Well, the terribly cyclical thoughts and questioning and dysphoria are back again. I’ve answered all of the questions that I have about myself over and over again in my head and still dissociate and go back and forth and question and question.. every day I ask myself if I’m just going to up and make an appointment to start T or not and I can’t deal with these brain circles anymore.. Does anyone on here have accounts of going in hormones temporarily with the plan for it only ever to be temporary that they would be willing to share? Does anyone have accounts of going on hormones and then deciding it wasn’t for you / just not the right time for you and did it make a large impact on your life? Also accounts about what you struggle with on the daily whilst just living as an androgynous presenting / medically transitioned non-binary person would be nice to hear too. And maybe even anyone who has spent many years transitioned down the line in either a binary or non-binary way and then found that their identity changed or they sought to detransition in some way? All different kinds of responses are appreciated, but mostly only those if you’ve experienced medical transition yourself please as oppossed to just advising me to think about if it’s right for me more before jumping in. I’ve been in this brain spiral for a year at least now so I’m trying to find more varied experiences to bury my fears..
I am binary transman so I don't get everything you nonbinary people go through. I was on a half dose of T for two months though at first. I experience some voice changes, there was new thicker body hair and some mental changes. And yes, bottom growth. What are you dysphoric about? What kind of changes do you want? Is there anything you really don't want to happen if you take T? Are the risks worth it? For example you could start loosing some hair. Testosterone is a very strong hormone and many effects can't be reversed. It's good if you take your time and really think it through. You have to be 100% sure when you put it in your body. There are afab people with PCOS with a full beard although they appear completely female. That extra testosterone did it. They can also experience balding. I apparently had PCOS but I just got a lot more muscular than my sisters without doing anything and a masculine hairline that receded a bit more after taking T. (I still can't grow a beard...) You must do some deep soul searching before making these decicions. I also have lived as a man who looks really androgynous. People and especially children often wondered out loud when I could obviously hear them if I am make or female. Some people were a bit uncomfortable around me. It's not their fault it feels weird if someones' gender can't be easily determined. There are not many people like that around and it's a new thing to almost everyone. I think there is beauty in androgyny though and so do many others. Proceed with extreme caution but if you have dysphoria and testosterone would make your life much better, it could be the right choice. I hope someone can tell you more about the long term effects of low dosage of T.
When it comes to hormones, there is no way to tell how our bodies will react to them. Some people will have their voice drop first, others will start to notice that they are sweating more first. You really are not able to pick choose the results that you want to get. I remember when I was thinking about going on hormones I thought about if I would be able to handle "the worst case" of changes that could happen on T.
As was said by earlier responders, you can't pick and choose - it's luck of the draw - your DNA and body response to T is different for every person. I'm a non-binary transguy. I started on a low dose of T in 2016. The initial thought was that I would take it in stages. After two weeks I would decide if I liked what I had so far and whether to continue, then two months, then six months, one year, and two years. After two weeks I decided to continue to two months. At that point I loved the results so much I went full-dose. I am now 17 months on full dose and very happy with it. I am continuing to present femme at will even while doing a full surgical transition (I already had top surgery). So basically when I go on a femme swing mentally, I till present femme, but with a male body underneath. I was never very classically feminine in the first place, and am pairing my transition with drastic weight loss (120 lbs so far) so people are assigning my new appearance to weight loss. I also have to shave my face daily, sometimes twice daily. I didn't get much in the way of voice changes at all (ever), I sound like pre-T me with a cold, but I got a lot of bottom growth right away. I have muscle gains, but not a huge amount of hair growth.
