Hi everyone. I used to frequent this forum back in 2015 when I was figuring out my sexuality and gender. And here I am again. I am nonbinary but I refer to my sexual orientation as gay since that's simplest. I am attracted to women. So yeah, since 2015 I have identified as gay - I am attracted to women romantically and sexually, however...I sometimes find myself being attracted to men, and I think it's become more and more often. I can't see myself ever being in a relationship with a man, dating a guy or anything like that. Hell, I don't even know if I would actually have sex with a man if given the opportunity. But (and this is where I get hella confused) I do keep finding myself thinking "Goddamn that dude is sexy as hell" fairly often. Sometimes I know this "attraction" is nothing more than an aesthetic appreciation, because let's face it - some guys have damn good faces and can dress very well. But sometimes I think there's maybe something more to it. Again, I can't see myself ever wanting a relationship with a man, but sex? Maybe. Who knows. Would that make me bi? It is of note that these men are almost always either famous or fictional or animated. I have seen a few of men in real life that I thought were hot as shit but again that could just be because they looked great and I am not blind. Another, more NSFW thing, is that I really only get off to porn of men. Which seems odd considering that I'm gay, but idk maybe it's normal. Once the deed is done I have no interest, and no attraction to their bodies. It just kinda...goes away. Any bisexuals or gay people here have any insight? Help would be very appreciated!
I think this puts you somewhere on the spectrum of being bisexual. Do you feel that calling yourself bisexual is of use when it comes to dating? Sexuality is complicated, but people tend to equate being sexually attracted to someone with wanting to date them. Would you be open to dating a man? Because if you told people that you are bi, they would understand it this way. It seems like this isn't what you are going for. Hmmm. Things may change with time and this only sedual attraction might develop into something more (I had that experience with attraction to women), but it can stay the way it is and be limited to fantasies, which happens too.
Oh my god you just made me realise that I felt this same way when I was first questioning years ago. I don't think telling people I am bi would really be of much good since, like you say, it would make people think I'm open to dating men, which I have never had any interest in doing. Yeah I guess I'll just see where it goes. Thanks for the response!
It could be that you like the idea of sex with a guy, but you don't have any romantic interest in guys. I hate to dumb it down to comparing it to food, but maybe its like a food you enjoy but it isn't something you go out of your way to get.
I think it's normal for people to identify as gay and still find members of the opposite sex attractive. If your attraction to men is purely hypothetical, and they're all fictional men, it may not be real attraction, but I obviously can't decide that for you. It's really telling that you feel you aren't interested in dating, pursuing, or having sex with men in real life. You could be bi, I think if you find more comfort in identifying as bi, there's nothing wrong with that, you don't have to date men to be bi, but I also don't think you're obligated to call yourself bi because you occasionally find fictional men attractive, because that is a very common thing among gay people.
That's interesting to hear, and I'm glad it's a common thing for gay people. I'll most likely still refer to myself as gay since I have no interest in pursuing men irl. Thank you for your help!
I write fiction for a living and have for a long time. One thing I've found is that there's a large group of women, nonbinary, and genderqueer individuals who are primarily attracted to women or would never be interested in men in real life who really enjoy fantasies/fiction about men in romantic and/or sexual situations. I've talked to a lot of these people about it and they've expressed similar thoughts to yours and plenty who say it doesn't reflect on their sexuality at all. I'm an outsider to the experience as I've always been attracted to men and others so I don't feel like I can offer more than this, but it does seem like it's not that unusual at least judging by the people I've encountered. Just wanted to throw this out there in case it might help.
if your feeling stop at thoughts and gazing you probably just bi curious. if i as a definite bi see a hot hunk or squeeze have to at least get reaction from them. can't remember ever getting heat for some one delicious and stopped at gazing only. need at least a hi or eye contact with them. if they show style to me have to compliment their torso and drop my label at least.
