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Has this ship sailed?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ttc91, Nov 22, 2018.

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  1. confusedbubble

    confusedbubble
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    You said she's in a show... How about you and your best male mate arrange to go see it one night both arrange a hotel to stay in and go see the show see her and see the sights of a different town afterwards. I know if I liked someone and they turned up to see me in s show doing something I like that would defiantly tell me that they liked me.
     
    #21 confusedbubble, Dec 10, 2018
  2. ttc91

    ttc91
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    I like that idea :slight_smile:
     
    #22 ttc91, Dec 16, 2018
  3. ttc91

    ttc91
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    Update!!

    She’s just come up on an app This means 2 things. 1. She must be back in Melbourne over Christmas and 2. I’ll find out instantly if we match...... im too scared to swipe right!!!! It’s too real!! Someone tell me I’m crazy and to just do it!
     
    #23 ttc91, Dec 21, 2018
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  4. beenthrdonetht

    beenthrdonetht
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    You better hurry up and do it, before somebody else does! You know you're good enough!
     
    #24 beenthrdonetht, Dec 21, 2018
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2018
  5. ttc91

    ttc91
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    Update, just mustered the courage to swipe right but no match :frowning2:. I feel like either she doesn’t actually use t. inder or I haven’t come up on her profile yet... orrrrr she thinks I’m straight and didn’t swipe right. OR she doesn’t have a crush on me anymore....

    Whatever the reason, I’m pretty disappointed because if it took THAT amount of courage to work my way up to hitting ‘like’, what’s it going to take for me to ask her our or let her know in person that I like her?? This would have been an awesome way to bypass that
     
    #25 ttc91, Dec 25, 2018
  6. ttc91

    ttc91
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    Well here’s the latest - I got to spend some time with her today at a friend’s 30th. After her initiating a conversation on fb a couple of days ago (i was so happy about that!), I asked if she was coming and she said she hadn’t been invited. I messaged the friend (this is a different mutual friend by the way to the one who told me she has a crush on me) saying hey invite her! Told her I’d reprimanded him for not inviting her :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: (he thought she was in another city). Then he sent her a message and she came - I feel like she’s keen because then this morning she asked what time I was getting there because she’s turning up solo and wants to know that someone she’s seen recently is there. Or am I reading into that?

    ANYWAY, I made sure I sat next to her and we chatted for a couple of hours (not always alone). Had some good chats and I tried to be flirty but maybe I was too subtle... I dunno.... naturally now I’m overthinking and don’t know if she’s really keen...

    Also, she spotted a play in my bag and said it’s one of her faves. I feel like I’ve been ticking boxes but to be honest I’m not getting a cleeeeear ‘im into you’ vibe from her. Maybe she’s super non-upfront??
     
    #26 ttc91, Dec 28, 2018
  7. beenthrdonetht

    beenthrdonetht
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    Well you've established that she's not turned off by you -- now you just need to know if she's turned on. You know we are all pulling for you here online. Maybe I'm projecting here, but I have always been too oblivious to those "they're into me" signals. I have often had to be told by 3rd parties. Is there something you could invite her to that would convey your interest? I agree you've been ticking boxes. And you know, from reading other posts here on EC, it seems that crushes are very hard to get rid of. As in, if she had one once, she probably still does.
     
    #27 beenthrdonetht, Dec 28, 2018
  8. ttc91

    ttc91
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    Thanks for your advice. You make good points here! I just desperately wish she's initiate the next move! But who knows, maybe she thinks the same of me. She leaves to go back on tour in 2 days and then she won't be back here until Feb (end of). She'll be here for about 6 or 7 weeks and then for the rest of the year is travelling overseas or interstate which makes me a bit sad.
     
    #28 ttc91, Dec 28, 2018
  9. ttc91

    ttc91
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    i told her and she’s seeing someone :frowning2: but she was nice and said she’s flattered and still wants to be friends. So disappointed though :frowning2:
     
    #29 ttc91, Dec 29, 2018
  10. beenthrdonetht

    beenthrdonetht
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    Oh, that's really too bad. I was pulling for you! Remember this: now she knows, and maybe in the future you will have a chance. But don't dwell on that -- it's a good way to go crazy. More important: you did it! The world didn't end, she didn't say Ewww, she specifically said she wants to be friends. She likes you (just doesn't Like you -- now.)

    Sorry it didn't turn out all rainbows and unicorns. But if she likes you, somebody else will Like you. You're likable! You did the right thing, and it will just get easier. Anybody who writes like you will for sure be interesting to other interesting girls.
     
    #30 beenthrdonetht, Dec 29, 2018
  11. ttc91

    ttc91
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    That’s really sweet - thank you. Didn’t know that the way I wrote was anything special, so thanks for the compliment :slight_smile:

    Plenty of other fish on the sea - and now that I’ve experienced rejection for the first time, wearing my heart on my sleeve and putting myself out there again will be less daunting because I’ll know I’ve been through it before and come out alive!
     
    #31 ttc91, Dec 29, 2018
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  12. Mirko

    Mirko
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    It is too bad that it ended the way it did; however, you still have plenty to be proud of and letting her know how you feel/felt about her will give you some confidence in approaching others. As you have mentioned, there are definitely others out there! :slight_smile:
     
    #32 Mirko, Dec 29, 2018
  13. ttc91

    ttc91
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    You're right, thanks Mirko :grin:
     
    #33 ttc91, Dec 29, 2018
  14. KyleD

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    It's not necessarily a rejection. If things change in her current relationship then you two might have a chance.
     
    #34 KyleD, Dec 29, 2018
  15. ttc91

    ttc91
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    That's true! And a great way of looking at it :slight_smile: I guess the timing just isn't quite right. I kiiiiiind of feel like maybe if she did still have a crush even if she was seeing someone she might say so? Or would that just be cruel to tell me at the same time as saying I don't want to date you? I'm new to all this!
     
    #35 ttc91, Dec 29, 2018
  16. beenthrdonetht

    beenthrdonetht
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    Yes it probably would. Even if she is hedging her bets (which we don't know) she wouldn't say so out loud.

    But... don't hang on that or you will be just as frustrated now as you were before. Go out and look for other nice girls. And congratulations again on taking that step and making yourself vulnerable. You can't love somebody (or be loved) with walls up.
     
    #36 beenthrdonetht, Dec 30, 2018
  17. ttc91

    ttc91
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    Thank you! I’m feeling more proud of myself as time goes on considering how much of my life has been spent keeping walls right up!

    I’m quite happy to move on and refocus my attention elsewhere - I’m a firm believer in things happening when and if they’re meant to :slight_smile:. Im sure I’ll find someone else!
     
    #37 ttc91, Dec 30, 2018
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  18. KyleD

    KyleD
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    Put yourself in her position. You had a crush on a girl but your feelings weren't reciprocated. That must have really hurt especially the way you were rejected. You have moved on and currently dating another girl. A few years later the girl you had a crush on tells you that she is a lesbian too and she likes you. You will feel a lot of conflicting feelings because you were hurt by this girl before and don't want to be hurt again.

    Everything will depend upon how strong her feelings for you still are. Is she willing to end her current relationship to give it a shot with you? These are very serious questions. It has been years and she would have taken a lot of steps to move on from that crush with you. For you to dangle that in front of her again will stir up conflicting feelings in her so you should be prepared for conflicting messages.
     
    #38 KyleD, Jan 1, 2019
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2019
  19. Bigcupcoffee

    Bigcupcoffee
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    What’s important is that your learned from it and you came out braver and more confident.

    I find your story and blow by blow accounts very interesting that it made me visit this site regularly to check for updates haha. Cheer up!
     
    #39 Bigcupcoffee, Jan 7, 2019
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  20. ttc91

    ttc91
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    Haha, thanks for your investment @Bigcupcoffee! If nothing else, this has given me confidence as a writer - maybe I’ll be able to work this into a creative pursuit at some stage!

    More than that, you’re right - I’ve defintely learned from this and come out stronger. We’ve been chatting since and the friendship will probably be stronger now :slight_smile:.

    Thing I’m most glad about is not having those ‘what if’s’ in my head!
     
    #40 ttc91, Jan 9, 2019
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