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Todays Experience

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by johndeere3020, Nov 20, 2018.

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  1. johndeere3020

    johndeere3020
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    Today, for the first time, I spent an hour with a true LGBTQ counselor.

    For the first time in my life I was able to speak face to face with another gay man and not be afraid. Not be afraid if the tone of my voice wasn't "just right," not be afraid of any unwanted mannerisms. Not having to be in complete control so no one "suspects." Not having to lie to myself for a hour. Able to say the word "gay" and use it in a sentence about myself. Everyone here has been great but, I think that today, I truly feel that I am not alone for the first time.

    Such a different feeling from my previous counselor. Dammit, crying again....

    Dean
     
    #1 johndeere3020, Nov 20, 2018
    quebec, brainwashed, Chip and 19 others like this.
  2. Brandy Bee

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    Crying will happen, there's a lot of tears held back in there, of things never said, feelings overlooked, lies we told ourselves to feel like we fit in.
     
    #2 Brandy Bee, Nov 20, 2018
  3. weary

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    It does really help to have a counselor or really anyone irl that can sympathize without judgment.
     
    #3 weary, Nov 20, 2018
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  4. Ronfindsit

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    Congratulations... So happy for you.. I know i thought i was going crazy till i got the chance to talk to someone. The realise when you actual verbalize it face to face with someone. Is so wonderful totally know where your coming from and there is NOTHING WRONG witb those tears of realise.....
     
    #4 Ronfindsit, Nov 20, 2018
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  5. MOGUY

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    Dean,
    I know exactly what you mean. I didn’t realize how much I “protected” myself around others until I found a therapist that allowed me to be me. I’ve been going almost every week for almost a year now and sometimes I think I’m ready to carry on without him. But I feel I would really miss my sessions because of the opportunity to talk so openly. I’m really happy to hear you found a good therapist! Keep us updated.
     
    #5 MOGUY, Nov 20, 2018
  6. LaneyM

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    #6 LaneyM, Nov 21, 2018
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  7. Forlong

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    That’s awesome so happy for you :slight_smile:
     
    #7 Forlong, Nov 21, 2018
  8. PatrickUK

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    I think this is what you really need Dean. You need a place where you can give a voice to your innermost thoughts and receive immediate feedback, right there in the moment. We do our very best here, but we can never be a substitute for therapy (which is what some members really need). Let the tears come as they will and let the emotion go. You've spent a lifetime holding back and it will be a relief for you to be completely open and authentic.
     
    #8 PatrickUK, Nov 21, 2018
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  9. Rade

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    How empowering, you must feel on top of the world.....when I started coming out it felt just the same, like floating in air.....well done you,

    Jon xx
     
    #9 Rade, Nov 21, 2018
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  10. johndeere3020

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    I guess so far I have just felt totally exhausted. Like there is this big secret I finally get to talk about. The program will only be 10-11 sessions but I feel like he will be able to understand be having lived in rural Kansas for part of he youth. Rural is so different than big city life. Far less people for support.
    Dean
     
    #10 johndeere3020, Nov 26, 2018
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  11. Ronfindsit

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    That's ok get some rest, god just before i got to see someone. Because of some tech issues i had lost contact with the EC sites, and i was at my wits end. With all the different feels running around inside me. A friend helped me get in contact, with a local LBGT support center. before that first meeting i was sleeping maybe 2 hours a night. It had even started affecting my health, but after oh .. Lol. Yes i was totally exhausted, and yes it wss a hard day. But the release felt so good that when i finally did get to sleep, i d slept the best i had in months..
    Again I'm so happy for you.
     
    #11 Ronfindsit, Nov 26, 2018
  12. johndeere3020

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    I thought I had come so far during the last couple of years....Well maybe I have, I don't hate myself nearly as bad. Don't fell like a freak nearly as often. I can say the word gay finally. I think I have so much farther to go in my journey...
     
    #12 johndeere3020, Nov 26, 2018
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  13. johndeere3020

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    I think the hardest part will be over dubbing all the tapes in my head about self doubt and shame.
     
    #13 johndeere3020, Nov 26, 2018
  14. Ronfindsit

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    And you have, you've come to accept a way of life. That still for many go against "what's normal" and still hold a stigma to it. A lifestyle that for big part of your life was unimaginable. That's a lot.. Yes it is a journey, but each journey begans with the first step. & you've already taken that step, now your free to explorer all the wonders and joy that awaits you..
     
    #14 Ronfindsit, Nov 26, 2018
  15. SevnButton

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    Congratulations @johndeere3020 / Dean! To tell you the truth, I'm envious, and motivated by your success.

    A couple of weeks ago in a marriage counseling session, our counselor suggested I get with an LGBT counselor. I asked for her suggestions on counselors to contact, but she never got back to me. So I need to stop waiting around.

    How did you go about finding an LGBT counselor? What motivated you to stop working with your prior counselor?

    =Sevn
     
    #15 SevnButton, Nov 27, 2018
  16. johndeere3020

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    Well, last question first, he retired. Don't get me wrong, he was a good therapist but I don't think a totally straight person can ever completely relate to the feeling of despair I felt growing up.

    Having been married/together since 1999 I don't plan on getting divorced. I love her, maybe not in the same way as a totally straight guy would... When asked by the new counselor what my goals were at this time I told him that I needed to feel better about myself in general. See I can go for months at a time being attracted to women, then a period of attraction to males. I know its weird. Kinda wish I was either straight or gay.

    I am lucky I have a great primary doctor and team. While talking to one of the nurses I asked if there was anyone to speak to that could relate to me and try to answer some questions for me. In all honesty most of my questions have been answered here by other folks and staff, I guess I just needed/need to hear them from someone first hand.

    He is a Fellow in the Mayo Clinic psy department. I asked why it is so hard to find a LGBT person to speak with, he stated that it is extremely hard to find a LGBT counselor through out the country. There are so many people waiting that Mayo doesn't do long term out patient so this will only be 10-12 visits with possibly 10-12 more in the future. But it is a start. I just don't want to feel like a freak at all any more. It has taken so much energy to not be me, I just want to be positive about myself.

    Wife knows I am going, she knows 99 percent of my doubts and fears and she has stood by me. She has worked in a hospital for the last 12 years and has become a lot more liberal and caring than when I first met her...

    Don't be envious Sevn, its been the road thru hell for me, about this time of year, as a teenager I almost put a 70 mm shot gut slug through my head. By the grace of God only I am here,

    Any time anyone wants to talk....
    Dean
     
    #16 johndeere3020, Nov 28, 2018
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  17. SevnButton

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    Dean, I apologize, I didn’t mean to say your circumstances are enviable. But I'd sure like to connect with a counsellor who really understands me! So far, in all my conversations with counselors about sexuality, it seems like I do all the talking, and I'm teaching the counselor.
     
    #17 SevnButton, Nov 29, 2018
  18. TrailDog

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    Excellent work on your part. Seeing a non-LGBTQ counselor is like seeing a podiatrist because you have a sore throat.
     
    #18 TrailDog, Dec 2, 2018
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  19. Lone Wolfe

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    ->. I asked why it is so hard to find a LGBT person to speak with, he stated that it is extremely hard to find a LGBT counselor

    Suggestion - there is a web site https://www.psychologytoday.com/ where I found my gay male therapist. It only took an afternoon of searching to find one too. He is a private hire, but who cares. Sometimes you need to get things off your chest.
     
    #19 Lone Wolfe, Dec 2, 2018
  20. Chignecto

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    Wonderful story. I just posted a thread on being Rural and Gay, but it appears there are very few rural gays on here that can give meaningful responses to our queries and concerns. I liked your earlier suggestion to segue up a rural gay section.
     
    #20 Chignecto, Jan 22, 2019
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