hiya! This is my first post here : p I’d like to talk about something that bothers me. As you read from the title, I’m not really out to my mum because she’s biphobic, or more appropriately, she can’t wrap her head around the concept of bisexuality, for her its either Gay or Straight no middle ground. For example, when Brendon Urie came out as pansexual, she said “Oh he’s gay” even after I told her he has a wife. Also Skin (the singer) is bisexual but she just labels her as a lesbian, she does the same with a friend I have who is actually pansexual. She doesn't seem to be very homophobic however, she does feel uncomfortable talking about LGBT+ topics, but she often jokes about it, in fact I think she knows I’m queer through some “hints” like me hanging out with people who aren't straight and shipping male/male characters, and she doesn't seem to have a problem with it. I’m still quite torn because if I were to fully come out, idk how I would explain how I’m not straight but I’m not gay either, she’ll probably think I’m just pulling her leg and not take me seriously.
Have you tried explaining bisexuality to her? Have a proper sit down and talk to her to try to understand where she's coming from. My mother's kinda the same, except that she's homophobic. I haven't had a proper sit down to talk about pansexuality, but I think for people like that, you should try to explain to them the concept of bisexuality/ pansexuality through a proper sit down. As in, less emotional and more...factual? Maybe then, after a few more times, you can come out to her as bi without her thinking that you're just pulling her leg. Best of luck!!
Yeah that could work ! I haven’t had a factual chat with her on bisexuality, because I didn’t expect it to go well. But now that you mention it its worth giving it a shot, if I make it less emotional and more factual, as you said. I’ll keep ya updated!
Best of luck!! Just remember it might take some time, so don't get too disheartened if it dosen't get through to her on the first try. She seems pretty open to LGBT, so you might have more luck there. End of the day, I think if you go over it with her in a more factual manner, she might try to understand bisexuality better. Plus, if/ when you come out to her, it's also a way of getting to know you better. Once more, best of luck!! Hoping for the best.
Hi! So I told her during dinner (while we were on the topic) and its hard to explain, it didn’t go too well but it didn’t go bad either. Basically, she was a bit shocked/surprised and altough she was all “its fine I still love you you’re my son” etc, she also said that she needed a moment as she had a lot going on in her head and kept repeating “I’m unlucky” I kept on stressing that I still liked females and altough she said “yes I get it” I’m not too convinced. I feel a bit guilty rn, I don’t want to be dishonest about myself but I don’t want to hurt her either, maybe she’ll be more chill after she thinks about it but still. Maybe once we’ll have the discussion on bisexuality she’ll understand more, but I’m afraid of making the situation worse if it doesn’t go well. My dad really didn’t care and was more passive on the other hand
Hey, good job coming out/ telling your parents. Yours seem to have taken it better then mine did, and in the case of your mom, maybe giving her some time might be the best thing to do for now. Just give it a while to let it sink it for her, and maybe wait until she brings it up again? Or if she dosen't, you might want to bring it up with her yourself. Depends on what her personality's like, I suppose? (I'm putting it like that, because in my case my mother swept my coming out under the rug the moment I left it be for a while. She still thinks that it's a phase, especially now that I have a boyfriend...yipee.) Why did she say she was unlucky, by the way? In a more Asian context I would think it's because she wants grandchildren, but I'm just guessing. Either way though, I think the best thing to do now is just to let her think about it for a while more before bringing up the topic of bisexuality with her again. Just like I said before- keeping it more logical and less emotional when talking it over with her (especially now that you've come out to her) may be the best way to discuss the topic with her. Though, there's a chance she might get angry/ confused, so...just be prepared to keep your cool, and maybe talk to a friend who understands your situation afterwards for support. Wishing you the best of luck once more. If she does get angry/ have any negative reactions (in the worse case scenario), try not to take it out on yourself. Your mom seems like she's trying her best to understand you, too.
Thank you for the response! Well a few days have passed and I did notice a change, she didn’t bring it up but she seemed to be more attached to me, as in like she tries to talk to me more and acts more affectionate. I did go to her and said sorry for making her worry when I came out and that it wasn't my intention to hurt her, and she said that I shouldn't apologise, that I was right to tell her and told me all the “be careful” part. As for when she said she was unlucky, I might have a few theories; she definitely wants grandchildren, but she also believes herself to be unlucky in general. Also she believes that homophobia is so big that “gay people aren’t happy” and that I should keep to myself, I should mention that she is often pretty pessimistic. So I guess its not the fact that I’m bisexual that bothers her, its just that she’s worried about me, typical mother I guess ( ´ ▽ ` ) Whenever the topic is relevant I’ll try to make her understand more, this year I plan to control my emotions better so this seems like a good time to explain her in a more factual way. Happy new year ^^
Hey, happy new year!! Glad things went really well with your mom. She seems to really care for you, and thats great ^ ^ I'm sure she'll come to understand bisexuality, if you explain it to her slowly, once she gets used to the idea of it and all. It seems like your mom will support you anyways- that's really sweet. ≧∇≦
