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Am I Trans?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Kheenta, Nov 5, 2018.

  1. Kheenta

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    As the title states, I've been questioning what exactly I am. Sexuality wise, I know I'm not straight but I really don't know if I'm a "guy" at heart. As a friend I tend to take on a nigh maternal role to the point where several people call me mom and it feels right. How do I know if I am trans? Thanks in advance.
     
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  2. Pret Allez

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    Did you lose the coinflip too?
     
  3. Kheenta

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    What do you mean?
     
  4. Mihael

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    It's hard to say if you are a trans woman or a mix of genders. I think it's all a matter of degree to which you feel like the concept of "woman" describes you better.
     
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  5. poetrycat

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    Something that helped me a lot when I was questioning was saying out loud to myself “I am a (put whatever gender you think you might be here).” If it feels right, then you might be trans. But don’t feel like you have to know right away. It took me a bit to figure it out.
     
    #5 poetrycat, Nov 9, 2018
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2018
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  6. alejo

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    I am confused if I want to become a woman, I am male, I do not like having a penis, a lot of it is erect, my parents do not know it, they could throw me out, I also demand a lot of money in the transition
     
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  7. Brandy Bee

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    Hi again! I just actually went to your profile page, it says you're 14 years old.
    Well if that's up to date, I must say you're remarkably self aware and well spoken for your years. Be careful online, first of all, I want to say. Take everything you read online with caution, I'm sure you're aware there are millions of different opinions on just about everything. What that should mean to you, is that YOUR opinion is just as valid as anyone else's, and much more so where it concerns yourself, your lives and your fears. I'm an established adult with kids of my own, my oldest is approaching his teen years and I already see his anxiety as he grows up.
    Please believe that I have been in your shoes myself: not precisely of course, but worried, aware that I was "different", and I didn't know who to turn to or even that I should have asked for help. I should have, I didn't. Instead, I internalized all the bullying, told myself anything to get through some of the worst days: "One day they'll push me far enough and I'll kick their ass..." "They're all such idiots, they don't know me, don't know anything, fuck them, fuck school, fuck sports, fuck trying out for the school play, fuck everything, I'm above all that shit!"
    If any of that sounds familiar, I ask you, with respect for your mind and your courage, to please talk to someone. A favorite teacher, a trusted relative, your family doctor, someone who is better equipped than you are to help you find helpful outlets and resources to get you through your bad days. There will be bad days, but I promise there will be good days, and with help, the good can outweigh the bad.
    We all need help. We all need support. Even those jock assholes that say shitty things because they learned from shitty people need help, trouble for people like us is, unlike them, who have legions of coaches, neighbors, teachers, who look at them and see the ridiculous carbon copy mold of what our society has insisted is a "well rounded young man" or a "guy with his head on straight" , support for us is often hidden; help is harder to find. But help is there: look at this forum.
    Oh gosh, my eyes are welling up with tears for you, I know your pain, and it's so fucking unfair! So please, listen to my words. Reread them and the words of others who support you, believe in you. You can't change what "they'll" do or what "they" will think of you. You can only change what you think of yourself, hard as that is. So please find your supports, even one true friend, one ally, one relative, one teacher, someone. Start there, be honest about your feelings. Give someone a chance to help, to listen.
    If you are still struggling to think of someone, call the California Youth Crisis line (profile says you're in California, or if not, your local youth crisis line, any one of them I'm certain will still take your call, they will get you support).
    A Google search tells me the number for CA youth crisis is:
    1 800 843 5200
    If you're thinking of hurting yourself, don't, instead just give yourself one more day, or one more hour if one day is too much please call 911 and just say "I'm think I'm going to hurt myself".
    Stay safe, ok? I promise, it CAN get better.
     
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  8. Kheenta

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    Well, this reply I was not expecting, so I'll try my best to reply.
    1, I know the internet is not too safe for someone of my age,learned it firsthand. And I know that my opinion is valid yata yata
    2, I strongly encourage you to talk to your teen about their problems and be persistent but not pushy, all we want when we feel anxious or stressed or depressed etc is for someone to listen, to recognize that we hurt. They will brush you off, but just keep trying. Don't make it seem like patronization or trying to buy love.
    3, I've lived through the internalization and all that but not for sexuality or gender or any of that. I took one thought and let it consume my being. "I can't do anything right." Boy howdy did that one thought send me down to depression town. The bullying on top of that was just unbearable and I have eleven scars to show from my "coping" with the stress. Though I'm being held by several close friends to never get so intimate with a blade ever again.
    4, Once I couldn't stand it anymore, the bullying, the depression, the stress; I broke. I did keep the promises that I made to myself that I would defend myself. I dragged some shithead who was pushing me over an exercise bike and proceeded to punch him in the head. No one has laid a hand on me after that event.
    5, I am currently opening up to close friends slowly but I have shared almost all my issues with one friend whom I met over the internet. This person and I mutually kept each other alive on a regular basis.
    6, I plan on spending a lot of time on this forum for I have seen kind people like you offer their help.
    7, I am truly grateful for all the help I have received from people like you.
    8, Thank you for the number, I just might use it.
    9, It's a bit late to stop the pain already inflicted but I will be sure to stop and think before taking further action if it comes to that.
    10, I know it can get better. It's not a question of when though, it's a question of if.
    11, Thank you for support in trying times on such short notice.
     
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  9. Brandy Bee

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    Hi, I have read your thoughtful reply, thank you for the sound advice on relating effectively to my kids, when they may be less than forthcoming should their heart weigh heavy.
    I will reply thoughtfully and more thoroughly in kind when I am able today: my schedule today is busy, busier than I had anticipated, but such is working life.
    But just quick: I understand and can relate to you for certain; your history and my own share quite a few similarities. Keep your head up today, don't forget to remind yourself to smile :slight_smile:
     
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  10. Kheenta

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    Thank you, I anticipate your reply and I hope I can show my smile today as I’m still sick but there’s a concert I must perform in
     
  11. Brandy Bee

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    Didn't get a break from work until the wee hours yesterday, I hope you're feeling better today so you can rock that concert!
     
  12. Kheenta

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    I did my best, one of the songs went really badly
     
  13. Brandy Bee

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    So other songs went well? What kind of concert was it?
    I never had the courage to go onstage and try singing, though I love singing and I'm told I have a really nice falsetto. Lots of times I have to face my own regret with experiences or opportunities I missed because I was too afraid to try.
     
  14. Kheenta

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    I'd love to hear this nice falsetto you have, not many people I know can pull a falsetto.
    It was a concert in the sense of choir and orchestra and advanced band and intermediate band coming together to preform music. I personally am a trombone player in the advanced band. The other songs went moderately well, they sounded alright besides some people being a bit hyped from our big center piece and playing too fast. At this point I feel like I play in the band not to have fun in the like but a need to impress my step-father who I feel no affection towards. I only do because, in a sense, I fear him.
     
    #14 Kheenta, Nov 15, 2018
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2018
  15. Kheenta

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    Sorry that I usually bring nice conversations down with sob stories and the like, ruining the moment is a unique skill of mine that I really shouldn't have.
     
    #15 Kheenta, Nov 15, 2018
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2018
  16. Brandy Bee

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    Does being in the band give you some sense of group belonging?
    Is the music community at your school accepting of LGBTQ?
    Have you called the kids help line I posted before? I'm not sure what the culture is in California, whatever you want to say, if you truly feel safe.
    In Canada, we have kidshelpphone.ca
    I think they offer online chat as well as phone conversations, whatever suits you.
    1 (800) 668-6868
    They won't care if you're not in Canada, they will help you regardless, even if it's to find the best trusted resources for your area. They are totally non judgmental, totally open and welcoming to all sexualities, all genders. Whatever you want to say, they'll listen and understand.
    You're going to get through today: take it one day at a time.
    What's one thing you like about yourself? Write it down, just for you. It doesn't matter how silly it may seem, I have overcome society's conformist attitude regarding socks-- if mine match, it's a total fluke! But I like that about me.
    Check out kidshelpphone.ca
    I'm actually curious as to whether it will recognize that your IP address is in USA, and redirect you. Even a google search of their site should tell you that...
     
  17. Kheenta

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    The band is kinda like a family. I have a few really close friends in band who I've confided in about my sexuality but I don't have the balls to talk about this whole trans situation. I haven't found the time to call the muber you've provided me but I'm sure I will soon. I'm not sure what I like about myself. I know it sounds odd but I really don't know. As for the website, it doesn't redirect so I'll be sure to check it out. Thank you for all that you've offered me. This relationship seems one sided in the sense of assistance.
     
  18. Brandy Bee

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    If this friendship seems one-sided, know that it is anything but. I see a person with a lot of pain, who has yet to see the end of the worst of it in sight.
    We get busier, expectations on us grow, friends change, move on, everything changes so fast and none of it seems to care much whether we're involved at all!
    Maybe you can relate to that, that was my experience around ages 14-15.
    But I'm 42. I've been through it, and my personal risks taken in order to try to fit in almost cost me my life, twice. Grand total of six weeks in hospital: two at age 13, four at age 16. I too have scars on my body, arms to be exact, because I was just so angry and nobody seemed to give a shit about me! They did, and now I know in some cases, friends and family were struggling with their own demons, and in others, they truly didn't know what to do or say.
    If you still think this is one-sided, maybe you can help me and agree to even it up: promise me you won't hurt yourself, or worse. Promise me you'll reach for help, even if you think it's a waste of time: whether you shout or whisper, extend your hand of friendship and ask. Because a friend that won't trust another to listen, smile, hug, understand, cry with, is no true friend at all.
    Promise me, please?
     
  19. Kheenta

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    I don't make promises I can't guarantee to keep, but I can promise I'll do my best to not ford this alone. I'll also try to not catch dysentary. I hope you can appreciate an Organ Trail joke as much as I can.
    Now you've peaked my interest, what got you into the hospital if you don't mind me asking?
     
  20. Kheenta

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    I hope this didn't come off the wrong way, I meant in the sense you've helped me so but I haven't done the same for you.