1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Have debated my sexuality for years and came out, not sure now

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by ladykiki, Dec 31, 2018.

  1. ladykiki

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2016
    Messages:
    66
    Likes Received:
    32
    Location:
    Scotland
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I came out last year to my family as gay. I was 36 and had spent that past decade (yes, that long) really trying to figure out my sexuality. I’ve been attracted to men before, and had some boyfriends, none were long term or successful. But they were real, and I don’t deny they happened or how I felt about them.

    I realised I was attracted to women about age 18ish maybe, but I ignored but I thought there was no way I was gay. But when I finally accepted I was attracted to women, I became so sure I was gay, that my relationships and attractions to men weren’t real, and this is why none of my relationships worked.

    But now... I think I’m really bi. I still have attractions to men, although never acted on. I’m also very much attracted to women. But what I think it is really, is the personality of a person. Of all the relationships I’ve had with guys, there’s always been a chemistry there. I know that the majority of couples have chemistry and that’s why they hook up. I think it’s just that I very rarely find these connections

    The other thing is, I really like my own personal space. I love being a free agent. I was always a bit aloof in my relationships, I guess maybe because I wanted to keep a bit of me separate.

    When I came out, I thought it would be a weight off my mind, that I would feel comfortable and happy with myself, but that didn’t happen. Instead I feel like I put myself in a box that didn’t suit me.

    Basically what I’m getting at is that I think I’m actually bi. I’m also rubbish at being in relationships. I know this post isn’t really going anywhere, but I find starting private conversations awkward with people, so I use this as a sounding board.

    Has anyone else came out but then realised they were wrong? I struggled to work up the courage to come out, and now I wish I hadn’t bothered.
     
    androgynousdog likes this.
  2. Jakebusman

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2015
    Messages:
    1,978
    Likes Received:
    529
    Location:
    Ohio
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I've known I was Bi since middle school I'm 29 now married 7 years and just recently came out there's never a wrong time to come out
     
    ladykiki likes this.
  3. weary

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2018
    Messages:
    352
    Likes Received:
    270
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    All but family
    As a teen I only had crushes on girls and had a few girlfriends. Long story short - said I was straight to the point I believed it, then came out as bisexual regretted coming out went back in the closet came out as lesbian, went back in the closet, came out as lesbian again two years ago and stayed out of the closet so far. Because I have had two 10+ yr marriages to men I still wonder if I am bisexual, pansexual or truly lesbian. I don't know anymore and have gotten to the point I don't care for labels. I am me. I am not sexually attracted to anyone but women, but can become emotionally attached to anyone which leads to a sexual-type attraction, but not a carnal, lustful, sexual attraction if that makes any sense. There's no arousal with anyone but women for me.
     
    ladykiki likes this.
  4. androgynousdog

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2016
    Messages:
    108
    Likes Received:
    62
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    absolutely. i came out as bisexual at 22 and even had several partners (1 nb and 2 women) which unfortunately didnt work out. but i continue to struggle w my sexuality and gender as my feelings are very confusing for me. you are not alone in that--and that is ok. you arent lying or faking it.
     
    ladykiki likes this.
  5. SiraRom

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2018
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Alabama, USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You're not alone in this. I've wrestled with my sexuality since I was in middle school. I decided that might be bi in my early 20's and didn't come out to anyone but my SO until this year. Now that I'm out, I worry that my attractions to the same sex might not be real (the opposite of the concerns I had in high school and college). I think it is important not to worry too much about labels if they cause you more anxiety than comfort. Just love whoever happens to suit your fancy.
     
    Siananigen and ladykiki like this.
  6. ladykiki

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2016
    Messages:
    66
    Likes Received:
    32
    Location:
    Scotland
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Thank you everyone, I think I might take the same approach I did when I came out and when it pops up in conversation I’ll say things have changed somewhat. I know it’s no one else’s concern what my orientation is, but at the same time I like that people are aware. No one cared when I came out as gay, so I don’t think they’d care if I came out another way.

    It’s more me being comfortable with myself and understanding my own feelings, especially when I thought I’d figured it out. But I guess some things don’t really need to be figured out, and best to go with you feelings rather than put yourself in a box.
     
    androgynousdog likes this.
  7. Jakebusman

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2015
    Messages:
    1,978
    Likes Received:
    529
    Location:
    Ohio
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    You will know when the time is right trust me
     
    ladykiki likes this.
  8. Butterfly6

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2018
    Messages:
    211
    Likes Received:
    83
    Location:
    Toronto
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    As another who has questioned their sexuality since I was a teen, I just don't use any labels. I have feelings for both sexes and could label as bisexual, but I tend to switch back and forth a lot. I just don't even bother anymore and take the feelings as they are.
     
    ladykiki and androgynousdog like this.