And my self exploration continues! I reflect on my thoughts over the years. When I first accepted that I was anything but heterosexual, I convinced myself that I was bisexual, secretly having one night stands with many men while resting in the security of steady relationships with a few women. Not many! It didn't concern me too much when I found I could not be aroused during the occasional fumbles I had with women. I had read of consecutive bisexuality where you swing from one to another, sometimes in an instant, and was convinced that I would come around. The weeks turned to months turned to years and the excuses ran out. Tiredness, anxiety, depression... I used them all while men could always keep me interested. So now I have to ask myself, was my sexuality really as fluid as I thought? I have to conclude that it wasn't. It only flowed in one direction. Even though I prefer the company of women and can appreciate their beauty, only men really turn my head and have done for a long time. I'm gay. It's been a long journey!
Sounds like you’re figuring it out Hugh...I wish I could say the same for me.....I’ve had several relationships with women that were long lasting but looking back I always sabotaged my relationships, maybe out of fear of being hurt or possibly it was a deeper aspect that I’m trying to figure out...
I understand the self sabotage. It's exactly what I have done. It was a couple of years in to the last one that I confirmed in my head that I was gay. I hadn't been able to get any interest in sex other than by imagining me giving oral sex to a guy. I spent the next couple of years making excuses then behaved in a way which made her leave me. I had strong romantic feelings for her but nothing sexual. I had to fall back on gay porn in private. I know now, and it's a relief but I don't feel a need to announce it to everyone. Just those who I feel should know.