I am keen to know whether people think I am being realistic or whether I am really kidding myself. I am dating a girl who is currently travelling, I think she is great, I am in regular correspondence with her and I enjoy her company and I'm attracted to her. I can't wait for her to come back to the UK and spend time with her. I receive erotic messages from her and reciprocate and I think about sleeping with her. We haven't had sex but I cannot wait to do so. But at the same time my friends clearly think I am gay, I sense an attitude when I am with them and a feeling they believe if I have any relationship with a woman it is going to be fraud. I am 35 years old and I haven't had a serious relationship with a woman for a while and have had mental health problems in the past. I am currently on citalopram and aripiprazole due to these mental health issues and I'm keen to know what people think. Even with these drugs I get social anxiety, I can be in situations where my hands shake, commonly where I think I am in a place where I could be judged on my sexuality. I feel I could and want a long term relationship with this girl, but I don't want to lie to her and though I have mentioned the citalopram I haven't mentioned the other drug I am on. I use to think I was bisexual, but I'm not sure that is the case anymore, I love the company of women, but clearly there is an issue if I am still shaking in awkward situations and I am writing about it on this message board. I suppose I am just calling out to see whether what I am experiencing is common. I just don't want to hurt her, she is great and has been a positive aspect to my life.
if u truly love this woman and think u should be with this woman then being honest is a good thing. building trust and reciprocity is important as well as communication. doesnt matter wht ur friends think. what matters is what You think and feel
-> But at the same time my friends clearly think I am gay, I sense an attitude when I am with them and a feeling they believe if I have any relationship with a woman it is going to be fraud. I think your friends should mind their own business, and let you explore relationships on your own. Their meddling is causing anxiety for you.
Is there a reason why your friends think that you're gay? Are you a feminine man? If so, there is nothing wrong with being that and still being straight. It could be that your friends are still living in the past and judging you by what they think a straight man should be like. It's best just to be yourself, and don't let others change your opinion of yourself.
This seems to be the case. If your friends know you have social anxiety, they should be especially careful not to put any pressure on you in this regard. Of these friends, how many would you count as true friends and not friends of friends or acquaintances? Maybe all of them, maybe one or two, only you know that; however, in any case, friends should support you and want you to be happy in finding love, regardless of who it is you love. Isn't that one of the basic struggles we all have here?
Apologies for the slow reply I read your responses and really appreciate the kind words. This forum is great to scope opinion and support when required. I wouldn't say I am feminine no, but I'm very liberal and open minded in my views which does not fit necessary with the small town mentality I was brought up in. I think as we all have probably experienced people generally like labelling and putting people in boxes, so though I like my sports and rock music, I also have no problem going to art galleries, plays or the colour pink. I enjoy the company of the girl so much that I am have booked to go away on holiday with her for New Year's. Thanks again for the messages.
I have found many gays assume all are gay until proven different. Do not let someone else define you. If you are straight gay bi or something else that is you
Your friends’ thoughts about your sexuality don’t determine who you are. Only you can do that. The thoughts/words of other people have no bearing on your sexuality or your relationship. If you feel that them talking the way they do makes you feel more anxious, you have every right to tell them you don’t want to talk to them about these things. Take care.
Adding to the confusion of others - I actually like girls/women. I just don't prefer having sex with them. Go figure. I'm much more likely to have a good conversation with a woman than a man. I like their point of view / perspective.
I think you have to only think about what you know. Your friends may speculate that your gay but if you love this woman and are attracted to her then what your friends think isn't all that relevant. I am someone who identifies as a man and is homo romantic and asexual. It's hard to figure this kind of stuff out but if you believe you feelings are real then ignore your friends and go for it! Good Luck!
Be yourself . You don't have to label it. You don't have to act upon others thoughts . One can fall in love out of no where . I fought for years the idea of me being gay . And though i'm not yet comfortable about it but i am . When i admitted that to myself i realized it's not about labeling but rather realizing my feelings and attraction towards guys . But if i ever fall for a girl i'd let my heart express that love and not just acting upon a label .
