Am I Bi? Or gay?

Seems like you're obsessing a bit about it and frankly so do I (on my journey about my sexuality...).

The advice I give you (which is the advice my psychologist gave to me) is that whatever happens, happens. No matter how it ends up it's okay and not your fault. These stuff are out of our control. It's like trying to change your hair color for example.

So join me in taking deep breaths and try to let your brain relax and shut it's radar down for a bit... I think you need that right now.

Hope it helps

 

I'm a widow and i was married 30 year's to a very nice woman and we never had any sexual issues. I didn't with the woman i was living with when i came out. Cuz for me it wasn't a sex issue, but how i feeling inside about me. Once i did declare that i was gay and time had come for me to move we did stop any sex. In trying to explain it to her. I told her that Yes maybe the physical sexual gratification was there, but there was no emotional orgasm. It is possible to be and a lot of people have sex with both sexes while feeling their more one way inside...

 

It is very interesting how different our stories can be, yet how similar at the same time. My ex and I did have sexual issues (not at first but after the first couple years), it got more difficult over time. Eventually I stopped trying. We had that talk and I could not explain it. I didn’t want to say (though it’s the only thing that would come to mind), “I can be sexually satisfied going solo.”

 

Yeah buddy I know but either way it's still you. We all got to accept our unique situations and deal with our lives... Damn I got exchausted even WRITING that. but that's that! You probably aren't gay though, at least that's what I believe based on the info that you gave.

PS: Damn these conversations remind me of my ex. Great guy, good heart but... he dumped me probably 'cause of his internalised homophobia!

PS2: I really laugh atm for the fact that my emotions and my personal issues are like a train wreck but I can still see the situations of others clearly (at least more clear than I expected)

 

How come?
I mean being bi means that you like both guys and girls so it makes sense.

What would make you validate that you are bi and not gay?

 

Like what should you have notice? I think I might need a bit more details with this one.
But the fact is:
only you can know what you are, you know yourself better than everyone in the end.

 

Hmmm...
Perhaps it's HOCD. Sexuality is a bit complicated.

Try to relax and think what deep down feels like the truth, without judging yourself at all.

 

@Nickos is right. @Saveme123 you’re the only one who can answer the question on your sexuality. And there really isn’t a need to rush. A lot of people don’t find themselves until late teens and early twenties. Then some of us are late bloomers, and it takes even longer. You’re noticing.

The best advice I can give is don’t ask yourself the big question. Am I gay (straight or bi)? You know you’re questioning that and you don’t have the answer. It’s putting a lot of stress on you. There is a lot to sort through. I mean you may be straight, and just struggling with identity. But if you are, you’ve also mention you’re concerned internal homophobia could be playing a role in the issue of accepting that you could be gay/bi. So that is definitely something to work on no matter. Maybe if you address that issue, it’ll make it easier to start address the big question. We are told from birth who we have to be... baby boys are a lady’s man and baby girls are daddy’s little princesses... toddler boys are gramps little quarterbacks and toddler girls are granny’s kitchen helper... these things really do impact us more than people want to admit... it’s no wonder so many of us have identity issues if we don’t fit those heteronormative stereotypes...

 

The only thing that cleared up my confusion was letting go of labels and reflecting on things over time. It's clear and obvious for some people and confusing for others. The fact that the world teaches you to be straight really messes with things in your head when you're not straight.

 

What is the main reason that you think you like guys? Just your sexual fantasies or is there something else?

 

Sounds a lot like HOCD to be honest

Do these images and thoughts turn you on?

 

Except the part of the picturing on purpose someone, the rest sounds a lot like OCD to me. Maybe you should discuss this with some professional. I'm sure he-she will help you short this out. It's very highly treatable.

And do something for me. Since it stresses you out so much help youself relax. Detach from the situation. It's not you. You are much more than that! Close your eyes, put some music you'd like to hear and create a daydream which will help you to unbottle your feelings and give your mind some peace and quiet.