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Lost! Just random thpughts going through my mind .

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Jawad, Dec 2, 2018.

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  1. Jawad

    Jawad
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    Hello !Thank you for this amazing forum . I joined the EC a couple of days ago just to help a friend who came out to me. But it seems a great supportive forum and i have no one to talk to so i decided to write here.

    This is just a short background about me.
    I'm Jawad , i live in the middle east and I'm turning 23 years old soon. I accepted the fact that i'm gay in my 22nd birthday but i never told anyone. I was born and raised in dubai and now i'm studying in Jordan .My family is Christian and i have a brother who converted to Islam.

    I woke up this morning feeling low energy and i decided to skip my classes . I'm still in bed and i have millions of thoughts bursting in my head .

    I m gay and i have a girlfriend for 3 years now . I'm gay and i still make hateful comments when my friends talk about gays.
    My friend came out to me and i'msupporting him though the fact i hate myself for bring gay. Maybe it should be easier for me to come out to my friend now but i'm too coward to do it.
    I work 2 jobs and i manage to get straight As in university . So I'm what my family call "the perfect son" .
    I can imagine the dissapointment they'd feel if they find out i'm gay .

    So many things i need to change but no idea from where or how to start.
    I'm just EXHAUSTED !
     
    #1 Jawad, Dec 2, 2018
  2. CathyMia

    CathyMia
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    I can understand why your exhausted. Your life doesn't sound easy, hiding never is. I'm glad you've found some respite with this forum. Best of luck to you.
     
    #2 CathyMia, Dec 2, 2018
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  3. Rade

    Rade
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    Hello and welcome....
    It can seem a long journey, the first step is excepting your sexuality. I led my ex wife on for 20 yrs. I wouldn't wont you to go down my route, I'm left with nothing from my past twenty yrs except my wonderful kids. My ex hates me and has good reason...
    Start by excepting who you are, and this could take time. Then perhaps come out to your friend and respect the LGBT community, I perhaps slated gay people when I was young BUT I have the up most respect for ALL LGBT. Perhaps you can move abroad once you have all your qualifications and then tell your family when your financially independent....
     
    #3 Rade, Dec 2, 2018
  4. Jawad

    Jawad
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    Oh , seems you had a hard journey yourself. Happy for you that you found peace in the end .
    Accepting is never easy when i risk the love of family and bestfriends. I respect LGBT community and i never had a problem with someone being gay except if that someone is me. It doesn't make any sense right!? Being in a relationship without sex is normal here in my community and that's what helped me to go on with my GF for 3 years now. I don't wanna continue lying to her but i'm scared to break out with her .
     
    #4 Jawad, Dec 2, 2018
  5. Rade

    Rade
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    Yeah it must be very hard, is it against the law to be gay in your country,?
    I didn't come out to my family till this year at 42, but you do have time on your side. I'm not 100 gay or I wouldn't have three kids by my ex, our love life was ok at times but it felt like something was missing....I wanted a threesome but she freaked out.....
     
    #5 Rade, Dec 2, 2018
  6. Jawad

    Jawad
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    Being gay is against everything here . I mean they banned a band just because the leader singer was gay. I have a Muslim friend who came out to me weeks ago, he is so brave to do that esp that his family is so religious. I'm not sure how my family would react if i ever came out to them esp my Muslim brother. But as i'm nowhere near telling any that i'm gay. However i'm thinking about leaving my GF who is by now i'm sure she is thinking when i'm going to propose :/
     
    #6 Jawad, Dec 3, 2018
  7. Rade

    Rade
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    In some cultures in the UK, bring gay is still very hidden and alot of men are in the closet. It goes against their faith and religion.
    Women in general, in the UK have it easier in public, they can cuddle and hold hands but men, you don't see them cuddle or hold hands unless it's a pride event.
    But no where near as bad as you have it.
    Would you consider moving abroad eventually?
     
    #7 Rade, Dec 3, 2018
  8. Jawad

    Jawad
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    I don't know how one can tell if he's 100%gay or 70%... I believe one can fall in love out o
    I guess it's because females are usually more affectionate than males thus seeing 2 girls cuddling ,hugging ..etc ,is something acceptable.
    Here is to some extend normal to see males hugging and kissing (in the cheeks ofcourse <_>) as it is how most arabs welcome each other.

    I'm considering going abroad to complete my study for sure, however i'd love eventually to come back. I usually travel every now and then to florida but i don't have future plans to stay abroad forever.
     
    #8 Jawad, Dec 3, 2018
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  9. Rade

    Rade
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    I hope somehow you find piece with your sexuality and have a good life that you deserve. We all deserve to be happy.
    I'm now starting my life again at 43. I go to a few LGBT groups each month, I like being in this community now. I can be who I truly am.
     
    #9 Rade, Dec 3, 2018
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  10. Gutterpunk

    Gutterpunk
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    the way I kinda dealt with the possibility of being disappointed was to separate myself from my family as I was saying it, so if they hated me f*** them.
     
    #10 Gutterpunk, Dec 3, 2018
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  11. Jawad

    Jawad
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    Eventually , what matters is me . But as most of us , i wish to have my family support and love.
     
    #11 Jawad, Dec 5, 2018
  12. Gutterpunk

    Gutterpunk
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    i do too, and i'm lucky that they do, but at that time, that was the attitude i needed to use to say it without worry.
     
    #12 Gutterpunk, Dec 5, 2018
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