Hi all. I have recently realized I am a lesbian. However, I have a boyfriend, and to build on that fact, my boyfriend is a trans guy. When we first started dating I simply identified as pansexual, so nothing was a problem, but now i am completely unattracted to men, I feel nothing. I know I need to tell him because i am so unhappy doing this to him but I am terrified of hurting him. I dont want him to think that I saw him as a girl because I didnt. I've been with him for a year and for the most part everything was smooth. I just realized i'm not into guys. Another thing, he is my best friend and I dont want to lose him, which at this point may be inevitable. It's a really awful, confusing situation and I need all the help I can get
softtghost.....Hello and a very big welcome to empty closets! I do think that you should share with your boyfriend the difficulties that you are having. You don't need to just hit him with an "I'm not attracted to you", but could start a conversation about your attractions and how they have begun to change. Since he is trans, it won't be a subject that he is unaware of. And since he is your best friend, having a conversation about your attractions would seem to be something that the two of you could, and maybe already have, talked about. Remember that you are a part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care...we care a lot. Please keep us updated on how this works out! .....David
I really feel for you. It's the same for me that there's definitely a complete unattraction to cis guys, and while I identified as lesbian at first, I now think I fit more under queer because I have found myself very attracted to several trans guys. My best friend is a trans guy and I've unfortunately fallen hard for him, though for many reasons I cannot do anything about it. I think that if I were to tell him, because he's only ever known me to identify as a lesbian, he might think I don't see him as a guy, but I entirely do. I am just attracted to him in a way that I never would be with a cis guy, if that makes sense....I don't know, sexuality is weird. Are you entirely unattracted to your boyfriend now or could you possibly like both girls and trans guys? I also completely understand the fear of losing your best friend. That is probably the biggest reason I don't want to tell my best friend of my feelings because I could not bear losing him. He is the best person in my life and I never want to do anything to ruin what we have. Hoping the best for you and know that you are not alone : -)
This is a tough one but not impossible. It's best you speak your truth sooner rather than later. Sometimes it isn't the truth that hurts, it's the time it took to tell it, especially when the person on the receiving end is someone that you have a close relationship with. I agree with some of the previous replies, due to the sensitivity of the situation, your boyfriend being trans has gone through numerous conversations throughout the process of transitioning about the possibilities of partners attractions changing. It may not be what he wants to hear and I am sure it won't feel good but if you want to preserve the friendship at the very least, even if it takes time to get back to that because you both will have some healing to do, it is imperative you share your feelings and thoughts. Just be you, be open, be honest, be humble, and be understanding and sympathetic. Be ready for reactions you may not expect and make sure you are ready to respond in a proper and calm way as not to overwhelm him or yourself with distractions from the reality of the conversation. Best.
