There is something about me that I noticed; I tend to envy males that have a more androgynous look and are comfortable enough to crossdress, even if I hate crossdressing (sorry its just me) Now if you looked at me irl you might see why, I’m very tall, I have big facial hair for my age with lots of body hair as well, and I’m not as skinny as I used to be. That contrast could be the root of the problem, but I still don’t know Why I feel like this. I don’t like crossdressing so why do I envy guys that can do it successfully ? :/
Maybe you feel that you are unable to portray an androgynous look due to your contrasting features? You don’t have to crossdress, but do you want to look androgynous?
I mean I am pretty happy with how I look but I did once want to have a more androgynous look, still kinda do. And it wasn’t just a thought either, I wanted to exercise more, go on diets and shave my body. When my beard started to grow I was annoyed at how quickly it grew. I didn’t hate it but it was very frustrating. But ye I think you’re right. I tried in the past to wear stuff like high socks, pinkish clothes and have longer hair but on me they didn’t look right. They felt tacked on and out of place.
It sounds like that overall you are quite happy with where things are at, how you look. Perhaps what could help to address your want is to pursue the things you still could do (if you still wanted to do them, or haven't had the chance to do so yet). Have you had a chance to exercise more or trying to watch your diet?
Well I do martial arts once every week, I try to do ten daily push ups and plan to take up swimming so that’s where I’m at. I dont walk as much as I used to however. I went on a diet a few months ago, it didn’t last but I certainly did get a “diet” attitude, in which I would actually think before I ate something, to make sure it wouldn’t give me too much weight. The shaving is difficult however. I still live with my parents and they don’t love the idea of me shaving my body. Next year I’ll go to Uni so maybe I’ll be able to do that once I’m there.
