Just too old to be gay?

Good music and good conversation go hand in hand

 

I rarely share, but resonate with this thread. Closeted and married, I honestly am lost since the closure of CL. I have always only been attracted to older men. Massage practitioners was how I found connections across the US when i was military. Being closeted I have difficulty finding meetups, and so few in St Louis which is surprising for such a liberals city. Definitely none targeting older retired gay or bi crowd. Dating sites all have the same few on every one. I too am guilty of over sharing. I hope to find someone that relates to my situation, so share my story way too soon, but I guess on the positive it quickly flushes out hustlers and wierdos.

My ultimate? To just find a real relatable guy? And dating apps just aren't tailored to that. Not that CL was, but at least a few times I found a older gay man willing to talk, which I desperately seeking living in such secrecy and shame. It's like, so liberating to have a space to say, I'm gay just to have it spoken aloud. Again to digress but that's why I over share in dating apps. To say it "out loud and proud". Sorry to hijack...thanks for all the comments above, they help when one relates.

 

Hey there, @heythere1971 -
You're pretty much on-topic, and this thread isn't very active, so I don't think you're hijacking it.

What is "CL"?

Your post was the first one I read, first thing this morning, and it really resonated with me. I'm married with kids. I've come out to my wife, but we hardly ever talk about it. I could no more leave my family than I could cut off one of my fingers. There's just gotta be some solution to this.

It sounds like you're looking for companionship, not necessarily hook-ups. One of the members here on EC posted about using the apps to find people, while being really clear that he was just looking for someone to talk with, maybe over a beer. In a city the size of St. Louis, there must be people worth meeting.

Thanks for posting - reading your posts was a great way to start my day.

=Sevn

 

Herethere1971...I concur...my need for older (50-60) male attention led to too much disclosure on apps and I found myself in a cycle of deleting my membership for awhile then I would feel as though I gained some self respect and control only to dip back into feelings of loneliness and craving validation....it’s a trap in my opinion but I can definitely empathize with your situation...

 

Sorry Craigslist. I was able to be selective, anonymous. Hide in plain sight

 

Wow, you hit that dead on. My life history, since 18. Then it was email, or payphones from listings on the back page of City activity magazines from buss busss advertising massage. Technology brought Craigslist, the evolution of those adds. Frantically covering my tracks, deleting browser history. Even caught once from first wife and blamed on hotel network, "what the heck is m4m massage" I said. Subject was dropped. I stuffed it away for years after that near outing. Then the apps. Even this site. Joined 5 years ago maybe. Felt I over shared. That's probably my attraction to older. They seem willing, if not look forward to talk. Not a cash shakedown, or pervy hookup. Actually feel safe and open in more cases than not. But yes, and thanks you get it. Have joined and deleted numerous times just about all sites. Paranoid of being noticed never post pic, which limits responses in any case. Tired of the cycle. So glad to see others of similar circumstance. I just started seeing a councilor. Not LGBT specific, and only one session so far. Not sure if I will open up and be real yet. Insurance chose her being in network. Not sure I can open to likely straight woman. Too much like telling my grandma.

 

Yeah my therapist while very nice was ilder as well and she would either minimize my feelings regarding my conflicted concerns and switch topics....
I guess I was looking for validation but never received it