The whole sad story

Ok. Maybe a therapist or something will help with this. Or maybe just trying to relax and imagine it?
Again, I am not an expert and I was fearful of thinking about a man romantically, but when I did it immediately felt so good it was hard to deny. But everyone is different.

Again every one is different, and I am not out yet so it's still in my head, but the idea of doing this to a guy really turns me on! But again, even a few months ago I was scared to admit this...

I guess what I am saying is I had the same fears as you but once I embraced the feelings, the idea of being with a guy romantically was so overwhelmingly good. I am not saying this to 'show off' - I know I have a long way to go, and everyone's journey is different but if these things are still holding you back maybe just step back from the gay label for awhile?

You said you were gay above -so why are you still dating women?

 

Too funny, I haven’t been on in years and came back today for some reason. I remember chatting with you back then!

 

Oh wow, I could write your story except I'm married with 3 kids. When I think of women, I picture holding hands and being extra close.

I've never had sex with a woman. I seem to have a breakdown every few months thinking I'm gay and all of a sudden I have intense sexual thoughts about women around me. They dont turn me on and I only fantasize about men.

I'm so sorry to hear about your marriage, I can imagine the pain of letting someone you love go. I'm having the same problems here. I love my husband a lot but when these thoughts get in I lose my attraction for him and any male.

I've also been in therapy for yrs for OCD. Did your therapist ever suggest medications?

 

From what you've written it does not sound like you are as gay, as people who are gay don't generally have feelings of sexual attraction to more than one gender and would not enjoy sleeping with more than one gender. I don't believe a gay man would enjoy sleeping with or be sexually attracted to a woman.

I don't know too much about bisexuals but I think that many do have a preference for one gender or can go through phases of preferring one gender over another. Maybe the fact that you keep coming back to this issue over the years and do not feel content in seeking a relationship with a woman means that it is something that you subconsciously do want to pursue some kind of relationship with a man but you have some internalised homophobia which is preventing you from opening up fully to this side of yourself. A lot of the vocabulary you are using around gay sex suggests to me that you may well have a lot of internalised homophobia. This is very very common, I think most of us suffer from it to some extent.

It is a real shame that you cannot access LGBT counselling. In my country we are very lucky in that we can access free LGBT counselling but there is also have a free confidential telephone line run by LGBT volunteers which can be helpful if you can't access counselling.
I have found reading gay literature and watching gay films has been helpful to me in acceptance. There are actually a lot of really good films about gay men at the moment such as 'God's Own Country' and 'Weekend'. These are British (I think) and they are really good independent films. I only wish they would make more decent films about lesbian relationships.

Also have you tried out the Kinsey scale? It can also be helpful to work out where you are on the spectrum.

 

You are fighting with yourself.You are making yourself miserable.No one is attacking you.You are the one that is hurting yourself.Just find a boyfriend and get over it.