Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for exactly 10 months now. He is a wonderful partner, has helped me through mental anxiety and my jealousy problems. We met up last weekend for the first time and had sex together. I liked it, but my one gripe is that he's really not into kissing/tongues. The problem with this is that I want my sex to be full of intimacy like that, with more emotion and passion rather than something I could get in a glory hole. Our relationship is open to the point where he has sex with one of his friends (we had a threesome at the weekend as well), his friend seeming to meet my needs a lot better sexually but my bf meeting all of my emotional needs and an almost definite long term relationship. Do I just spend the rest of my life having fairly dull sex in an otherwise happy relationship or do I try to convince him to start kissing, or make the relationship open enough for me to hook up with other guys for sex?
have you tried asking him about it? after 10 months together it shouldn't be something that just eats at you if it leaves you that unsatisfied. just bring it up gently and be open to whatever he might say.
I would ask why he does not like to kiss. You will have to figure out what you want to do and what you want in a relationship. Better to figure this out the best you can now. He may never be one to kiss. It may just be how he is. There are many people that are not into kissing or that kiss in a mild way.
Well he's still not wanting to kiss, but we've opened our relationship so that I can get my satisfaction from other people when I want/need it
Maybe there is something about how you two kiss that is the issue here? I like to think I've learned how to kiss somebody where they melt in my arms. It wasn't always so. I've been kissed by people who absolutely have no idea how to kiss. If this is the case, one of you needs to open up to the other and work on training the other on what kind of kissing is wanted. Maybe some mentoring is in order here?
A lot of times from what I've read, this can be driven sometimes by unperceived internalized homophobia. Kissing is an intimate act for a lot of people and requires feeling not only comfortable with the other person but with themselves too. The best way to overcome this though is actually to help him by breaking down any barriers he might have in this department. And remember that it is not a measure of his love or lack of love for you. It isn't you, he just needs to get more comfortable.
He doesn’t have to have any reason in particular for not wanting to kiss. Maybe he simply doesn’t like it. I’m that kind of person myself. I just can’t stand kissing. I’ve tried to like it and have hated it every single time I’ve tried it. I don’t know why I don’t like it. I just don’t like anything about it. I don’t have a better answer or insight than that. It’s just something that some people don’t like.
