1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I came out the other day but i don't think i did it right and regret it

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by CB1220, Dec 7, 2018.

  1. CB1220

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2018
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Northwest Indiana
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    So, I told my dad I'm gay Wednesday (12/7/2018) and i am really regretting it and i don't think i did it in the right way. I had an orthodontist appointment in the morning and after we came back home i went back into the basement to continue my school work (I am online home schooled). but i just started to cry and all i could think was i can't hide myself anymore. So, i went upstairs halfway crying and told my dad. He was very supportive and we had like a hour conversation. That really was nothing like my original plan i had thinking about for at least a year now. My original plan was to wait until i was 18 and about to move out and then tell them so i could get out of the house. I still really really want to get out of my house and thought about running away. But I don't want to run away in a way that would scare them. I want to go to a friends house and stay their but sadly all my friends are online so i can't go anywhere.

    If anyone has advice for me moving foreword or ways to get threw this it would be greatly appreciated :blush:
     
  2. Bolt35

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2014
    Messages:
    1,223
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    Queens,NY
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It sounded like you had a bit of guilt built up inside of you about hiding in the closet. It can happen sometimes, just know that being gay is not anything to ashamed about at all. It's a natural part of life and people can either choose to accept it or not.

    It sounds like your dad was open to the idea that his son is gay, and that is a good thing that shouldn't be overlooked. You have a strong ally on your side that can help you. It's scary but I can safely say that the worst part is over. It can become easier or harder depending on how you look at things. Now that your dad knows, you can relax, and breathe a little bit easier. Give it time, it already happened. Changes can be hard to accept sometimes, my only advice is to take it easy. and congrats :grin:
     
  3. DecentOne

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2017
    Messages:
    856
    Likes Received:
    482
    Location:
    East Coast US
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I am glad your Dad could talk about it with you. Maybe it is good that you did it earlier than planned... better than having it all bottled up inside. Let us know how this weekend is going for you.
    Also, if your Dad seems to need any support or education, look up “PFLAG” or “P-FLAG” for your area (which is a group for parents and family members) and see if he would go there. I know PFLAG has made a difference for LGBTQ+ teens because it helped their parents be better at understanding things.
    Welcome to Empty Closets!
     
  4. Totesgaybrah

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2016
    Messages:
    992
    Likes Received:
    151
    Location:
    CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think you did it right. It sounds like your dad had a good reaction. You came out at 14! That’s amazing! I know you’re probably feeling super uncomfortable right now but that’s totally normal, a lot of people feel weird after coming out.
    It’s going to be fine. The hardest part is done with.
    You no longer have to be burdened with this secret.

    Obviously holding it inside wasn’t doing you any favors so you should feel proud that you had the courage to come out.
    I waited until I was 25 and safely on my own but I so so wish I could have had your courage at your age.

    It sounds like you have a supportive environment. Don’t run away, it will only make problems for you.
     
  5. CB1220

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2018
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Northwest Indiana
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I think that is exactly what happened. I think i felt bad because i don't think any parent wants their child to be gay, i mean they could be open to the idea but i don't think people are like "I hope my kid grows up to be gay".

    I am definitely glad that my dad is supportive and i do remember him saying the other day that i should join a support group and maybe that could be cool. The problem is that i live in a pretty small town and i have been doing some research and i can't find any near me

    I'm also feeling much much better today

    Sorry for the later response I was helping my aunt move
     
    Bolt35 and Totesgaybrah like this.
  6. CB1220

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2018
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Northwest Indiana
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I guess it was sort of brave for me to do it at 14. A secret like that is defiantly pretty hard to keep. I think i have known for like 2 maybe 3 years now really only accepted it and embarrassed it until like mid this year. I don't know how you were able to wait that long!
    I don't feel like running away anymore so that is a good thing. I have a lot of "bad" thoughts but i never get close to doing them but last night i was super close to.
     
    Rin311 and Totesgaybrah like this.
  7. CB1220

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2018
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Northwest Indiana
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I sorta started realizing that my situation probably could be a lot worse.
    My weekend has been ok so far, I helped my aunt move and tomorrow i have a Christmas party so i have to get out of my funk before then lol. I tried finding a PFLAG near me but i just live in such a small community i don't think their really is a need for one sadly.
     
    Totesgaybrah likes this.
  8. Totesgaybrah

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2016
    Messages:
    992
    Likes Received:
    151
    Location:
    CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I don’t know how I kept it for so long either. I also realized when I was 12.

    I know exactly what you mean about those bad thoughts. I had those same thoughts. Don’t listen to them.

    Also, don’t keep your feelings inside. It sounds like you have a supportive parent so you shouldn’t feel like you need to hide anything.

    I was also home schooled for a portion of my education, so I know what that’s like.
     
  9. Rin311

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2015
    Messages:
    272
    Likes Received:
    144
    Location:
    Earth
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It sounds like you were a bit overwhelmed by the situation. But that doesn’t mean you did anything wrong here. It sounds like your father supports you, which makes you an extremely lucky person.

    As for meeting other gay teens - if there aren’t any groups in your immediate area, is there any larger town you can travel to every now and then? In any case, keep writing, and take care.
     
  10. Bolt35

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2014
    Messages:
    1,223
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    Queens,NY
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    no worries, I'm glad that you do feel better! it should be a pretty big weight off your shoulder! there's also an option to join an lgbt group of any sort, most likely at an LGBT center. Don't be scared to venture out your options, it can be an eye opening experience.

    as for people not thinking about lgbt kids, it depends on the person. Some people just dont want the hardship that comes with it for their child. It can be a really difficult life because we're still in a minority. We even have to fight for rights because they discriminate against who we love. Try to see it from that perspective and you'll be able to understand why they dont usually think that. It's an obstacle that both sides of the party they have to overcome. And some people can be plain hateful and not want it at all, and those same type of people are what we have to face in everyday life.
     
    #10 Bolt35, Dec 9, 2018
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2018
  11. CB1220

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2018
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Northwest Indiana
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Thats cool! yeah i found out about when i was 12 or so.

    To be honest my parents are being weird about it at least my dad is. He like keep saying stuff like "your 14 and you don't know yet" or "your hormones are changing so that could be causing it". Its almost as if he is trying to convince me that I'm not gay so its weird.

    sorry for the late reply i have been really busy studying for finals
     
  12. CB1220

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2018
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Northwest Indiana
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    The only one i found is like an hour away. I found a Discord server that is for LGBT and so far i really like it. Plus i feel a little weird seeing about seeing LGBT people in real life. Maybe when im 16 or 18 i'll go see what its like.

    sorry for taking a few days to respond. Finals are coming soon and i have been spending a lot of time studying.
     
  13. CB1220

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2018
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Northwest Indiana
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Yea, I thought about it and i think that is part of it. I was already bullied really bad (hence why i am home schooled) and have a some mental issues.

    It is a little bit of a weight off my chest. I think as time goes on things will get a lot better. I was thinking about it and its better then them finding out by someone telling them.

    it also think they are is disbelief because i don't act gay at all and my dad keeps saying how its probably just a phase

    I joined an LGBT discord server. I don't know if you know what discord is but its like a group chat that you can have tons of people on.
     
  14. Bolt35

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2014
    Messages:
    1,223
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    Queens,NY
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I heard about discord, and i heard it can fun! especially when it comes to gaming. it's something to work with, don't be too shy to discover new ways

    I think everyone gets that idea that it might be a phase because we dont act a certain way, i know, its annoying XD
     
  15. CB1220

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2018
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Northwest Indiana
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    yeah i have discord and i have joined some LGBT+ servers and they are actually pretty cool! I really don't act gay like at all so i think thats why my dad just thinks that it is a phase.
     
  16. TXTurbo90

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2016
    Messages:
    152
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    CO
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Note that your dad is probably going through the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. He has "lost" the vision of his straight son and gained a gay son. He is probably in the denial stage at this point. It is completely normal, and will go away with time.

    Congrats on coming out by the way! :thumbsup:It took me a lot longer than that to build up the courage to do so, and my dad is the last person I am still not out to in my family...
     
    #16 TXTurbo90, Jan 8, 2019
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2019
    LaneyM likes this.