Bi, Pan or Lesbian

I hope you'll pardon me for smiling when you said "I've confused myself even more now." I sympathize.

You paint the picture very clearly. When you scan the field around you, in stores, classes, on the street, more girls attract you than guys do. And one real crush, who was a girl. You should wait until you've had several more real crushes. (If they happen!) If they're all girls, say would be different from being half girls.

Oh about the endless thinking: well just welcome to the club of people who obsess. (That's almost all of us.) A remedy for obsessing is to bring other people into it and make it a conversation. Here on EC is the place to do it.

Still I didn't directly answer the question in your subject line. So, I'd round you up to lesbian for now, but with the openness to being bi. (Getting over embarrassment — that switching labels means you were somehow "wrong" before — is hard.)

 

Hi! It sounds a bit like my situation. I’ve been confused about my sexuality since my late teens and flip flopped between thinking I was straight and lesbian. Two years ago I came out to my friends and family as I had convinced myself I was gay (I was 37, so I’ve spent a long long time trying to work it out). When I did come out I thought I’d feel more comfortable in myself. However, lately I had a crush on a guy, and it threw me into a new identity crisis.

I’ve come to realise I’m actually bi and it depends on the person as I rarely hit it off with people immediately. I can go years without thinking about either sex or it seems to be only one that interests me. I don’t know why, but for the past 8 years I’ve not been interested in men until recently, so imagine my surprise after coming to term with being gay to find out I still have attractions to the opposite sex.

What I’m getting it as that don’t feel you have to tie yourself to a label. It might be that you meet a woman and settle down for life with her, or a man, or maybe you fee it changes over time. There aren’t any rules to it, other than go with your flow and see where your heart takes you.

For what’s it’s worth, there’s a difference between finding someone attractive and actually being attracted to them. You can appreciate someone’s good looks without wanting to date them, so if you feel mostly drawn to women but still notice when a guy is good looking, don’t let it put you off claiming the lesbian label.

Only you know who you’re attracted to, you’re the one who’s going through those emotions, so don’t let anyone else dictate what you can and can’t call yourself.