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Getting hit on by the opposite sex and drama

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Silveroot, Jan 2, 2019.

  1. Silveroot

    Silveroot Guest

    I like this reply a lot, it's really empowering. I agree I'll have to own my sexuality, it's something I'm currently working on. I visited a psychologist yesterday and she told me the same thing, in different words. I'm taking baby steps, first I need to deal with my own feelings. Thank you for taking the time to reply here.
     
  2. Silveroot

    Silveroot Guest

    Some are just jerks I guess. A large percent is simply insecure and with bad manners, so they take things like this personally and react badly.

    I think porn plays a part in their ignorance, because it promotes a completely distorted meaning of what a lesbian woman wants or does. For porn-producers and straight men, sexual activity of that type is just for the pleasure of the viewer. For the average straight male 'lesbian' is just a porn tag and unfortunately some have pretty poor boundaries and can't tell between make-believe fantasy and reality. To be honest, most porn doesn't cultivate any respect towards women, so anything that reminds them of their favorite leisure time 'fun' can make them behave like this. I believe most of them do it just to fool around with their ultimate fantasy of being some sort of harem owner. Also if you bring to it 'size' insecurities, most of these men falsely believe they'll have no competition, because they are the only ones with a penis and don't have to worry and that makes them just feel unstoppable. So if I go and try to inform them that a real life lesbian isn't someone secretly wishing to be with a man they won't take it, because it ruins their fantasy. Which is just plain silly, but this is what I've come to understand.

    The funny part is that some of these men if you ask them are against equal rights of lgbt people and gay marriage. These can be brought to their senses if you mention that they shouldn't watch their favorite les porn anymore. I haven't tried it, but I've heard it works.
     
    #22 Silveroot, Jan 5, 2019
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 5, 2019
  3. Mihael

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    How absurd. There are so many things wrong with this mindset that I find it hard to believe that someone might think that, but it seems to fit the inane behaviour of some individuals.
     
  4. DirectionNorth

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    Not only that, but why there seem to be so many of them is what boggles me. And it's not just a matter of the small percentage just being super loud and obnoxious, it really is a case of there really are alot of those kinds of people. I can't fathom it either, I doubt it ever worked for them, I doubt a construction worker ever got a date or married after catcalling a woman. Though back to the bar situation, I guess also desperation, because no respectable woman would go for that, even if she was straight. Yet, they never learn and wonder why they get no one. So stupid and frustrating
     
  5. Devil Dave

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    Actually, there are women who react this way to gay men. They're not as common as straight men who get sleazy over lesbians, but I have met some women who were like that towards me. I think it's more likely to happen to gay men who are shy and inhibited.

    I think some women kind of use the "faghag" status to excuse being pervy over gay men.
     
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  6. DirectionNorth

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    Oh, I think I've heard of that, but didn't know anything about them. I've heard straight girls tend to want that token gay guy friend and ask for fashion advice, but they hit on them as well? Geez!! I probably sound naiive, but why can't people, of both genders, respect things like that. Even if I was straight, I would never hit on a gay guy since, common sense, gay means not into women. Is it something like people want more what they can't have? Sort of a victory thing? Still wrong, disrespectful, and stupid, though.
     
    #26 DirectionNorth, Jan 5, 2019
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2019
  7. Devil Dave

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    I think its more like straight women using gay men as an excuse/opportunity to act like sluts and get away with it. A woman won't act like a slut with a bunch of straight guys on a night out because they might take it too far or she'll end up with a reputation, but if she acts like a slut with a bunch of gay guys, they aren't going to try to have sex with her, so she's "safe". A lot of gay men do encourage that sort of behavior with their girlfriends, though - groping and fondling on the dance floor. Personally I despise that sort of behavior between gay men and straight women. I'm not against being friends with women, of course, but I do have my boundaries.
     
  8. Silveroot

    Silveroot Guest

    I agree with having some boundaries, I mean if nothing sexual will never happen, what's the point of giving mixed messages? I don't get it.
     
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  9. OGS

    OGS
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    I've certainly encountered my fair share of very persistent women in my day. But I don't particularly mind a faghag from time to time. What really grinds my gears are the hagfags, those guys who just seem to live for all the misplaced attention, always trotting out their little schtick for their easy audience... Oh well, I guess it takes all kinds.
     
  10. beenthrdonetht

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    Yes. And yes.
     
  11. Devil Dave

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    I wasn't even aware that hagfag was an actual term. I do avoid making friends with too many straight females. I mean, I'm a gay man, the last thing I want is to be surrounded by women when I go out.

    I've also been put off by guys who seem to have too much of a close friendship with their girlfriends. I find that if I try to get to know a gay guy and his girlfriend is sitting right there, then she ends up taking over the conversation and soaking up all the attention and I end up knowing more about her personal life than his. And I don't really have the heart to say "pardon me, but could you bugger off and let the men speak privately?"
     
  12. OGS

    OGS
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    I don't think it actually is. I believe I may have actually coined it (although it's entirely possible I heard it somewhere and just don't remember), but most gay guys know exactly what it refers to when they hear it.
     
    #32 OGS, Jan 6, 2019
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2019
  13. Melancholy

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    I personally haven't come across this (thankfully.) They usually just either look a bit embarrassed and walk away, or most of the time they just understand immediately and leave.
     
    #33 Melancholy, Jan 6, 2019
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  14. Lone Wolfe

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    I never had a shortage of fag hags hanging around me in high school. Basically, they were girls who didn't want their boy friends climbing all over them asking for sex. Since that wasn't going to happen with me, they would hang around me for safety.

    I graduated 1-1/2 years early, as in half-way through my junior year. I had done all my credits and got out early. After I graduated, I continued to hang around some of my friends while they were finishing up their high school. One guy, who I thought was straight, hit on me one time when I was at his home. He cornered me and demanded I take off my clothes. I was caught off guard, and didn't know what to do. I ended up not doing anything. If he wanted to see me naked, it was going to be mutual, not just me alone. Gosh guy, I didn't know you liked me that way. He claimed he didn't, and that he was straight, but tell me how many straight guys corner other guys and demand they take their clothes off. Yeah right.
     
  15. Shorthaul

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    The problem is most all of that discussed here is generally fueled by the whole make a baby thing or religion and some men thinking all women should be gracious the dude paid any attention to them at all.

    The women are jealous because they want sperm donors and there are guys who think their sex game is so good, they could make you straight.
     
  16. bayslap

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    I can relate. I’m a guy and I get hit on all the time by females. I’m the only guy at the office, so I have to always be on my best behavior. I’m not out yet because I have a lot to lose. I got rent to pay, gas electricity and student loans to pay off. I was recently in a situation where a female coworker falsely accused me of sexual harrassment and it completely ruined my reputation in the company. As a man, i have to be more careful a lot more around women, especially if you were in a company that is predominantly female.
     
  17. Silveroot

    Silveroot Guest

    To me, this counts as sexual assault. I'm glad you stood up for yourself.

    I see. It's sad that such a serious accusation was used against you with no basis on reality. I'm in a similar position (without this particular accusation), I have a lot to lose if I come out. If I want to live out of the closet and with a career of my liking, I'll probably have to live abroad unfortunately. I don't see it happening here.
     
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  18. Silveroot

    Silveroot Guest

    Somehow I got it right then. Good to know.
     
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  19. Lone Wolfe

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    That has been my experience as well. I'm totally ready to leave the US and move to a country that doesn't care whether you are gay or not. Only a few more years and I'm gone.
     
  20. Devil Dave

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    And you know what? It's not flattering when a member of the opposite sex tries to hit on you.

    It's one thing giving compliments on how I look or how nice I seem, or misreading signals and mistaking me for a straight man, but if I said I don't like girls, it means I don't like girls. It doesn't mean I haven't met the right kind of girl yet. It doesn't mean I've had a rough childhood and with the right kind of persuasion I can give up being a gay man. I'm not issuing a challenge for a woman to seduce me. My relationship with the opposite sex will never go further than a hug. Fully clothed.

    If a woman persists, then she's only really making a fool of herself. The closer she tries to get to me, the more repulsed I'm going to become. And then she'll end up feeling insulted that somebody hated the thought of having sex with her. That's her problem, it's what you get for trying to come on to a gay man. That's why she should keep at a respectable distance. It does not make me feel flattered when I have to make someone feel ugly just from being myself.
     
    Silveroot likes this.