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A kind of final update from me

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Highlander2, Jan 14, 2018.

  1. Highlander2

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    Just an update on where life is taking me now.

    I've been with the most amazing, loving, caring, demonstrative man for almost a year. We've lived together for almost 7 of those months and he's my best friend. He's the person I turn to when I get an off day, the one I long to cuddle up with in bed at night, the one I get excited about spending the rest of my life with, the one whose kiss makes everything better, and whose hand finds mine absent-mindedly as we sit in a restaurant, on the sofa, or in the car.

    I love this man more than anyone I've met, or been with. The old saying 'actions speak louder than words' has never been truer in my experience of both men and women. Unfortunately it's the guys who've let the side down in that respect, until I met my partner.

    I'm in no doubt how he feels about me. He tells me regularly and his actions show it. We've argued twice in the last year, and I see his faults, and I also see my own and try to moderate them. We've been through personal difficulties with family and work, but throughout it all we've been there for each other. We've had each others backs and it's shown me (and him) that two men can truly love each other as a partnership, as equals, and put the interests of the other right up there next to their own, and feel good about it.

    We've talked about the future, creating a new home for ourselves together, and we've started to do that already. He's been open about children and wanting to think about this in the future, and has told me he wants no-one else now or in the future. He's talked about marriage, saying he would marry me. I don't get freaked by this. I get reassured, as this is exactly how I feel.

    I love this man. I have found someone so unlike everyone else I've evert been with, or dated. He's genuine, caring, funny, feisty, protective, sexy, loving, and I could go on. I dreamt of finding a man like this. One with no drama, no histrionics and ups and downs in his moods. A loving relationship with another man, where we can both be open about our feelings and share our intimacy, where he's comfortable being himself and showing me affection and vice versa in public.

    This is the man I want to be with for the rest of my life. So, in the next couple of months we head off to Paris for a lovely weekend together, and I've been making some plans for it.

    I'm planning on asking The Question. I'll let you all know what his answer was.
     
  2. Dollop

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    Nice to read a post which is happy and positive :slight_smile: great to see you are comfortable and in a happy relationship hope France goes well
     
    #2 Dollop, Jan 14, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2018
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  3. Markieg64

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    What a positive post I'm well happy for you and your man hope it all goes well in Paris

    Good luck
     
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  4. looking for me

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    AWWW this makes me so happy that you've found the one. :slight_smile:
     
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  5. bingostring

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    Good to read some positives in the forum!
     
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  6. butterfly1

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    Highlander2- Congratulations. Such a sweet post. Gives others hope. Again, Congratulations. Wish all the best for you and your man.
     
  7. Highlander2

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    Thanks everyone. So, as with all things, there's always that little thing that creeps up on you...

    We were chatting at the weekend - he'd been out with friends the previous week and some of the girls had been pressing him as to why he'd not married me yet (they like me, and think I am good for him, as he is for me) as they see he loves and adores me and that he's happier than he's ever been. Girls, being girls (lol!), kept up the pressure on him - one of the main factors in all of this is that my divorce is pending so practically I ain't going to be marrying anyone any time soon (but you get it).

    He was telling me about the conversation and had been telling me about the relentlessness of their questions and demands to be bridesmaids or organised bits of the wedding - in a humorous way. He then paraphrased one of the conversations he'd had with one of his best female friends telling her that if, in three years time he asked me to marry him then he'd let her be part of organising things, and laughed.

    So. My oversensitiveness reads this that he'd not be expecting me to ask him any time soon given he's used a timescale like three years for asking me.

    It's really got me thinking that I don't want to ask the question and spoil what we have if he felt he had to say 'no', which would make me think we weren't really on the same page. We talk about moving home in the next few months together, planning a life together and we talk about marriage and what it would look like to have children together. He's absolutely devoted to me and he shows it constantly.

    I'm just worried now that any kind of proposal from me in the next few months is going to be taken as too soon if he's talking in years. I can wait, but it's one of those things where it's a case of 'how long to wait' when I know how I feel and what I want. That's not going to change.
     
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  8. Wesley007

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    Well maybe ease into it? Try some ideas like asking him things about what he would want in a wedding and does he want to be married and things like that. I guess..take it slow is my constant advice but it always seems to work or just go for it? If he says no maybe you can ask why and don't take it too hard and maybe at a future time you can ask again.
     
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  9. Highlander2

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    Thanks. He has said he wants to marry me. He's been very explicit about the fact that in the future he wants us to be married. It's one of those weird situations where we've talked about it on a good few occasions and he's been really up front about how he feels about me and spending the rest of his life with me. Once in bed one night we were talking and he asked me if I wanted to marry him [in the future], and I said that I did. Someone with a little less restraint than me and a bit more excitable could've taken that as a proposal ( :grin: ), so it's in his mind - he's also let slip more than one when we've been lying talking in bed that he's referred to me as his 'husband' rather than boyfriend. I smile, laugh and don't make a big deal about it. He, on the other hand is embarrassed (in a humorous way though) that I'll somehow think he's trying to drop hints to me.
     
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  10. PatrickUK

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    Okay, here's my outside perspective... you say you are waiting for your divorce to be finalised and I just wonder if your man is thinking that you'll need a bit of space before anyone pops the question. As I understand it, you remain on good terms with your ex wife and it will not be a nasty, acrimonious divorce; even so it is divorce and most people like some breathing space between the end of one marriage and making plans for another. Is it possible your man is thinking along these lines?
     
  11. Highlander2

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    Hmmm. I'm not sure. She and I get on very well and we've been discussing the divorce and its progress. It'll be over and done with in the next month or two.

    I'm not desperate to ask him - it just feels right. But it's like anything else, I can talk myself out of it or introduce such an element of doubt into my head that I end up not doing things. And perhaps there's something in having that space between the end of one, and the whirlwind (as that's exactly what it is!!) of planning another one. I hadn't stopped to think about the additional pressure that comes with the planning of a wedding. I just want to be with him and to make and keep those promises with him, as he does with me.

    I guess, asking the question about what kind of wedding he'd like us to have in the future is a starting point for the conversation - to get round to when he thinks that would happen. I can then judge where his head is at.
     
  12. SiennaFire

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    It sounds like you are both are interested in making this a long-term relationship and that the next step is "partner" rather than husband.

    You and he should decide when you get married not his friends! Deferring to the wishes of others put us in the closet in the first place!!!

    Maybe he's looking for reassurance that you see things the same way?

    Perhaps the two of you should have a conversation where you acknowledge the awkwardness of the girlfriend conversations and the fact that your divorce is pending and reiterate how you feel - that you look to the future of moving in and beyond.
     
    #12 SiennaFire, Feb 7, 2018
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2018
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  13. Richard321

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    The main thing is that you are together now. That's awesome. The two of you together sounds awesome. You are nearly divorced, but not yet actually divorced. That's my understanding anyway. At least wait until the divorce is settled. He might be as eager to ask you to marry him as you are to ask him. That again is awesome. He might ask you first. So, keep telling him that you love him... And keep showing him it, too.
     
  14. brainwashed

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    Forget formality and restraints. Talk.
     
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  15. Highlander2

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    I love this. Thanks, for reflecting everything back to me. It's made me think and really, fully appreciate exactly what I have. I just want to be with him and to share the future with him. And I can do that whether we're married, engaged or whatever
     
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  16. brainwashed

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    a) This post has sent me into a daze. It tells me how two guys can fall in love and be together. This concept is still very new to me. The post "shows me a way".

    b) Ask yourself why is it important to marry (partner) him. I know a handful of hetro-couples (The States only) who have been together for decades. They don't merry for tax purposes, dont want to appease the Christian church, etc.
     
    #16 brainwashed, Feb 7, 2018
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2018
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  17. butterfly1

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    Highlander 2- Sounds like your partner is being very considerate of you. Not rushing into a marriage. Maybe he's giving you the room you need in your emotions and thought process. Getting married is a very important and sacred decision to make and do. It seems he is taking the time to let the both of you talk and think through this decision. As the saying goes "timing is everything". When it feels right for the both of you, it will happen. Just let things flow in a natural way. And maybe not let outside influences interrupt that flow within the both of you.

    It's like the old story, that a mother wants her child to get married, have kids, etc. But both of you have to arrive at that moment in your own way, in your own time. It seems he cares about you, and wants it all to work out right for both of you.

    Keep the conversations between the both of you on going and honest. Glad to see a situation like this at EC. : )
     
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  18. Really

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    I’m going to guess that he picked this number out of his hat simply to get her to cool her jets. Maybe after the extended grilling by these friends, he just needed them to come back to reality. A reality where you and he haven’t even discussed timelines and he needed her to know, in a friendly way, that she’d have to wait her turn before he discusses anything like this with her. You never know; he might propose the day your divorce comes through. Don’t let one off the cuff comment dictate how you think about your relationship.
     
  19. Highlander2

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    And knowing him as I do I think that’s more than likely what he did. He’s quite off the cuff with a lot of things and sometimes just says what is on his mind. And how you’ve described his thinking about his friends is spot on. “They’ll get told about stuff when I’m ready” attitude.

    Guys, it’s good to come back here from time to time. You help get rid of some of the haze that creeps in now and again and you help get my thinking back on track again.

    This relationship is the most unlike any of the others. This is someone who I absolutely love and who loves and adores me and I see that every day in what he does. Sure we have our niggles from time to time as we’re living together, but we work hard to make each other happy. That in itself feels almost magical to have that, when I know what I’ve had before.
     
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  20. Highlander2

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    So I am about a week away from the proposal I have been spent the last few months planning.

    We are off on a short weekend trip to Scotland and I have the location planned, and the how I’m going to do it sorted.

    I have this rising excitement inside that I am finding hard to control. He and I have talked marriage and children and a future together, and he’s told me he wants to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me.

    Now I’m going to ask him to confirm that properly by getting down on one knee and asking him.

    The last five years or so have been a journey of self discovery. Sometimes elated and sometimes something very different. But I have found a man who is in love with me, who loves and adores me, who I adore and love and am in love with, and who makes loving another man real, alive and very, very special.
     
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