Fellow Bisexuals ?

Ah, the joys of bisexuality! Glad to know I'm not the only one who feels that way, minus the wanting to be straight part. I would rather be gay than straight, but now I'm stuck in the middle. Even though I'm mostly attracted to the opposite sex, I cannot disregard my feelings for the same sex, so I'm bisexual, not straight and not gay (lesbian). And we're supposed to have so much bigger dating pool, yet most of us struggle to find someone we click with... Guess you can't have your cake and eat it too, huh?

 

But why not just join groups for gays? I joined some lesbian groups and there are plenty of bi women in there. With men it has to be the same.

 

Not all lesbian women are nice to bisexual women. I've talked to several bisexual women who don't have contact with their lesbian friends anymore and some of them have really tried to not loose their friendships. There are a lot of prejudices concerning bisexual women in certain groups. Sometimes you can even notice it in facebook groups.

 

It's true, but you don't have to befriend those prejudiced people and there are other bisexuals hanging out too.

 

Just do it

 

Hi your not alone

 

One more person to tell you that you're not alone!

 

You're welcome!

 

Hello Brandy Bee!

 

This made me think... Both people that I have been long term relations with (previous LTR with a women and the guy I am currently engaged to) are both bisexual as well. I found it much more difficult to connect with straight or gay people than people who were bi... Although somewhat expected that many straight people of the opposite sex would not understand how we could be attracted to either gender, it is more perplexing to me that gay people seem to have the same issue, as you would think they would understand you can't control who you are attracted to.

I found that when I was dating, I felt I was dismissed immediately when putting bisexual in my profile versus gay when looking for males and straight when picking females. Hell I have had both males and females block me after long conversations online immediately after telling them I was bi. It was there loss I guess... But it definitely doesn't lend itself to having a much bigger dating pool.

 

I've also experienced a lot of hate by straight as well as gay people. It sucks. But like you said - It's their loss. As soon as people hear that you're bisexual, it's like that instant, "So, you will dump me for someone of the other sex, or you will cheat on me with someone of the other sex". I'm pretty open about my sexuality because it's a part of who I am, and if someone rejects me purely based on that, they're shallow and narrow-minded, and again - IT'S THEIR LOSS!!! (And let's not forget the ones who immediately think, "hello threesomes!" when you tell them you're bisexual). UGH! So frustrating!!!

 

I guess a good way to look at it is that it allows us to eliminate shallow close-minded people immediately before investing too much time on it. I went way too long hiding the real me, terrified that I would do something that could make someone suspicious of my sexuality. No way could I ever be with someone who doesn't accept me for who I am, not some idealized mask that I have to create.

People assume I would have been promiscuous before I entered into my current (monogamous) relationship, but it can take me months before I build a close enough bond to someone to find them attractive. (If were to break down my label as descriptively as possible, it would be pan-romantic demisexual) This lead to me pretty much only ever finding people attractive that were either straight male friends or female friends that were already in a relationship. Its sad that I will probably only ever end up sleeping with a half dozen people in my life (assuming my fiance and I stay together), but most people will assume that I am sleeping with everyone because "all bisexuals are promiscuous"

How is your part of South Africa for LGBT people?

 

I know, right? People cheat. Not because of whatever sexuality they are, but because they are terrible humans. Of course, polyamorous couples are something completely different. I'm talking about monogamous couples, where one (or sometimes both) partners cheat... So I completely understand the frustration...

For the most part, I think it's neutral. I don't see enough LGBT people around to say for certain, but I think most people don't really mind/care about others' preferences. I've gotten some "looks" from people, especially middle-aged and older, but it's like water off a duck's back, lol.

 

Exactly, I have nothing against people having on-monogamous relationships, but I have no desire to ever be in one. Seeing as this is a general bisexual thread, what's on your opinion of polyamorous relationships?

That's good, sounds a lot like America in some of the more rural parts. Older people over here are much more likely to be homophobic, but like you, they usually just give a dirty look at worst when I am out with my significant other. They only hold power over you if you let them get to you, so i just ignore them. From my limited exposure from meeting South African immigrants over here in the US, it seems as though the culture is very much a "live and let live" attitude. I'm glad that transfers over to acceptance of LGBT people. Are you in a more populated or rural area?

 

Honestly? Not a fan. To each their own though. I'm the jealous type, so that arrangement will never work for me. Same reason why I will never participate in threesomes, foursomes or any type of sex involving more than me and one partner.

Well, we are quite a few different cultures in South Africa. I'm white. We also have Indians, black people and what we call "coloured" people. I guess they're a lot like African-Americans, but they have their own lingo and speak in a different dialect than the Afrikaans speaking people (me). There's even a difference in the dialect of English speaking South Africans (mother tongue) and the English that Afrikaans people speak. The coloured people are more prevalent in the Cape (coast), but can be found inland too. I live in a more populated area.

 

Bi guy here. Always feel like I'm not 'gay' enough to participate in anything lgbt-related but also can't relate with straight people in the same way. >.<

 

Yeah, I don't think I could ever even be OK with a partner that was not interested in a monogamous relationship. I've seen several people try them, but never seen it work long term. after a year or two it seems like jealousy usually breaks it apart (And I am the same way. I think its instinctual.I don't want to share my partner with anyone else, and I don't want to share my body with anyone beside my partner)

Oh, OK. I didn't realize your country had a significant Indian population at all. You learn something new everyday!
I have to ask knowing more on your situation, What the hell is going on with your country and the expropriation of lands from white farmers to black people. Is this a major problem in your country right now, or is this being misrepresented in the US media? Have you seen any of the effects of this?

 

Welcome to the bisexual life Disarray! I think that happens to us a lot. Female friends will ask me to go to something like a fashion show, Guys will ask me to go to sporting events, and I end up staying home because I have no interest in either of those subjects. I think it goes back to what we were talking about earlier in this thread where we are supposed to have a huge dating pool, but end up realizing almost all the people that we click with are bisexuals.

 

I wouldn't say that it's a significant amount of Indians - Not in the parts where I live anyway. They too are more toward the coast (Durban (In Kwazulu Natal), for example). But you do get some of them where I live. On average, I'd say there are much more black people around than other races, though in some places you see more white people. It really depends where in the country you are, or even which suburb...

And about the expropriation - The US isn't taking it out of proportion, it IS a serious matter, and it IS happening. Also farm attacks that's still ongoing...