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I'm bisexual but I wish I was gay

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by NotQuiteANerd97, Nov 11, 2018.

  1. NotQuiteANerd97

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    As some of you may know, I'm a bisexual guy with more and stronger attractions to women. I've hooked up with several men I'm only moderately into and I've dated women but have had a ton of difficulty making it past the first couple dates, and more often even getting a date or sometimes even a text back in the first place. I'm very picky with men. My type is quite specific and I haven't had much luck finding a guy of that type, but I won't rule it out.

    Some of my best friends are women but romantically it's been nothing but frustration. The odds of finding any success have been incredibly low and nothing lasts, and it's left a bad taste in my mouth. Even though my attraction is stronger I haven't had a crush on a woman in my life in a long time. Maybe it's my university or something, but very few elicit true emotion anymore besides "she's pretty hot". My standards for women have been set by a couple of not very well-known celebrities and it's not good. Yet I still crave having a significant other of the opposite sex and considering my bad luck, it's just been unpleasant.

    Men are very easy in terms of communication and it's worked out well as far as hooking up. But even the ones I hook up with aren't super attractive to me and I often feel a tinge of guilt afterwards. At the same time, I feel like I should explore my same sex attractions beyond that. I don't know how, but maybe men will grow on me. Again I'm picky but maybe I need to spend more time in the sphere of men. I just wish I could lose my inhibitions and go for it, but I have my fears about health, and the superficial vibe I get from a lot of the mainstream venues. Maybe it's the only way to get those intrusive thoughts of women out of my head.

    You don't have to give me advice or anything, I just need to get things off my chest.
     
  2. Hugh

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    I know how you feel! I was in a state of transition for years and only recently could I actually say that yes, I'm gay. My problem, as time went on, was that I couldn't choose which I would be attracted to not only on any day but any hour, any minute. I could suddenly turn gay in a moment, or have sudden feelings of revulsion in the middle of a gay date. It was awful But now I know exactly who I am every day and it's such a relief!
     
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  3. Love4Ever

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    I agree with Hugh. Sexuality is complicated and even harder when we don't know what we want and where to channel our attractions. I have spoken with you before on here and I understand what you're going through because I was actually where you were. For me the answer was time and exploration. It's normal when dealing with your sexuality particularly if you're non monosexual and grew up straight.
     
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  4. NotQuiteANerd97

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    I feel really comfortable with the label I have. That being said I’m envious of gay men who seemingly can embrace same-sex desires without the intrusive desire for a long term opposite-sex partner. I wish I wasn’t so desperate for women. It hurts and only lowers my chances. Though my attraction to guys is different, I wish I could be bolder and head down that road without that nagging desire. Thanks a lot for the input to both of you guys though.
     
    #4 NotQuiteANerd97, Nov 11, 2018
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2018
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  5. Love4Ever

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    I do understand where you're coming from. I still am attracted to men too and yes, I admit I am often distracted by the thought or the possibility. Because I'm bi and thought I was straight for a very long time. But I, like you, am wanting a same sex relationship so I am pursuing that. I do use bi and lesbian interchangeably though I realize that is not necessarily common. To me they mean different things of course but in my case are complimentary at this point in my life.
     
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