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Reaction of wives

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by MOGUY, Oct 11, 2018.

  1. TravelerMe

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    Definitely! My wife doesn't want to be labeled as stupid or one of "those" women that should have known. That and she just wishes to keep up the outward normality of a heterosexual relationship with family and friends
     
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  2. Rade

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    The wives have alot of Shame because they thought they married straight guys . They can't handle it....they feel tricked and lied too...
     
  3. Redwinerox

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    When I came out as bi to my wife I think my ulterior motive was for it to be the “last-straw” in our relationship. It wasn’t and in the short-term things were much worse with a million accusations. Now a few years later, I believe she has compartmentalized that I’m bi and unless it is brought to mind by a conversation or TV show she is relatively ok. Once it is on her mind our interactions are again accusatory and highly unpleasant. I do want to say that in the past I was unfaithful. She doesn’t know about anything with guys, but has an active imagination which is most likely much more than anything that took place. We are trying to work out our relationship, but the future is certainly uncertain. She has said on more than one occasion that if we part she will out me in every possible way. So as Bill Murray’s character in Caddy Shack said, “so I’ve got that going for me....”
     
  4. Brandy Bee

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    You make a really good point here. It's not fair to our spouses to assume they will be able to shoulder the burden of this new, worrisome reality, is it?
     
  5. regkmc

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    What if you just told people instead of her? I realize this is an oversimplification, but that certainly takes your life and relationship in a different direction.
     
  6. Redwinerox

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    I have told a few close friends that I’m bi. My intention with telling my wife (in a therapist office btw...) was to cause her to say that it was the last straw and we could part ways. Because that didn’t happen I am now living in the reality that should we ever part ways she has made it abundantly clear that she will out me to the world. The only thing that is the least concerning is being outed at my job. I work for a very conservative institution and while some of my coworkers might be ok with my bisexuality, I’m quite sure that some of the older senior executives would not be. Believe me, that isn’t the reason that we’re still married and trying to make something work out. It is more that she can’t work and my grandchildren would not see me nearly as often as they do now. Couple that with the economic reality of my one salary having to pay alimony, and two rents (as we would have to see the house) and you come up with my current situation.