On my way to work this morning I was listening to a podcast and the guest said something which seems to help me make sense of feelings that I have and still do experience. Due to growing up having to suppress certain wants or needs he ended up just not “wanting” anything at all. Never thinking about the future or what it could hold in all aspects of his life he ended up just running the course according to what he was “supposed” to achieve. As for myself, I never realized that’s how I was/am when I look at the future. However I didn’t follow any path like he had. My teenage years were about escaping by using drinking and drugs, with no regard for my future. I fully expected to be dead before I got to 25. I met my wife when I was about 22 years old. She was unlike anybody I had met, she still is too, and I knew this was the way to my future and my big “fix”. Anyways, I have struggled knowing or deciding on anything when it comes to my life. No career plans or knowing what I want from life. This gives me something to think about now. I’ll try to write on here more. Thanks EC friends!
Oh wow, I’m hoping messing up the title is all that’s wrong with my post. Hope it actually makes sense though!
I absolutely get what you're feeling! It took me a long time to really "want" a career, because I had a lot of self-defeating talk in my mind. So I just wandered from one thing to the next. When I finally got to a place where I not only found something I wanted to do, but actually began to believe I could do it, I could see the difference (and the results) of giving something 100%.
That is huge thing that you have discovered about yourself! Makes perfect sense. Keep us updated on your journey. It sounds like its going to be a good one
