1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

What is your bedroom situation (hetero married lesbian and gay)?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Fuzzy, Nov 25, 2018.

  1. Fuzzy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2018
    Messages:
    189
    Likes Received:
    105
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    So once you're "out of the closet" with your spouse, what was your bedroom situation? We share a bed and it's suffocating sometimes, but things in our house are not well set up for anything different unless I want to take over a kid's bedroom or figure out how to use the living room that's not well set up for it. I want a place to relax that is my own. What's your situation?
     
  2. weary

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2018
    Messages:
    352
    Likes Received:
    270
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Luckily my husband works nights and isn't here often. When he is home I sleep in my daughter's room or on the hideabed couch in the den. I have a spare room I use for my office and had thought about setting it up as my bedroom, but I am really just hoping it will be sooner than later that he finds his own place.
     
  3. weary

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2018
    Messages:
    352
    Likes Received:
    270
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I wanted to add that when I first came out I tried to stay sleeping in the bedroom. I think that is what led to his confusion with the separation. So 6-8 months ago not sure how long is when I decided to change it so we are never in the same room. I did that not only for his benefit but mine as well. I felt so much more at ease with the full separation.
     
  4. SoulSearch

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2018
    Messages:
    320
    Likes Received:
    267
    Location:
    US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    We have a guest room and I sleep in there. I stayed in the bed with my husband until I started dating a woman. Sharing a bed with my husband was just too weird after that. I still use my closet and the master bathroom to get dressed. I don’t want to share with a 6-year-old who doesn’t always aim.
     
  5. Caraldo

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2017
    Messages:
    220
    Likes Received:
    199
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Family only
    Well my situation was a little different because I was always out as bi, and when I kind of made it known I was really only into men, we had already ceased sexual relations and when I wasn't traveling for work we slept in the same bed. Things stayed that way for a while until I decided to divorce. Then I moved into another room. That worked okay, but moving out completely was really freeing.
     
  6. Rade

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2018
    Messages:
    1,180
    Likes Received:
    630
    Location:
    Bedford UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Me and ex wife shared the bed for a while, then she moved to the sofa. I wasn't being mean but she kept texting her lover half the night , so hence her moving down stairs. I've moved out now....
     
  7. Maldoone

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2018
    Messages:
    184
    Likes Received:
    121
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Odd, but the same. Sex was never good, in that I really don't think I've made love to my wife ever, and for a while after I came out, sex was occurring but you know i was initiating trying to introduce some play. Deep breath. OK, that s not working. And now, almost 19 months after my revelation, it's tailed off. I can't even think how I might begin. Honestly. I read all that I could find on web, and it all points to doomed marriage. Replies here and everywhere are telling me to get out. My gay brother doesn't want to know. He cites ''unicorns' and ''sirens' drawing me to ''gaytown'. But it reveals more about them than me. It's impossible to understand this pressure unless you've experienced it. The calm feeling I get in my imagining my life with someone i really love...anyway, I digress sorry. To answer: was relegated to spare room whilst we take stock and work out where I would go, but that scared the kids, so I was rehoused in main bedroom. Trying to consolidate life here, Ive had more sex with her than a lot of years of marriage: but like Joe Kort says, it's fading. And the longing gets stronger, and TV and media accptancce is there. Enough for now!
     
    Danabutton likes this.
  8. Rade

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2018
    Messages:
    1,180
    Likes Received:
    630
    Location:
    Bedford UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Do you want to stay with your wife? If your bi you might be able to rekindled your love......
    I was married and generally enjoyed sex with my ex wife. She couldn't handle me being bisexual.....so the end....
     
  9. SevnButton

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2018
    Messages:
    1,184
    Likes Received:
    970
    Location:
    Southern California Coast
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Great question! Since long before I came out to my wife, she's been snuggling down with our daughter to get her to sleep, then usually spends the whole night there. Sometimes she wakes up in the middle of the night and goes to the couch in our living room. I'm happy sleeping by myself .
     
  10. Forlong

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2018
    Messages:
    394
    Likes Received:
    169
    Location:
    Nowhere
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Not out to my husband, we sleep in the same bed but rarely have sex. If he knew about my sexual orientation I doubt he want to share a bed with me. I actually sleep better when we don’t share a bed because he snores very loud and talks in his sleep a lot :frowning2:.
     
  11. Contented

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2017
    Messages:
    1,465
    Likes Received:
    2,321
    Location:
    Upstate NY
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    When I first started to come to terms with being gay I was involved with a woman. As I became more comfortable with my homosexuality i wanted to distance myself from intimate contact with her. At the end I couldn’t stand sleeping with her. I didn’t
    want her to touch me, etc. Of course this was all on me not her I understood that but it didn’t change the way I felt. The day we broke up was like total liberation. The idea of sleeping with a woman now just grosses me out.
     
    Caraldo likes this.
  12. heythere1971

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2015
    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    25
    Location:
    St louis
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Same bed. Rare to have intamcy. She often asks and I claim to be tired. If I do "perform" to maintain the illusion, I surely have to picture a man to complete. At the same time, I am a guy so can get hard, just have had to paint her out of the picture. I of course feel guilty for the lie. I know...should be honest. Just not there nor can picture a time when I will be. My desperation to confront this comes in waves. Every 6 months or so it becomes unbearable, the need for male mompanionship. And then it wanted and I think I can push through this way.
     
    Forlong likes this.
  13. maybgayguy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2015
    Messages:
    218
    Likes Received:
    64
    Location:
    MN
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    This exactly. There is a lot of guilt tied up in this. I cannot get hard with her unless I really concentrate on being with a man. This has limited me to being able to orgasm only with oral sex and closing my eyes while thinking about another man.
     
    Forlong likes this.
  14. Forlong

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2018
    Messages:
    394
    Likes Received:
    169
    Location:
    Nowhere
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Same for me, it’s gets harder and harder to picture a woman while my husband gives me oral. I feel disgusted with myself after, makes it hard to be intimate later.
     
    maybgayguy likes this.
  15. Contented

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2017
    Messages:
    1,465
    Likes Received:
    2,321
    Location:
    Upstate NY
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    In the end for me not even thinking about a man could get me hard with her. I knew it was over and no reason to pretend.
     
    Forlong and maybgayguy like this.
  16. SevnButton

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2018
    Messages:
    1,184
    Likes Received:
    970
    Location:
    Southern California Coast
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Yup. My "waves" were coming about 3 months apart. All I could think about was gay sex,although I never acted on in. It was during a "wave" in January of this year that I found Empty Closets. Since becoming honest with myself and coming out here on Empty Closets, the waves have calmed down and become much more bearable.
     
  17. Maldoone

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2018
    Messages:
    184
    Likes Received:
    121
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Oh boy. Me too, but most of the enjoyment was mine, I fear. Yes, staying here is good, it's comfortable and what options do I really have? I think about these things, walking my dog. My conclusion is that like most men, I won't move unless and until I see a viable workable and happy new alternative. In my case, a man. I don't think I am bi. There's too much empathy from thoughts of being close to something I experienced a long time ago. Both sexes are great, but I know where my heart is. I'm rambling, sorry. Did I answer?
     
  18. Rade

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2018
    Messages:
    1,180
    Likes Received:
    630
    Location:
    Bedford UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think I'm gay, I had three yr relationship with a guy in my teens. Deep in my heart I must be. But why did I enjoy sex with my ex wife? I don't get it, i wouldn't date another woman but will never forget the 20 yrs with my wife, she gave me three amazing kids.....
    Moving out is hard, I'm in rented which is hard but I'm already thinking about part ownership, can't get a full mortgage on my own. I might be alone but need to put down my own roots somewhere then look for prince charming to share it with....
    You might find your prince too!! Do you go to any LGBT groups?
     
  19. Rade

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2018
    Messages:
    1,180
    Likes Received:
    630
    Location:
    Bedford UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You live in Scotland, I live in England, Bedfordshire....one hr from London....
     
  20. Maldoone

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2018
    Messages:
    184
    Likes Received:
    121
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    About an hour from Edinburgh. Freedom of movement very restricted. Sometimes in London. However, at this time I'm here exploring through chat.
    Me too; more than one friend with benefits in my teens. Thought I'd moved on, and it meant nothing. That was in a time when being gay was so low profile, it didn't occur to me to be gay. Various women came and went. I proposed, largely because i thought it was the right thing to do, and I knew I needed some force in my life. My parents were long since dead. Some time later, we had two boys, both fantastic, bright, clever and good lookers. (I might be biased here). Anyway, the pull I'm experiencing now arrived 18 months ago when I decided to accept what I'd always known. Now I can surpress the longing, and being practical, that is my best course. But the feeling comes in waves, and I m waiting for the seventh to hit...
    On a positive note, I now take much more care of me, I've started running and have trimmed myself down. Probably subconsciencely trying to be more attractive to receptive guys.
    I questioned myself for a while, and decided I was bi. But the desires head firmly to gaytown, so thats where i am. Gay in a straight marriage, like you were. So much to say.
    Looking to talk, like I said, for now.