Dissatisfied

The grass isn't always greener if you do leave.....at least at first....I miss my kids and knowing she's happy with her boyfriend doesn't make it any easier.... I just know eventually it will be better. I don't feel ready to date yet. I moved to a small flat but am already looking to get a bigger place for my kids. It's been three weeks since I felt. I don't know why but this week has been difficult emotionally, feel like crying . But I'm seeing my counselor tomorrow thank God.
You would all miss your kids and your wives could move on quickly and it hurts seeing them with new partner's knowing their getting lots of sex.....

 

Self discovery can be both scary and fun. Take it how you want it to be.

 

I'm feeling better, it was a wobble, I haven't fully cried in yrs. I can start but can't keep it going. Though a full cry session I know for a fact would make me feel alot better. It's part of letting the emotions go. The last time as far as I can remember was in 2000 at my grandad funeral......Hearing the Christmas music in the stores makes me sad, knowing this yr it will be different. Though I did yesterday go after work and start shopping for my kids....
I hope you and your wife find your paths forward ad I think in another thread you said you seeing a new counselor today.....
Better get ready for work.
Hugs Rade/Jon

 

I’m just reading through all of this thread. How are you doing sevnbutton? How’s everything holding up at home now?

 

Well said. I hope you've been doing better. Keep talking when you need to, we're always here to listen.

 

Appreciate the advice. I have not directly appologized, we live states apart and it's a hit more complicated than just this one issue. We did reconnect a bit at a family reunion but it was mostly just mutual acknowledgment that we have both grown wiser through age. I was particularly more willing to show support for him though, a side he never saw from me. Food for thought though, how to word such a letter. I like the idea and perhaps not today will start thinking that process through. My point of mentioning though is just that experience opens our eyes. Where I was babtist raised I was as a boy totally closed to the idea that it was natural. Over the years personal experience proved me immature, even after first experimentation I hid behind that homophobia. Perhaps if I protested loud enough, no one would learn my secret? Well, only in the last 5 years have I totally came out to myself, accepting it was more than sexual experimentation. I am gay. It took self awareness to get there. Self acceptance. Generationally things have changed. I can admit openly I support gay rights, where even 20 years ago, if one did you outed yourself. So no, it doesn't make me brave, just made it easier to start making amends for my small world view. Again, was just trying to say, we aren't alone. I know I am not the only person to hide a evil secret by accusing others, or trying to deflect because of cowardous. I was in now way bragging of my abhorant behavior...I guess just trying to be open to others, though it obviously offended one at least.

 

It sounds like it's really tough on both of you....alot of emotional stuff going on...
Christmas seems to trigger me and I'm not an emotional person. I think I'm slowly letting go of my ex marriage and the emotional feelings and stupid things bring tears is part of letting go....

 

Yeah I've struggled so bad to let go, the thought of my ex and him in a physical relationship was hard for me, but I think I've let go now. It's their life....I'm accepting it but don't want to be around them when they are together, I keep away. He comes with her to collect the kids some times and that's enough for me.

 

It might be empowering and may make you feel good. I sometimes say it out loud.
I think you said your wife is aware, mine just ran for the hills....

 

Big hugs, I’m sure it will be emotional, hopefully it will feel like a relief and a step that brings strength too <3 it’s so valuable to have an lgbt counsellor you can share this with, I’m so glad you’re making this step.

 

Hey Sevn

I've been out for several weeks and just got caught up on this thread.

I hope you and your wife can come to some sort of resolution. You both seem very unhappy right now. There is an answer somewhere here and I hope you find it.

I'm a bisexual man who really has no interest in developing a relationship with a man beyond some casual intimacy. And, I have a satisfying marriage. Both of these help in allowing my sort of mixed orientation marriage. But, some of us don't have that. I am sensing that you need something that your marriage cannot offer. I'm also wondering if your wife also gets this on some level?

I hope the best for you.