Im not sure if Im bi or lesbian

I am by no means an expert at this! First of all, you are not alone. So many young people go through this. For me, I didn't know for sure I was bisexual until I was 24 years old. I've always been attracted to women and men but pushed the women side away like it would go away. Saying this, sex with a man repulsed me at your age. Any kind of sex repulsed me. I didn't want to have sex or even think about sex until well into high school. A lot of my friends wanted to have sex before me. A lot of that all depends on how you were raised, what you've been taught, and what you've seen in life. I hope this helps. It's not an answer, but I do hope you know not to feel to pressured to KNOW right now. You are very young and you will know when you know.

 

Yeah, you do like girls. And you're not (totally) straight. It's a good sign that you can just say that. And the idea of trying to picture your future (either in bed or just living a life) is a good indicator. (If you hadn't said, we would have asked.) I swear I won't mention that you're young (you did anyway so it's probs OK), but I'll say you have done plenty of thinking about this already.

Another yeah, good guess. That sort of thing starts sounding interesting about... oh... just about at the end of middle school. So. There's time. It does sound like the thought of making out with a guy isn't thrilling. But maybe it's all your friends talk about. Annoying, huh?

So. You asked a specific question: what should you do? Step 1: read back through older threads here on EC. Every question in the world has come up and had pretty smart people give their feedback.

But what about your life? What should you do? Well, anyone who claims to have the one and only answer... they don't. You have a boyfriend, I'm guessing this is not hot-and-heavy-romance. If he is expecting some smooching then maybe you should at least tell him that you're not (yet) ready for that. Maybe your relationship will sort of dissolve into a (good) friendship. If you do start thinking more romantically, that would be a sign that you're not totally gay either. Can you discuss this with any of your other friends? I know it sounds traumatic, but these days it's less of a big deal. I hope your school (and friends) is one of the tolerant ones.

You are young (oops!) and even though it is frustrating to hear people say "take your time, ask boys and girls out, see how it goes" the fact is that is good advice. As you yourself know, so many things can happen and change over the course of a quarter, semester, or school year. 8th grade is totally different from 7th. 9th is totally different from 8th. Etc.

Finally, stick around here and tell us more of your thinking. Just writing stuff down is very helpful.

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

beentheredonetht really kind of nails this down, I have to agree with all of it.

Middle school was a mess for myself wondering about being bi, made worse by the part of the US I lived in. Some of it I can say now years after were a little justified, but a lot of it was a waste of time. Not to mention some of the people I had problems with I haven't seen since middle school.

Even now I look back at the time I was in tech school and wonder why I worried about things that never mattered. Some things have stayed the same like my taste in music and movies, but I can say I am not the person my middle school self would think of becoming.

Relationships in school rarely last past graduation, so accept not all of them are going to be ideal, but try and focus on the good parts and learn as you go.

 

You're so young you have your whole life to figure out what labels if any you want to use and what kind of person if any you would want to be with. Take time for yourself and remember you don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with. It might seem like other people already gave their lives figured out but trust me no one has all the answers at your age.

 

I wasn’t sure at first either. I went from straight to maybe bisexual to 100% lesbian all without ever kissing anyone. And it took years. Now the idea of being with a guy grosses me out but at 12 I was having daydreams about marrying Harry Potter. I was pretty sure Eragon was prime fantasy material. As I got older I kicked Edward Cullen out of my daydreams and invited in Alice. ( I had a thing for fictional characters). It takes time to figure all this stuff out and you don’t have to give yourself a label. Your still very young so already you’re ahead of most people when it comes to figuring out they’re sexual orientation.

 

hey op, well its totally okay tht its repulsive to you--dont forget to take things at a pace that feels natural to you. dont. dont. rush. and please take care of yourself, youre very young and have all the time to figure yourself out. and good for you that you are so sure! thats perfectly fine! its also okay if that changes over time. best of luck op!