, you don't have to worry about your gag reflex. To me while what you are doing physically is different; the mental act of going down on your partner is the same for both genders. It is a very trusting and intimate thing for a couple.

    I think the biggest hurdle I had was being worried about how clean my partner was down there.
     
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  3. shasha1997

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    it was a normal expectation for me. she oralled me first as more experienced. after I do her she excited for intercourse in me. the taste was sweeter than guy stuff
     
  4. shasha1997

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    is probably more challenging at your age. my first experience was preteen so did not think ahead about doing it. was just natural response to to me after she started first
     
  5. Landgirl

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    As Shorthaul said, it doesn't cause you to gag, so I therefore found it lot easier. Plus I felt more in control, due to no pushing inside from my partner. If you are worried about hygiene, why not try it for the first time shortly after a bath/shower. I found the hardest part when doing it for the first time was getting in a comfortable position, it took a little bit of shifting around, which I was slightly embarrassed by.
     
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  6. LostInDaydreams

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    Hi @Wan2Luv

    I haven’t been with a woman either, but I can relate to what you’re describing. I felt the same towards the very beginning of my questioning. I don’t feel the same way now. I have since fantasied about it. For me, it was just a case of getting used to the idea. I hadn’t really thought about it before and part of me was probably uncomfortable with it too. I know it doesn’t help much, but for me it was just a case of time.

    Perhaps you’ll feel differently when the time comes or if you meet the right woman. Or, possibly you’re just not into performing oral on women. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, right?
     
  7. SoulSearch

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    I'm also in my 40s and had never been with a woman until fairly recently. I was worried about going down on a woman too, and I've always found vaginas a bit icky looking. For me it changed when I become intimate with my girlfriend. I found that my desire for her and my longing to bring her pleasure helped me overcome the "ick" factor. Going down on her isn't my favorite part of sex, but I like what it does for her and I'm starting to enjoy it more even aside from that. My biggest issue is that it's difficult for me physically. I can't seem to figure out how to position my neck and head to make it comfortable enough to sustain it for any length of time and it feels awkward (physically). I really like her going down on me, so I want to make her feel good too and I am looking forward to figuring out how to do it without the pain. ha ha. We're in a long distance relationship, so we don't get to be together as much as I'd like. We always shower shortly before having sex, so I don't have to worry about hygiene issues. I suspect you might feel better about the idea of oral when the vulva is connected to someone you are attracted to and care about. But there are other ways to give and receive pleasure, so just be sure you communicate and you'll figure it out.
     
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  8. Amoye0416

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    I dont have this problem at all lol. My problem is actually finding a woman to go down on. Are you sure you like women? I mean sexuality isnt black and white there is a spectrum, you probably are attracted to beautiful people.
     
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  9. Leah061

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    I think this isn't uncommon at all, especially as you're just beginning to come to terms with liking women. Genitals on their own are generally a bit unappealing, but I found that the more I knew I liked women, the more I found the thought of going down on a girl more appealing. It may just be that you need some more time to accept your feelings. But as others have said, that is not the only way to have sex with a girl if it's something you're not ready for.
     
  10. shasha1997

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    i think any relationship with limitations such as no cunnilingus will be short lived at the best. while you may think it is a choice it really a condition of commitment to a meaningful association with any gender fluid lover whether male or female
     
  11. Forlong

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    I’ve had thought about this when I began to have feelings of attraction to women again. I didn’t know if I could enjoy the taste of another woman besides myself. I think the first time will be awkward and explorative but I don’t feel it will be an issue. I felt the same before I gave my first bj, thought it would be gross and painful to do. I learn to enjoy it, practice different positions and got over my fear.
     
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  12. weary

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    There are other ways of satisfying without oral as others have already posted. I think the key with everything is communication. That is the biggest fear to get past - talking. Talk to your partner about what they like and be open with them about what you like. We are not all the same in that regard and we each may like it differently. Some people do not like the thought even of someone going down on them, others want more than just that. As long as you remain open and communicate, the actual act won't be so difficult.
     
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  13. hyperaware

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    I'm a lesbian, in a relationship, and I hate performing oral sex. As long as you're both on the same page, there's nothing wrong with that and it doesn't make you like women any less. Some people are just not that into smashing their faces on another person's genitals.
     
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  14. Bouldghirl

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    I’m going to take a different tack. What turns your genitals into a quivering mess? If you know the answer to that then you have a physiological answer. If you don’t then maybe it’s time for you to explore your body properly. When you are comfortable with your body then you should think about the pleasure you get from that and what it could mean to another woman. If you can offer the pleasure you get - voila! You have just learned our little secret!
     
  15. DreamSky83

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    I can understand, perhaps you could be nervous. I'm not sure. At the moment I'm single and I don't have a girlfriend or even have done so, so I'm sure I'll relate with you when I come to it too because it's completely new to me. Dating has been really hard in this era. Just do what you feel comfortable with, try small, little by little, talk with your partner and don't be afraid to ask questions and be open. Trust me- eventually things will eventually won't be weird for you. Just be yourself and talk to your partner about everything. Perhaps you two can open up sexually together and have a long talk. In time, I'm sure you'll feel comfy about things. Take baby steps. :slight_smile:
     
  16. Butterfly6

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    I used to feel this way when I started noticing my sexuality. I dont think I'd feel comfortable doing this with a random person but more someone I love and am connected to. This is more about making them feel good. But who knows this could change and I honestly know nothing about lesbian sex.

    With men, I have enjoyed oral sex for my benefit, it's a lusty feeling where his body is erotic. With my husband I'm into it but mostly for his sake, once in a while it can be lusty for me too.
     
  17. L8bloomer

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    I used to feel this way too, very hesitant. For some reason, in recent times I was able to get really into it. It was the thought of giving her pleasure that made it so hot. It can definitely be intimidating, but for me, I find that if you’re going to go for it, it’s best to just go all in. Of course, as others have said, that’s not the only way to be intimate with a woman. The woman I was with was a bit unsure at first too, but we still had some really enjoyable times.
     
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  18. Shasta

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    @Wan2Luv

    What do you consider sex between two woman?

    The right woman will talk to you about it.

    I’m not into oral myself
     
  19. TaraSc1315

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    This is super interesting to me. I feel like fingering and oral are it. I don't thoroughly enjoy oral from my husband, so i am really worried i won't enjoy it with the woman i am seeing. I know, though, that i absolutely cannot wait to go down on her. As bisexual, that's all i think about. I don't know what to do, so i am worried on that end as well, but I, naively, never thought a lesbian would have an aversion to oral.