My therapist gave me homework. I have to watch coming out videos. I'm very uncomfortable watching them because they cause so much anxiety and shame. It's very hard to click on a video and I have yet to listen to one with the sound on. I don't know what to do.
Is watching less serious/emotional coming out videos any easier for you? Maybe it would be a good idea to start with those instead of the very emotional ones. And discussing why it’s difficult for you to watch with your therapist could help too. For me the more LGBT content I watched the more comfortable I became with the topic, so hopefully it will get better with time and experience for you as well. I know how painful internalized homophobia can be, I struggled with it for years, but it really does get better. ❤️
Yep, its uncomfortable. I remember back when coming out I had the HARDEST fucking time saying "I'm gay" while looking in the mirror. Literally took me like a month to actually do it. I would just stand in front of the mirro for 5 minutes trying to get the courage to go through it all. Sounds silly, but when I actually got myself to whisper it it was such a big step. Like the post said above, take small steps. If the video is too much to watch, then maybe just start with one minute of the whole video. Have you read the coming out stories from here? If not, you can possibly start there since reading might be allow you to take it slower than a video. Keep at it. Its tough, it sucks, but step by step the fear and shame do actually go away.
What about watching a movie about coming out first? Try Jenny's Wedding. It is still my favorite coming out movie. I watch it whenever I start feeling insecure about it.
I agree that positive movies might be a better starting point. Something light though. Nothing with a sad ending. You'd don't need that at this point in your life.
If you can have the courage to watch a video on mute then that is a good first step. Possibility try watching a short video and periodically turn on the sound on the lowest volume. These things take time so don't rush if you aren't ready. It took me a long time to get through those videos without crying, and now it is nothing at all.