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Alone and Depressed

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by EmmaSilver, Nov 4, 2018.

  1. EmmaSilver

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    My name is Emma, I am 15 and I have started coming out as bisexual to my family. I am still figuring things out so I may find a label that fits me better than bi at some point, but for now it's close enough.

    When I came out to my dad he freaked out and said some pretty awful things that I don't really want to think about, let alone write down. I now wish that I had never come out to him at all, and I just want to erase that memory from my mind forever. The rest of my family did not have that strong of a reaction, but they don't believe me when I say that I am queer. Now we just don't talk about it and my dad is really angry at me all the time.

    My best friend of 7 years is extremely homophobic, and I am not sure if I could ever come out to her. I love her and I know that she has just been brainwashed by her parents, but if I ever come out to her, best case scenario her parents never let me see her again, worst case scenario she never want to see me again. But at the same time, it feels so wrong to hide a huge part of myself from my best friend, even if she would hate me for it. And I know people will say that if she doesn't accept me for who I am then I should just get new friends, but I am homeschooled so there aren't many options, and nobody in the homeschool community where I live would ever want to be friends with a gay person. I just don't know what to do.

    I think that I am going into a depression. I hardly eat, it's a battle geting to sleep, and I started cutting myself two months ago and I can't seem to stop. There is nobody here that can relate to me or understand what I am going through and not belittle or invalidate my existence. I don't even know why I am posting this, I guess I just needed to rant. If anyone reading this has gone through something similar, I would love to hear your story and how you got through this. Maybe it would help me start to figure out this mess. Really, any advice that I can get would be helpful, I don't think I could get much worse than I am now. I am just so tired of feeling this alone.
     
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  2. Hugh

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    That's a heart breaking story and I really feel for you! The people you most rely on when you're alone should be parents. This is a great forum to be in although my own advice tends to be questionable. Be persistent. You really are not alone and, certainly, you're braver than me. I'm four times your age and still I'm battling with the need to tell people I'm gay. It's pathetic!
     
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  3. Rade

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    Hello Emma...
    I would advise you see a counsellor or therapist to talk through how you feel . This could really help you. It's only my opinion but I feel sad that your dad reacted the way he did, it's not helpful to you in the slightest. Hang on in there, I think with some support you will overcome this ....
     
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  4. Hugh

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    Please keep us posted on how your life is going!
     
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  5. Love4Ever

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    Hi there. I am sorry about the reactions you received. I also have a very homophobic childhood friend so I relate to that. It's difficult. We have done nothing but grow farther apart from each other. My friends are really all here now in this wonderful community, and one other girl I met on another site. But they are more supportive to me than my real life friend is. I hope you feel welcome and supported here too. I also was homeschooled my entire life, ironically my former best friend was as well, and it's true many are very religious and intolerant. But please know not all are like that. I am not, and there are others who are not as well. And hopefully any on here will drop by and say hi too. Please don't harm yourself! You are beautiful just the way you are. I deal with depression too off and on. It can be hard to feel so alone. Please, please try to get someone in your life who is on your side to help you. If you can't get to a councilor they have support groups online and talk therapy you can do if you feel that would help you.
     
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  6. Cas girl

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    Hey there.
    I am so sorry that you have to go through this at such a young age. My dad is also extremely homophobic and on top of that, he is a religious fanatic. I still haven’t come out to him. My mom knows I am bisexual but she has already erased it from her mind. I am Kinsey 1 so I don’t really mind my parents being homophobic. It’s who they are, you can’t expect them to chang when the society you live in is bigoted.

    I can only tell you this ( it is something which our mother superior used to tell us in school),This too shall pass.
    Sweetheart l know that now you feel like there is no hope, you are surrounded by darkness but remember this TIME CONSTANTLY CHANGES, IT IS NEVER THE SAME. My aunt says that when you are going through a tough time, it means that the universe is preparing you for the most awesome future you could ever have. It will more beautiful and wonderful that your wildest dreams. SO JUST KEEP GOING. THERE IS ALWAYS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL.

    Just make yourself a promise. Promise yourself that you will be healthy so that you can enjoy the future to the maximum extent. Please don’t cut yourself. You are too beautiful and precious to allow anyone ( which includes you too ) to hurt you. Always keep some chocolate, candy or ice cream on stand by. Eat those when my mind tells you to cut. This supplies the body with endorphins, which will in turn help with your depression. This helped me a lot when I was going through the worst phase of my depression and when I wanted to harm myself ( I used to keep really sharp fingernails which I would press into the flesh of my palm or forearm till they left painful impressions, whenever My anxiety level spiked). I am not out of the woods yet, but I am hopeful.

    One last thing. EMMA, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Every single person who has replied to your text is there for you, is someone who supports you and wants to help. These are people in your corner. So please don’t feel like you are going through this alone. We are all here for you.

    Remember, pain passes, beauty remains.
    Take care, live strong.

    V.
     
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  7. EmmaSilver

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    Thank you everyone who responded, your advice and support are really helpful! You guys suggested a counselor/therapist, which is a good idea but one that is not very feasible for me right now. Even if my parents would pay for one, we live in a very conservative, anti-gay community and I don't think that I could find someone that wouldn't try to "fix" my sexuality. Besides, I can only talk about what I actually feel when I am just another anonymous person on a website. When someone can see my face and know who I am, there is no chance that they would be able to get me to talk about my feelings.

    Also, Love4Ever, I saw that you posted something on my page and I tried to respond to you on there but I don't know how so I'll just do it on here.
    Thank you, it is so good to know that there are other people who went through a similar experience as me and still came out alright. Also, I like the quote from Shane on your profile page "Sexuality is fluid. Whether you're gay or you're straight or you're bisexual, you just go with the flow." I just started watching the L word and Shane is already one of my favorite characters.
     
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  8. Love4Ever

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    I am so glad it helped you! I love Shane too. The reply thing here is so tricky on here. To reply you have to post on the OTHER person's wall. Which seems weird because they post their message on your wall. Basically you have to alternate and post on each other's walls. I still mess up sometimes and post on my own wall but if it's easier for you I can still see it there if you have something you want to say. I have gotten pretty good at checking for that kind of thing. :slight_smile:
     
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  9. Hugh

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    I drew a conclusion. If anyone asks me 'are you gay', I will weigh up why they want to know, do they need to know and if it is not relevant to anything, I will say ' none of your business . If I think it's relevant, I will say "absolutely I'm gay'. If nobody asks, I won't tell them. Because being a homosexual does not define me, does not change the way I carry out day to day tasks, does not affect my capacity to feel, to hurt or to feel joy. So when it matters I will say so. Don't ever feel pressured and don't ever put pressure on yourself. You have nothing to explain. You're a young girl. I wish I was! Even though I'm a guy. In theory. You should be enjoying life!,
     
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  10. EmmaSilver

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    Yeah, that makes a lot of sense! As a bi person, though, I think that I do feel a little more pressure to come out to people because if I date boys and girls without telling people why they will just assume that I am confused. And then if I do decide that I should come out to them they will be less likely to believe that I'm bi because of the preconceived notion that I was just experimenting, and they will either think that I'm a straight person that just wants to be different or a lesbian with "one foot out of the closet".

    But you're right, being queer shouldn't change people's views of me and I shouldn't put so much pressure on myself to look good to other people. Luckily I don't think that I will ever be put in the situation of someone asking me if I'm gay unprompted, even my best friend doesn't have a clue.
     
  11. EmmaSilver

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    Thank you so much for all of your advice! It is so good to know that there are people out there who have never met me and yet will still take the time to write a multi-paragraph essay full of understanding and support. I sincerely hope that you are right and the universe is just preparing me for one hell of an awesome future. Also, thanks so much for the tip to help with cutting, I believe that you are the first person to give me a valid excuse to keep chocolate around all the time and eat whenever I feel depressed. I will definitely try that!
     
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  12. Cas girl

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    You are welcome. I believe it is our duty to help others when we have the capacity to do so.
    Trust me, the universe always has a reason for giving as something. Just hang on for the time being.
    Chocolate and any sugary stuff, even bananas are good for depression. I like to happy grilled cheese and vanilla milkshake when I am feeling down. You can also give it a try. They really helped me and they still do.

    You say that you feel pressure to come out to people. I get that. I felt the same. I felt like I am cheating the people I love, I am misguiding them ( as a Hindu, it is a cardinal sin to be anything other than straight. I was raised in an orthodox family, my father goes to temple everyday ) so I was feeling suffocated. But last year, I had a life scare and I just stopped caring about society and people’s opinion. The only people you should feel obligated towards is your family and close friends. If they are being unreasonable, then you don’t have to feel obligated towards them also. Sexuality might feel like the most important thing, I am not saying it is insignificant, but it is only a part that makes who you are, not the entire picture.

    For now, study hard, plan for your future. Everything else will fall in place.
    All the best.
     
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  13. Hugh

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    Bananas are especially good because the seratonin in them is a natural mood balancer. So yes, eat bananas. And, bear with me here, because it sounds strange - buy a ukulele. A friend of mine had severe depression for years and couldn't beat it. A counsellor suggested a ukulele. She bought one and as she learnt to play, the depression lifted for the first time in years. As she says, who can be unhappy with a uke? Don't blame me, it's not my story.
     
  14. Cas girl

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    I was recommended to try the piano to overcome my depression but I am more into singing than playing an instrument. But yes music helps with depression.

    See @EmmaSilver I am not saying it is going to be easy but it is not going to be impossible either to overcome this. A lot of people here care for you. Don’t lose hope.
     
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  15. Lgbtqpride

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    You wish you were a young girl?
     
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  16. Hugh

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    Not exactly! A part of me is. I'm strange!
     
  17. Cas girl

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    Gender doesn’t have to define our behaviour. I used to wish I was a guy ( I still do ) so that I could do things that girls aren’t allowed to. I used feel that if I were a guy, I could have sex with girls. Slowly I realised that I have these thoughts because I am bisexual. Society has a pre conceived notion how people of a particular gender must behave. We, those who differ from these notions think ourselves weird.

    It is society that’s weird when it wants two sex to behave in preset way when no two people are similar. I absolutely hate it.
     
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  18. Hugh

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    I have no gender. I am if an age and status where I can decide when I get up in the morning, who I want to be that day. Society frowns upon some of the more flamboyant ideas I have and I refuse to be a figure of somebody else's ridicule but that is my only constraint. I do recognise that most people do not have my advantages which is a tragedy. You're right, if course. The world's preconceptions dictate our behaviour. Even some of mine. Be bold and fight dullness!
     
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  19. Hugh

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    Excuse my transposing 'i' and 'o'. Chubby little fingertips, tiny little keypad!
     
  20. Cas girl

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    That’s alright. To err is human after all.
    I have just started fight. Fight against arranged marriage and the duty of produce a heir, preferably male.
    When I say I don’t have to have kids, my mom turns a deaf ear. Being diagnosed with PCOS& GERD, I already have enough health issues to deal with regarding my stomach area. How can they expect me to carry a human being for 9 whole months.
    Oh fun fact. The word “adoption “ is a taboo in my house.

    I am sorry about the rant, I just had to get it out.