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Why am I reluctant to call myself bi when I know I am?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Nightlight, Dec 7, 2018.

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  1. Nightlight

    Nightlight
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    Recently it has become clear to me that I like men and women. I know by heart that I am bisexual but it feels weird calling myself bi. It has been like that for about 2 years. I don't want to call myself questioning because that could imply that I have no clue where my attractions lie.

    I joined an offline LGBT group recently. Upon joining I felt like had to identify as something, so I chose bi. I thought putting it out there would erase my doubts but so far it hasn't done much for me. I thought about calling myself Pansexual, but I haven't met any genderqueer people so far.

    I thimk one of the major issue is this. Calling myself bisexual would put me in one of 2 sitiations, of which are drastically different. 1) Marry a guy and live a typical life as a mother of two children, 2) Never get legally married with my partner and worry that people gossip about two women in their 50's living together, instead of getting married. The idea of marriage with a man scares me, probably because of my distant relationship with my dad. There's always a part of me wondering if I "chose" to be bisexual so I could avoid men, even though I have been in love with men and women.

    In near future, I'm planning to come out to my crush so she could come out to me if she's gay. How should I present myself to her? Bi for convenience?
     
    #1 Nightlight, Dec 7, 2018
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  2. Shorthaul

    Shorthaul
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    If you are attracted to both, then bi is pretty honest answer. Just because you marry a guy does not mean you have to have kids, I never wanted any kids. I don't know the laws in your area but if it was legal you could marry a woman and adopt a kid or two.

    I would suggest worrying less about gender and more about finding someone who you want to spend your life with, doing things the two of you enjoy.
     
    #2 Shorthaul, Dec 7, 2018
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  3. androgynousdog

    androgynousdog
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    i agree with the above poster. just because you are attracted to a certain gender or genders doesnt mean anything in relation to what kind of life you have to live. live the life that makes you happy op. life is too short not to. find what makes you fulfilled and feeling good.
     
    #3 androgynousdog, Dec 11, 2018
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  4. androgynousdog

    androgynousdog
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    also if it makes you feel any better i had those same exact doubts. wondering if i chased after women because men seemed so out of reach. usually--those doubts are not so much a reflection of your orientation so much as it is the fears you have surrounding your life. i am probably wrong, i am no professional. but i would highly recommend talking to one op. best of luck.
     
    #4 androgynousdog, Dec 11, 2018
  5. Silveroot

    Silveroot Guest

    Feeling weird about calling yourself anything that isn't straight doesn't sound that weird to me. I'm slowly getting used to calling myself gay and lesbian. It's not something you are expected to be, so there might be some feeling left that it's wrong or 'not you', because people usually expect everyone to be straight and these expectations kind of stick with you and can make it difficult to adopt another identity.

    Just a few thoughts.
     
    #5 Silveroot, Dec 11, 2018
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 11, 2018
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  6. Mihael

    Mihael
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    Do you feel attracted to women? If yes, then you have every right to call yourself bisexual :slight_smile:
     
    #6 Mihael, Dec 14, 2018
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  7. LogicNoSense

    LogicNoSense
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    You don't really have to identify as anything, as long as you don't feel comfortable doing so.

    For example, I'm genderfluid and biologically female. For convenience sake, I refer to myself as female to others, and that's perfectly okay. I feel comfortable with it, and there are people who respect me for being genderfluid (but also refer to me as a female) and that's fine, too.

    Sexuality and gender identity dosen't have to be set in stone. As long as you're comfortable with who you are, that's fine.
     
    #7 LogicNoSense, Dec 20, 2018
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