Hi glad i founf this site. I have always felt i am different thant the average male. I never bought into traditional male roles and stereotypes.i always knew I was submissive in many ways (not careervwise) but in personal life really hate being lead role, . Beyond this part of me feels like I am in the wrong body. I identify more with females and have been a crossdresser for years in and off. Now I am 56 and at a crossroads. Not happy with where I am and feel I have definitely some gender dysphoria but the age old question is, is my dysphoria bad enough to take action beyond the odd xdressing outting. Can i face the inevitable affects in my career as a college professor if i transition. Can my 18 year marriage take this change? My wife knows and has participated in my transformations and outting in the past but really wants me to be a man at the end of the day. I am part time in my teaching and feel I could be let go if this is public or permanent. Yet I feel often I am not the kind hearted open minded guy I portray but actually a woman. Does this need me to take action? I have done some tests online and some say high degree of gender dysphoria mixed with fetishistic behaviour. Perhaps androgogenous or non binary. In the other hand being older makes me think I can't pass a a genetic woman and is the grief worth it? My mind fills back and forth. I really don't know. Anyways this is me right now. I am sure I am not alone. Chantel
@Chantel hello and welcome to EC you are most definitely not alone! I would recommend, if you haven’t had a chance yet, maybe posting under the support forums LGBT Later in Life and Gender Identity and Expression. There you would definitely find so much support.
Chantel you are quite right to say you are sure you are not alone. Correct. Welcome to EC, happy holidays and festive season and much of your experience gels with me and resonates so I am sure you will appreciate the resource of this community.
Oh btw I consider myself mostly straight but there has been men that I am attracted to. I think I lean towards pansexual.
Welcome, Chantel. We've had to temporarily remove some responses to this thread as our staff is concerned about the accuracy of the information being represented as factual, and ensuring the presentation of accurate information is pretty core to the mission of Empty Closets Community Services. We are currently reviewing the information and consulting with our professional staff. In the meantime, what I can tell you : -- Academia is generally pretty accepting of trans individuals. Unless you're in a super conservative area, or at a super conservative school, I would suspect this will be less of an issue than you may think. -- I absolutely don't think there is ever a "too late" to come out as your authentic self, and to address this in whatever way feels appropriate for you. Don't let anyone tell you that you need to do this-or-that in order to be who you are, to "be a part of the trans community" or anything of the sort. Don't let anyone apply any label to you. Don't let anyone who is not a credentialed professional and who has done a proper evaluation give you a diagnosis. -- I do think finding a therapist with experience in gender issues would be super helpful to you. It might also be advisable to see a separate couples counselor with you and your wife to explore where things are for the two of you.
I agree that in the region I am in the school would not be considered very conservative. The thing is I am not full time so they can get rid of me for what ever reason they want if they wanted to. If I was full time and off probation I would be ok. Now that being said I teach a lot of students from around the world and they might be put off if I was not more tradional.
Hi Chantel, welcome to the community. I don't think you need to worry about what will happen at the college or what students will think or how they feel at this point. The more important thing would be to figure things out for yourself first, and to be comfortable with yourself and be you. Often international students or newcomer students embrace change and things they might not have encountered in their country of origin. In fact, you could be even an inspiration to some, someone to look up to. I too would encourage you to try seeing a therapist who has an expertise on gender issues. I hope you will continue to stay around. Welcome.
I am waiting for a call back with a therapist that understands gender issues but with Xmas etc a bit of a delay. You have some good points about teaching and international students. I guess even if I decide ide to transition it would not happen necessarily overnight so they would see I am the same kind caring open minded person. Hugs Chantel
