Thank you all for your responses and thoughts on the previous thread I posted. Working through this has basically consumed my thoughts and mind for the last few months. I had planned to wait until after Christmas to tell my wife, but a part of me wants to do it now. I feel like it's constantly on the verge of coming out of mouth! On the other hand, depending on how it goes, having a lot of family in the house with no escape for several days could be hard with that sort of thing out in the open. What do you think--should I wait until January as I had planned or take the plunge? I know there is no right answer necessarily, but I would like your thoughts. Thanks!
Hi that's a tough one, i'd ask how do you think she'll respond ?. Does she have a idea that something is up ? Just waiting for you to say something. How urgent is it to you to say something.. & with family around which would make it harder. But if you believe it has to be now or never.. Lol Good luck
Thanks, Ron. It's probably just because it's been my only focus recently. I need to relax. It doesn't have to be now or never--it's taken me 36 years to get here mentally, so a few more weeks won't kill me!
Lol. Oh i totally understand how your feeling, mine was about the same number of years as yours. When i decided i was gay and had to end the relationship i was in with a woman. The stress and upheaval was large and had even started affecting my health. But Now that i'm out on my own and living the gay life i feel i was born to live..
We've seen this question before in different ways and for different life events and holidays. I get that it's stressful but the holidays are about a group of people and not just one person. Your thinking about the impact the timing will have on others is considerate. How about making it a new year's resolution to do it then? I would wait for other opinions on this one. That just happened to be my opinion. In the meantime, stay composed and stay strong.
Coming out while family are around just adds more stress to those taking it all in. I'd suggest waiting until things quiet down before doing so.
If you have KIDS, please wait till after Christmas, I left this month and am dreading Xmas, will be the worst ever.....not seeing them on the big day, not being there to put up the Xmas tree.....
Thanks all for your feedback. I will wait until after Christmas, later in January when things have settled down.
@Razorbacks , I think you have a good plan. There is no good time for doing this, there will always be a birthday, an anniversary, a vacation, people from out of town... But right before Christmas seems especially bad. Good luck! This is a really big step.
I’m in a similar situation with my daughters. Well my wife and I are separating and I at the same time believe my older daughter can know why. However her birthday is at the end of January so I feel like no matter when we break the news it’s going to ruin some event for her. In any case we decided to go with January for now and hope tht she will understand better as she gets older.
Yes, wait until after the festive season is over and done with and things get back to normal. It may feel important to you to come out sooner rather than later, but it is also important to consider you're family's feelings. They probably just want a happy, carefree holiday with as little drama as possible, and breaking news to them at a time like Christmas can be a lot to deal with. So wait until its all over and done with and there are no other distractions.
Thank you all! I thought about it more overnight, and I am for sure waiting until after the holidays.
How big of a deal is Christmas in your household? Do you celebrate the religious part, the secular part or both? How likely is your wife to be accepting? Do you plan on staying with her? Do you have kids, younger or older (as in 16+)? If I were you, these would all play into my decision, as an unaccepting family may resent a dad that "ruined Christmas". Not to sound harsh, just something to think about. Maybe even New Year's might be better? Perhaps you want to express to your wife, a new year's resolution of total openness and honesty. "There's something that I've really been struggling with, and I need my best friend and the woman who has shown me so much love right now, who brought our amazing kids into the world and raised so well. I thank you every day for the person you are to me. I didn't see this coming, not like this, but it's tearing me apart and I can't ignore it anymore. Please don't hate me, I really need your love and acceptance right now. Honey, I'm... "
If you are going to do it before Christmas, you should do it now. The weeks leading up to Christmas are particularly stressful as everyone makes an effort (in between the daily routine) to get everything just perfect for the big day. If you introduce the subject of your sexuality amid all of the stress leading up to Christmas it will go very badly indeed and it goes without saying that we should never come out at Christmas - that would be a huge mistake. If you can wait it out until the New Year, that might be the best idea.
She’s going to be 12 at the end of January. She already knows something is going on. We’re not sure what exactly she knows or thinks she knows.
My ex wife screamed it out the night before I left home. So I needed to have the talk....she is fine. I talk openly about it, she knows I want a long term male partner and she embraces it..... My others are 10 and 6 so don't know.... My daughter is quite mature, 12 might be ok to tell your daughter, perhaps wait till she is 12. it's very normal these days. My daughter tells me there are children in her class who are open about their sexuality....what a difference a few decades has made...
